A Kingpin Love Affair: The Complete series(3)

“Expecting something from someone is never a good thing, especially from someone like me who will only leave you disappointed. The only thing I can offer up is failure. Is that what you’re seeking?” I retort as I situated my cup under the Keurig.

I could feel the tension between the two of us growing, “The whole pity party thing is getting super old. It’s even worse when you know you have a family that loves and cares about you unconditionally, and yet you continue to live your life this way. And for what reason?”

Didn’t he know I asked myself that same question every day? Eventually, I got to a point where I had to accept the person I was and the shit God had granted me in life. I owned it as my own. This wasn’t a f*cking pity party.

“I have no logical answer for you.” I smirked, pretending like I didn’t give a shit. It had been three years since everything went down. I had been glad, grateful even, for Bree becoming a member of this family, but I knew it would leave a gaping hole in my chest. Bottom line—my dad had found the one thing that made his heart whole again and I still hadn’t.

Zerro’s laughter filled the room. “You usually have an answer for everything, so I’ll just pretend I never heard you say that.” I turned around and leaned against the counter waiting for my coffee to brew. My eyes caught on Zerro. It had been a couple months since I had last seen him. He was almost always gone—off on missions left and right, bullshit here and there. We never knew where he was or what his jobs entailed and it had aged him. He looked older, more mature. His beard had grown out and his build was more muscular. He could probably kick my ass in flag football now. Did I care? Fuck no. I’d still give him a run for his money.

I gripped the edge of the counter, forcing myself to stay put, to not pour my heart out to my best friend. Men didn’t do that. We kept that shit bottled up real tight, plus heart to hearts weren’t my thing.

“Pretend all you want, Zerro. We both know I’m the best at it.” There was no hiding the hurt from showing. I could see the flash of recognition in his eyes. There was something about him that was different but still the same. Regardless, he still saw me as the person I used to be. The one I so desperately wanted to be again. He saw everything but mostly the pain, every little glimpse I allowed to escape.

“Cut the shit, Jared. We all know something is up with you. The family needs you now more than ever.” He paused and I could practically see his chest filling with happiness. “Bree, is having another baby.” His eyes flickered with joy. I knew how much he loved her and my niece. Hell, I loved them, too. I just didn’t have that—but I wanted it, and that, more than anything else hurt the most.

“I know everyone does. I’ll make a better effort.” I lied. I wouldn’t. There was no way I was going to force myself into that situation. I watched the glee in his eyes turn to anger. He knew me better than I knew myself.

“No, you won’t. You said that last time and the time before that, and for the last three years. No one knows what’s going on with you.” He tried to sound sincere, but there was no way I was going to have this conversation with him right now.

“Save the mushy shit for someone who cares,” I growled as I turned to get some creamer from the fridge and the sugar from the cabinet. Once I had them both, I poured them in and began stirring.

“Jared, where did I leave my pant—” Janice, or maybe it was June——her voice cut off. Hell, I couldn’t remember her f*cking name for the life of me. I turned gazing over my shoulder just in time to catch the angry stare that only Zerro could give me. He didn’t have to say he didn’t approve… it was written all over his face.

“No idea, sweetheart. I do assume you can show yourself out, though?” I placed the cup against my lips, some of the liquid sloshing over the rim. The hot coffee burned my skin, and for a very brief amount of time, it allowed me to feel something even if that feeling was nothing but pain.

She stood there unmoving, her tits all but popping out of her dress. “Really? After everything that happened last night?” she questioned, her hands on her hips. I could feel the anger radiating off her in waves as she opened her pretty little mouth. A mouth that had served a way better purpose than what she was currently using it for. Why did I have to go for the blondes? They were the hardest to get to leave the next morning.

“This isn’t like a new thing, sweetheart. The doors over there.” I pointed to the front door ignoring the daggers that were being shot at me.

“You’re an *. You know that, right?” She shot over her shoulder before grabbing her pumps and heading toward the door. There was a smartass retort that was begging to be let free, but I held it in as I waited to hear the slamming of the front door. That was my signal to move on and let go of the words that were never said.

“You know it’s really shitty of you to be like that.” Zerro butted in. I rolled my eyes. Of course, he would—as if he were the most gentle of men back in the day. Instead of letting it go, I turned it around on him. The king of mafia had done far worse than I ever would.

“If I do recall, you did worse things…” I raised an eyebrow in questioning. His face fell and his eyes down casted. I didn’t mean to be a dick, but for him to tell me I was an * when he had done the same thing not all that long ago was a complete contradiction. He was throwing stones at me for doing the same thing he had once done.