A Shadow Bright and Burning (Kingdom on Fire #1)(78)

“You are adventurous,” he murmured. I felt the flicker of his tongue as our kiss deepened. He touched my hair, cried out, and brought his hand away with blood welling on the tip of a finger. “How the devil—?”

“The roses? We missed a thorn,” I said, half afraid he would stop. He laughed as he pulled the flowers out of my hair and kissed me again. My feet left the ground. I was lying down now, the canopy above me whirling. Magnus pulled my skirt up inch by inch, revealing my leg—



“No!” I yelled. I pushed him away, rolled off the bed, and fell to my hands and knees. No amount of alcohol would make me forget myself that much. I staggered to my feet and hung on to the bedpost. Magnus sat up, his hair rumpled.

“What are you doing?” I asked. What was I doing? How had we got here so quickly?

“I thought—well, weren’t we going to?”

“No, for God’s sake.” I could barely speak the words.

“But what else are we supposed to do?” He sounded confused.

“That is something you save for marriage.”

“But, my darling,” he said, as if I were slow, “you know I can’t marry you.”

“Excuse me?” The drunken effects vanished. I’d never been more aware of anything.

“You know I’m engaged to be married.”

“You are what?” Images flashed through my mind of spearing Magnus with a bolt of lightning.

“I told you. Didn’t I?” Now he seemed hesitant. “Miss Doris Winslow, I’m engaged to her. Wait. Didn’t I tell you?”

“No.” The floor spun beneath me. I wanted to fall onto my bed and wake to find this hadn’t happened.

“Oh God. No wonder you were enthusiastic. I’m sorry.” He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “It slipped my mind.”

“You thought you’d”—I choked on the word—“with me and then leave me?”



“No! Henrietta, I’m only marrying her because my family’s destitute. I don’t know how to earn money, so I have to have an heiress. But she’s very dull, you know. Not like you.” He came to me, that roguish smile back on his face. “You’re the most exciting girl I ever met.”

“But you wouldn’t marry me.” My voice sounded distant. Had I even wanted to marry him? His presence was so intoxicating, and I sometimes couldn’t keep myself from thinking about him. But was that love?

I didn’t think he could treat me this way if he loved me.

“I can’t have two wives, can I? Look, we keep it a secret. Once we’re commended, you have your house, and I’ll have mine. It’ll be easy to meet for—”

“My reputation would be destroyed.”

“But you’re going to be a sorcerer! You’re not like other girls. Even if they found out, no one would—”

“You don’t understand a damn thing about the world, do you?” Mr. and Mrs. Magnus would be accepted by society. I would be an outcast because loose women must always know their place.

“I want you more than any other girl I’ve ever met,” Magnus said, reaching for my waist. Want. Not love. “If I could, I’d marry you tomorrow. As is, let’s make the best of this bad situation.”

I slapped the smile off his face, hard as I could. Grabbing Porridge from my sheath, I held it to his chest. He put his hands in the air.

“Don’t do anything foolish,” he muttered.



“Get out, or I’ll scream.”

Magnus opened the door and left. I sat on my bed for ten minutes, stupefied, then rang for Lilly. She didn’t ask why I’d waited so long to call for her, and I didn’t tell.

I huddled in the darkness until I heard the boys come home, the shouts and jokes echoing through the halls. I thought about the day I’d dueled with Magnus in the library, when he’d praised my eyes. I’d imagined there was something special in that attention, but I was wrong. He wanted me, nothing more. I was the fool.

A bloody fool, I thought. Magnus had tossed one of my roses onto the bed. I picked it up and tore all the petals out in a fistful, squeezing them tightly.

I thought about Rook, the two of us sitting out on the moor, back in Yorkshire. Everything had been clear, everyone in their right place. Who had I become? What was I becoming?

I cried while I listened to the boys go up the stairs to bed. The harder I cried, the more I hated it. I set fire to the petals to calm myself, watching them crisp and blacken in my hand. It worked. The flush of heat on my skin evaporated the tears. The fire scorched my sadness. Only an ember of anger remained.





“Are you well, Henrietta?” Agrippa asked at breakfast. I stared bleary-eyed into my tea.

“Just tired, sir.” Across the table, Magnus ate in silence. When Dee tried to make a joke, Magnus shot him a look so black he shut up at once. The whole room was quiet except for Lambe tapping his water glass with a fork. Blackwood read a letter over and over, lost in thought. We were quite a merry gathering.

“We’ll practice creating the column of fire this morning. When you’ve finished your breakfast—”

“I’m finished now.” I pushed the tea and untouched toast away.

“You haven’t eaten a thing.”