A Kiss of Fire (A Kiss of Magic #2)(88)

To herself.

“He was an intelligent, intriguing man. He has left his mark. But I don’t know that I would say I miss him.”

“I wish I could say the same,” Mariah said quietly.

That brought Ariana’s attention to her lady maid with surprise.

“I beg your pardon?” She missed Sin? Had the girl formed some kind of crush on him? Had she longed for him herself?

The flash of jealousy that burned through her was fierce and brutal. She had to clench her teeth and balled her hands into fists to keep from slapping her maid.

“I miss him. Georg.”

Who in hells was Georg? Understanding dawned on her and the rush of relief was embarrassing. “You formed an attachment to a Kiltian man?”

Mariah nodded. “He was very kind to me. He showed me where everything was. How best to navigate the places and people in the temple. He made certain I felt welcome in spite of my being a foreigner from a country that many had lost kin to during the war.”

It was strange, but she never thought about the Kiltians being prejudiced against the Sarens. The Sarens had not been the aggressors in the war. It didn’t seem right that the Kiltians should bear ill will toward the Sarens. But everyone had their own perspective. The Kiltians had thought the Sarens selfish for not wanting to share land that clearly was far from being settled and was entirely superfluous to the already large country. A wilderness of fields and forests that they had not needed with anywhere near the desperation the Kiltians had.

“This Georg…do you love him?”

Mariah turned pink across the bridge of her freckled nose.

“I think…perhaps I could. I didn’t have enough time to find out.”

How selfish she had been, Ariana thought suddenly. She hadn’t even thought to ask Mariah if she had wanted to go home. She had simply assumed. She had forced the girl away from someone she was growing to care for without a second thought to her feelings or his.

“I’m sorry Mariah. I didn’t even think to ask if you wanted to leave,” Ariana said contritely.

“Oh, I wouldn’t have wanted to leave you, my lady.”

Her loyalty was touching, but Ariana suspected the girl’s heart was being sorely abused because of it. And after all, wasn’t it the heart that should come first?

Ariana stilled inside her own skin. She had not put her heart first. She had thought she was doing so by putting her people, whom she loved first, but it was becoming more and more clear to her that it was not what her true heart had wanted.

“If you don’t mind me saying so, my lady, I think you do miss him. I think you miss him a great deal more than you are letting on.”

Ariana’s eyes suddenly burned and she had to look away to conceal them from her maid.

“I admit I miss his strength and his quality of character. He was a far more remarkable man then I ever gave him credit for before this…this journey into Kilt.” She did not call it a kidnapping any longer. She couldn’t view it as such. It had been more like a forced diplomatic mission…where she had learned so much that she had changed her entire perspective about a people she had so sorely misunderstood.

“And as a lover? You do not miss him at all?” Mariah persisted.

Again she looked away from Mariah’s too keen sight. She thought of Sin’s hands on her body, his mouth on her skin. She thought of his touch invading every corner of her body so erotically she had quickly grown addicted. She remembered the feel of him hard inside of her and her body responded to the memory. She flushed hot all over.

“I…” She couldn’t make herself deny him again. Not when she was standing there warmed by the memory of his passion. She could no longer lie to herself or to others. “I do miss him,” she admitted at last, her throat aching. “More than words can say.”

“Tch,” Mariah clucked consolingly as she crossed the room and took her mistress into her arms. Mariah’s compassion acted like a valve release and tears suddenly began to flow down her cheeks.

“I don’t know what’s the matter with me!” she cried into the other woman’s ear. “I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t seem to make myself stop.”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t try so hard to deny it,” Mariah said wisely. “Perhaps by admitting it will ease the ache of it.”

“Perhaps,” Ariana said, pulling away from Mariah and wiping her eyes.

“Come. Have your bath. It will make you feel better.”

It didn’t make her feel better. Instead she found herself weeping into the soapy bubbles of her bathwater. She was frustrated with herself for doing so. There was nothing to be done about it. Crying wasn't going to help matters. She was simply not the sort to sit about crying “woe is me”. She took charge of her feelings. Took charge of her life. The trouble was, she didn’t know how to do that just then. She had no solution.

Ariana arose from her bath and stepped out onto the tiled floor and suddenly, inexplicably, the world tilted off its axis and she had to grab for Mariah to keep from falling. Mariah guided her weight until she was sitting on the cold tiled floor. She felt sick to her stomach.

“Should I fetch a doctor?” Mariah asked worriedly.

“No. I’ll be all right. I just need a minute. I stood up too fast is all.”

Mariah bit her lip, then she ventured, “You have not had your moon’s cycle since we left Kilt.”