A Million Miles Away(55)
Ingrid looked at her, confused. The drama teacher turned, and Kelsey and Gillian ducked behind the seats.
“Um,” Ingrid said onstage, pinching her lips. “I don’t feel very good.”
“Do you need a moment?” the teacher asked.
“Yeah, my friend is going to be sick. I mean, I’m going to be sick.”
She ran off the stage.
The three girls met in the hallway, scuttled through the school, across the gym, only half lit as no one was using it. Kelsey peeked around before pushing open the emergency exit, finding herself blinded by the midmorning sun.
“Won’t that set off an alarm?” Ingrid whispered.
“If it does, it’s completely silent and no one ever does anything about it,” Kelsey replied as they jogged across the back parking lot. “Because I’ve been using that exit for years.”
“Good to know this school is serious about safety,” Gillian said.
“Where to?” Kelsey asked at the wheel of the Subaru.
“Tazza?” Ingrid asked.
Downtown, the girls took their iced mochas to the benches outside, squinting against the light. They used to do this every day during the summer, watching the shoppers walk by, rating the boys from one to ten.
“We haven’t done this in forever,” Kelsey said.
“You haven’t come out of your house in forever,” Ingrid said. “We’ve been worried about you.”
Gillian, who was sitting on Ingrid’s other side, leaned forward, catching Kelsey’s eyes. “What happened with… I mean…” She glanced at Ingrid, not sure if Kelsey was ready to tell her what she had done. “You know what I mean,” Gillian finished.
Kelsey sighed. The envelope was probably out of the mailbox by now, on its way to Peter. Though she had just seen him yesterday, he seemed so far gone.
“Kels?”
“I don’t know,” Kelsey said, her exhaustion catching up with her again. Her voice trembled. “We’re in love, Gil.”
Gillian reached across Ingrid to touch Kelsey’s knee. Kelsey tried to keep her lip from trembling.
“Or at least, I think we are. He doesn’t know it’s me yet, or maybe he does, or maybe he does and never wants to speak to me again.…”
“Stop,” she said firmly. “Don’t cry.”
Kelsey steeled her mouth. Gillian took a motherly tone.
“Take a deep breath.”
Kelsey did. It felt good. She took another one.
“Tell us everything.”
She did. And she didn’t eliminate a single detail. Each time the truth left her, she felt stronger, as if she were bleeding out a poison.
“So you didn’t know you liked him at first?” Ingrid asked. “You just missed Michelle.”
“And now I’m going crazier than I already am,” Kelsey said, rubbing her forehead. “I don’t know if he’s going to be okay, or if he’s going to love me, or hate me, or what.”
Gillian and Ingrid stared at her in silence.
“Well?” Kelsey pressed. “What do you guys think?”
Gillian’s brow furrowed. Ingrid sucked the rest of her mocha through a straw.
“I’m just glad you told him the truth,” Gillian finally said.
Kelsey shook her head, feeling her fists clench. “I had to. I couldn’t take it anymore. Ingrid, what do you think?”
“I think I don’t really care, because I don’t know this guy, and either way, you’re going to be just fine.”
Gillian punched her in the shoulder. “Ingrid!”
Ingrid shrugged. “Well?”
“Do you know what it’s like to be in love?”
“Yeah, probably. I don’t know. Probably not.”
Kelsey couldn’t wrap her mind around Ingrid’s indifference. She had forgotten what it was like not to care. She wondered if she would have said the same thing if their places were switched. If Ingrid had disappeared just as Kelsey had over the past year, perhaps she wouldn’t care, either.
“What are you going to do now?” Gillian asked.
Kelsey considered for a moment. A terrible, floating feeling had arisen this morning and stayed, even now. “I don’t know. Wait, I guess.”
Gillian uncrossed her legs and stood up. “Well, we’re not going to let you shut yourself in your room this time. For the sake of society at large. Who knows what you might do?”
Kelsey felt herself smile, about to thank her.
“I mean it,” Gillian said, and Kelsey had never appreciated her best friend’s bossy tone more than right then. Or Ingrid’s easygoing innocence, for that matter, blurting out everything without a second thought. She wished she could be more like them in some ways. She wasn’t, though, because that’s not how people work. They were different, the three of them, and Kelsey was beyond the point of looking back. Either way, they were behind her.
Even though she didn’t quite deserve it.
She stood to embrace her friends, and for just a second, she felt like she was on solid ground.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Kelsey entered her house that evening and thought she was dreaming again. No, it was real: the smell of dinner cooking. The sound of her father’s favorite music taking over the house. The sight of her mother chopping vegetables on a wooden cutting board, tossing the pieces into a large metal bowl. As Kelsey got closer, she noticed the table was set, napkins and all.