Wolves' Bane (The Order of the Wolf, #3)(57)

I ran on the treadmill, drowning my thoughts in another punishing uphill climb. I’d woken up feeling emotionally drained, but had forced myself to come to the training room where Lance waited for me, as usual.

And there was the other issue for me, Lance. He was behaving exactly as I would want Cal to behave. Courteous and patient, caring and strong. He listened to me, guided me, and most importantly, laughed with me. Why couldn’t he be my Hunter? I wiped my brow with my sleeve. I shifted my eyes to him as he jabbed and punched at one of the hanging heavy bags. It would be so much easier with Lance. And yet…

I sighed.

And yet, I just didn’t feel the same thing around Lance. He didn’t make my heart speed up and my stomach drop with excitement. He didn’t have me waiting on every word or smoldering under every glance. Even when Cal was being a dick, I still wanted him. My body ached for his touch, and I was burning up with want. Giving up a night with Cal had been torture. It had taken everything in my power to keep myself from flinging the door open after I’d slammed it in his face, wanting so badly to chase him down and fly into his arms.

But I hadn’t. Instead, I’d spent a wakeful night tossing and turning and wondering where Cal was. When my eyes finally drifted closed, I zoomed straight into dreadful nightmares of Jimmy and blood, death and violence. Nightmares that I knew would disappear if I were cuddled in Cal’s arms.

I sighed again as I punched the stop button with my finger. I’d run the equivalent of ten miles, and I felt quite done with it.

“Had enough?” Lance asked as he laid his hand on the punching bag to stop its movement. “Want to do some grappling or maybe try out a few of the other weapons?”

I shook my head as I snagged my bottle of water from the treadmill and plopped down onto the floor. My heart raced from my run, which felt great, but my head was reeling from my troubling thoughts, which did not.

Lance frowned as his gaze slid over my expression. “Everything okay?”

I snorted, taking a gulp of water in an attempt to disguise the tears that welled in my eyes. No, everything was not okay. I shrugged again as I lowered the bottle, my gaze downcast and my bottom lip trembling. Ah shit, suck it up.

“Morgan?” Lance sat down next to me.

I curled my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees, my gaze still riveted to the ground in front of me. “I’m just feeling a little drained.”

“Drained in what way?”

His concerned tone had me trying to force a smile. I failed miserably and instead focused on staring straight ahead, fighting against the tears that threatened to burst free.

I shrugged. “It’s just so much to take in all at once, you know?”

“Yeah, I’m sure it doesn’t help that your Hunter is being a total jackass, either.”

I snapped my gaze to meet Lance’s. “What?”

He smirked. “Cal’s being a total shit. I don’t think it’s right. What he’s doing to you, that is.”

Fresh tears welled. “You don’t?”

Lance’s smile faded and he shook his head. “No. And as much as I respect Cal for his loyalty and his sense of duty, I think you should come first. His Huntress should be his first priority. At the moment, he’s putting the needs of the Order in front of you.”

My bottom lip trembled. “He is?”

Lance laid his hand on my knee and smiled. “What’s really shitty is that if you succeed in killing Lazarus, you’ve got an eternity of dealing with this shit from him. I mean, maybe if you do succeed, he’ll stop acting like such a prick but—”

“What?” I pushed my legs down and straightened my spine, my heart kicking up. “What do you mean I have an eternity?”

Lance’s eyes widened. “He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Lance ran his fingers over his mouth and briefly closed his eyes, murmuring a few curse words under his breath as he did. When he opened his eyes again, they were filled with pity. “Ah shit, Morgan, he didn’t explain that the bonding process was for an eternity? You become immortal in the sense of halting the aging process. You can die as a result of violence, but you’ll never get sick, you’ll never get a terminal illness, you will heal faster and most importantly, you simply will not age or change while your Hunter lives.”

My mouth gaped as each of Lance’s words rolled over me. When he finished talking and laid his hand on my back, I totally lost control. The tears I’d been fighting burst out of me like a torrent. I sucked in gasping breaths of air as my body shook. An eternity of this? An eternity of wanting, of craving, of feeling like shit? Lance pulled me toward him, wrapping me in his big arms and bringing my face to rest against his chest while I blubbered like an idiot. How could Cal do this to me when he knew that he wouldn’t be able to give me what I wanted, what I needed from him? How could he be so cruel?

Lance’s soothing whispers and gentle hand running down my back brought on a fresh batch of wrenching sobs. Why did I get stuck with such a heartless Hunter when Lance was so nice to me? Why did I have such shitty luck?

In the middle of another bout of wracking sobs, I found myself abruptly torn from Lance’s grasp. Huge hands encircled my waist and brought me to my feet, yanking me away from Lance and almost halfway across the room before letting me go again.