A Scot in the Dark (Scandal & Scoundrel #2)(94)

A beat. And then she came to her feet like an avenging queen and pushed him away from her with enough strength to set him off balance. “I choose you, you lummox.”

Good. If she was angry, she might leave him alone.

“I am not an option,” he said.

“Yesterday, you offered to marry me,” she replied.

And he would have done it. Would do it still. If only . . . “I am not enough.”

The sound she made bordered on a scream, full of frustration and anger. “You are a duke, Alec. And I am the orphaned daughter of a land steward who has been ruined in front of all London.”

“Not has been. Not yet.”

“You were not there. I assure you, it is roundly done.”

“It is not done until the painting is made real. And it shan’t be. Not if I can stop it.”

She shook her head and spread her arms wide, indicating the room. “You cannot stop it! He will win this battle. He won it the moment he marched up to me in Hyde Park and convinced me that attention was akin to love.” She gave a little, humorless laugh. “Ironically, I seem to be caught in a similar web now.”

He froze. “It is not the same.”

She cut him a look. “You are right. It is not the same. Derek never made me feel ashamed of myself.”

What in hell? “All of this—every bit of it—has been to keep you from shame. To keep you from regret.”

“How many times must I tell you that I do not regret it?”

He lost his temper. “Goddammit, Lily! Can you not simply trust that I know? That the hero you spoke of abovestairs—he is not me? You think I do not wish to marry you and protect you and love you as you deserve? You think I do not wish my past erased and this dukedom mine in truth so I might get down on my knees and beg you to be with me? So that I may make you a duchess? You think I do not wish for those children? The ones you planned to dress in pretty little embroidered clothes? The ones who would fit those silly red boots?”

Her eyes were wide, and he did not care. Still, he raged. “You think I do not wish to take you to our marriage bed and make love to you until we no longer shake? Until we no longer move, for the pleasure of it? You think I do not love you? How can you not understand it? I love you beyond reason. I think I might have loved you from the moment you closed the damn door in my face in Berkeley Square. But I am not the man you deserve.”

He stopped, breath coming fast and angry, self-loathing coursing through him, and he forced himself to look at her. Tears glistened in her eyes, and he hated himself for what he’d done. “I am not he. Not for a lifetime. Not even for the one night we had.” He thrust his hands through his hair. “We must go before we are found.”

She did not move from her place. “What did you say?”

He looked to her, “What?”

“You are not for a lifetime. You are for one night.”

The words were a wicked blow, unexpectedly cruel on her lips. Recovering from the sting, he nodded. At least she understood. Perhaps she would leave him in peace now.

He would never be at peace again.

“We must go,” he said, wanting to claw at his cravat, tight about his neck.

Lily was not through, however. “What did she do to you?”

He stilled. “Who?”

“Countess Rowley.”

Memories of the past raced through him. How did she know? It did not matter. He should have told her before then. The truth would drive her away as surely as he ever could.

And that was the goal, was it not?

No.

Yes. It was the goal.

He turned for the door. “We must go.”

“Alec.”

“Not here, Lily. Not while all of London waits beyond this room.” And he tore the door open, without hesitation.

All of London was not beyond, it turned out.

Only one of London was there.

Derek Hawkins stood on the other side, dressed in Renaissance garb, broadsword dangling from his hand. He raised the blade, setting it to Alec’s chest, just above his heart. “I do not know the law in Scotland, Duke, but in England, we are within our rights to kill intruders.”



Of course Derek was here to muck everything up.

Right now, she would give everything she had to disappear him from his place at the door, making a mountain of a molehill, threatening to kill them, if she’d heard correctly. Lord deliver her from men with a flair for the dramatic. She checked the clock on the desk.

It was half-nine and the theater was in intermission. It occurred to Lily, vaguely, that she hoped Sesily was as good at being a poor chaperone as she was at being a scandal, because Lily and Alec were going to require an excellent excuse for their absence as the entire box realized that they were missing.

Something better than Oh, they are likely breaking into Hawkins’s office, stealing Lily’s nude, and having an amorous encounter upon his desk.

In this particular case, the truth was not an appropriate excuse.

Especially now, as it seemed they would be waylaid further.

Certainly, they should not be here, in this inner sanctum. But neither should Derek be. She approached, refusing to cow to this man who had so thoroughly used her. Remarkably, because two weeks past, she would have cowed. Two weeks past, she’d been a different woman.

Two weeks past, she had not had Alec.