Queen (The Blackcoat Rebellion #3)(10)

“How far does it go?” I said, stunned. Suddenly the ache in my side from where steel-toed boots had connected with my ribs didn’t seem to hurt as badly.

Rivers scratched his head, his blond hair falling into his eyes. “Not sure. I know some of the tunnels lead into the other sections, at the very least. For all I know, it spreads throughout Elsewhere.”

I took a hesitant step into the darkness, and Rivers produced a flashlight, illuminating the narrow passageway. The ground was hardened from countless footsteps, but clumps of dirt hung from the ceiling, giving me the sickening sensation that it could collapse at any moment. “Have you told Knox?”

“Yeah. Even gave Strand a tour. They didn’t seem interested.” Taking my elbow, Rivers led me inside, swinging the shelf and door into place behind us. The tunnel sloped steeply, descending far belowground.

“Why not? This could solve the supply lines issue, if one of the tunnels leads out of Elsewhere,” I said. “Not even Knox is that shortsighted.”

“Couldn’t tell you. Asking questions isn’t my job,” said Rivers, giving me a significant look as we approached a fork.

I hesitated. “But you think it’s mine?”

Rivers shrugged and headed down the left branch. “Maybe they have a good reason for not using it, but like you said, it could solve all our supply line problems. What’s going on between the two of you, anyway?”

“Who? Me and Strand?”

He snorted. “I know exactly what’s going on between you and Strand. You both hate each other so much that it’s a miracle the walls don’t ice over when you two are in the same room.”

I made a face. “Is it that obvious?”

“I’ve seen machine guns that are more subtle. I mean you and Knox, you goof. What’s going on there?”

“Nothing,” I said, maybe a little too quickly. Rivers raised an eyebrow, and I raised one right back. “I mean it. Nothing’s going on there. He was my fake fiancé, and now he’s the head of the Blackcoats and wants to send me off to join my mother in hiding instead of letting me fight, but he knows he’ll lose support if he doesn’t have a mouthpiece who can string a sentence together, so here we are.”

“Yes, I know all of that, thank you. I mean what is it you two aren’t telling the rest of us?”

I eyed him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I expected some kind of quip in return, but instead Rivers studied me. Even in the dim light, I could see the blue in his eyes. He must have been able to see it in mine, too. “You know he’s crazy about you, right?” he said.

“If you mean I make him crazy, then yes, I know,” I said carefully.

“That, too,” he agreed with a grin. “But we both know what I’m talking about.”

Except I didn’t. All I could see when I looked at Knox was the way he viewed me as nothing more than an annoyance. Our so-called friendship had been going steadily downhill since Augusta’s death, and now we could barely say a word to each other without bickering. That wasn’t him being crazy about me. That was us driving each other insane.

“I’m with Benjy,” I said resolutely. “I love him.”

“Doesn’t stop Knox from wanting you.”

“Knox is better than that,” I snapped, and as soon as I realized what I’d said, I clamped my mouth shut. It was too late, though, and Rivers grinned.

“Is he? Wouldn’t have thought it from the way you talk about him.”

I gritted my teeth. There was no winning with Rivers, not when he seemed to be so damn sure and I had no way of defending myself. I had no idea how Knox really felt, but it didn’t matter. My loyalty to Benjy would never waver,and the insinuation that I would happily betray my best friend for someone who barely seemed to like me made me bristle.

“You think you’re being funny, but you’re not. This isn’t some sideshow to entertain you. This is my life. Benjy has been there for me in a way no one else ever has. He’s my family, and you don’t just push family aside for some itch you want to scratch. That’s not how real love works. Real love is support, even when you’re fighting. Real love is honesty, even when the truth hurts like hell. Real love is being there through every miserable minute and every infinite moment. Real love is—it’s sitting in that cage together with a gun pointed at your head, knowing all you have to do to save your life is kill him, and instead you hold each other because living without him isn’t living at all.” I sucked in a deep breath and blinked hard, an unnamed part of me twisting sharply. “Knox would have killed me if it meant winning the war. I’m nothing more than a pawn to him. But Benjy would have died for me.”

Rivers was quiet for several seconds, until at last he slipped an arm around my shoulders. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe the things I see when you aren’t looking are just my imagination. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a pawn to him. You’re even more than the most important piece on the board. To Knox, there is no game without you.”

“Then he’s going to be bitterly disappointed when it ends.” Pain radiated down my side, and I winced. “I’m with Benjy. I love Benjy. Nothing will ever change that.”

“I don’t doubt it,” said Rivers, and at least he had the decency to sound slightly abashed. “Just—don’t forget that there’s more than one kind of love.”