A Quiet Kind of Thunder(30)

We stand there under the streetlight beaming at each other. This is the part where we kiss, right? We’re going to kiss. I am going to kiss this boy. He is going to kiss me.

I wanted to tell you for so long, he says. His signing is looser and quicker now. But I didn’t know how. What if you didn’t like me too? What if I ruined things? I liked getting to know you.

I want to ask, why? But I also don’t.

I liked getting to know you too. I thought you might have a girlfriend the whole time, though.

His face falls. I’m sorry.

I didn’t think I was allowed to like you.

What an inadequate word ‘like’ is, I think. Such a small word to carry so much hope.

You are. You definitely are.

I know that now!

Rhys gives me a bashful, sheepish smile – my God he is completely, ridiculously beautiful – and then launches into a long, handy monologue about making a friend who he could talk to and not spoiling a friendship and how he tried to drop hints and – And I take hold of his hands, move a step closer and crane my neck. My heart is buzzing. It’s making my whole body vibrate, a dizzy hum of joyjoyjoyjoyjoy.

And he hesitates, leans down and kisses me.

He kisses me! He kisses me!

We are face to face and his lips are warm and gentle. They are small kisses at first, tentative, and then we are both tilting our heads; the kisses get longer. His hands – his talkative, expressive hands – curl at my waist and at my back, pulling me towards him and bridging the gap between us. He feels so warm and solid. When his tongue touches mine, I swear fireworks start going off inside of me. I can feel them ricocheting through my veins. He doesn’t taste like strawberries or breath-mints or Prosecco – he tastes like boy. Like Rhys.

If we were talkers, maybe we’d exchange whispers between kisses. Maybe he’d put his lips beside my ear and tell me I’m beautiful. But we speak with our bodies and our faces, and so it’s like we’re still having a conversation. I know what it means when he takes my hand and squeezes it; when he breaks the kiss to touch his nose to mine and smile. He touches my face like it’s something delicate. He doesn’t need to tell me that I’m beautiful or special or wanted. I can feel it in his touch.

How long do we kiss? I don’t even know. It is just me and Rhys under the streetlight (or spotlight, as I begin to think of it), KISSING. It’s possible people walk past us, but I honestly don’t even notice. If there’s a world outside the two of us, I don’t care.

What I learn about kissing: it’s fun. It’s hot. It’s brilliant. I could carry on doing it forever.

We finally break apart when it becomes impossible to ignore my phone ringing obnoxiously in my pocket. My breathing is all over the place, my chin feels like it’s been exfoliated and I’m not sure my heartbeat will ever return to normal.

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

‘Hi, Dad,’ I say breezily. My dad, I sign to Rhys, who nods, all smiles.

‘Hi, StefStef,’ Dad says. ‘Glad to know you’re alive.’

‘I’m just on my way home,’ I say.

‘I thought I was going to come and pick you up.’

‘Oh, well . . . that’s OK. Rhys is walking me home.’

There’s a long silence. ‘Is he?’ Dad’s voice is the oddest mix of jokey, nonchalant and horrified, as if I’m twelve years old instead of coming on seventeen.

We’re just kissing, I half want to say. No need to freak out just yet.

But of course I don’t. ‘Yeah, we’re almost back, actually. So I’ll see you soon, OK?’

‘OK, love,’ Dad says slowly. ‘Don’t make it too late?’

‘I won’t.’

When I hang up, Rhys smiles sheepishly at me. Do you need to get home?

I nod. Sorry.

Don’t be sorry! That’s my job. He gestures to himself, exaggeratedly gallant. I’m a gentleman.

I grin – sure – and lean forward for another kiss. I almost get lost in it again, but he guides me back, taking hold of my hand and pressing a final kiss on the side of my head.

Tem:

So, how did it go?



Steffi:

SEPTEMBER.



Ooh this sounds promising.



. . . or a disaster?



SHIT BRONS. REPLY TO ME.





HE LIKES ME




Woohoo!!!!!



Tem:

(Also, OBVS he does, you plank.)



Steffi:





HE KISSED ME




!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



? ? ?



TELL ME EVERYTHING.

How did it happen?

Is he a good kisser?

HOW FAR DID YOU GO?



Oh screw this, I’m calling you.

YOU BETTER ANSWER.





[stefstef is online]

rhysespieces: ? ? ?

stefstef: hi ?

rhysespieces: just wanted to say goodnight stefstef: goodnight xxxx

rhysespieces: goodnight xxxx

rhysespieces: ?

stefstef: ?

[rhysespieces has logged off]





Tem is even more excited than I am. She comes tearing round to see me the following morning, her whole face alight.