In the Company of Wolves (SWAT, #3)(40)

Eric must have picked up on the struggle going on inside her, because this time, he was the one who broke the kiss. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded and gave him a small smile, then leaned in for another kiss, but he stopped her with a frown. She sat back on his thighs and covered her face with her hands. Eric may have been the one guy she could finally open herself up to, and she was going to ruin her chance because she was so screwed up.

Eric’s big, strong hands took hold of hers and gently lowered them from her face. “Jayna, what’s wrong? If I pushed too hard, I’m sorry. But please, talk to me.”

Jayna couldn’t look at him, so she stared down at their intertwined hands through eyes welling with tears. “It’s not that, I swear. But it’s complicated. And a long story.”

“Well, with you sitting on me, it’s not like I’m going anywhere, so you might as well tell me.”

She would have climbed off his lap, but his hands settled on her thighs, keeping her seated firmly right where she was—straddling his hips in a position that made it impossible to ignore how much he enjoyed having her there, even with all the drama going on.

Jayna looked down at her hands. “I went through my change when I was seventeen…the night my stepfather tried to rape me.” Eric let out a soft growl but didn’t say anything. “Since then, I’ve had a hard time getting physical with guys, and when I do, it tends not to work out too well for the guy or me because I’m basically a mess.”

Jayna held her breath, waiting for him to ease her off his lap and pull away from her, but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything either. Oh crap. This was bad.

She slowly lifted her head, afraid of what she’d see on his face and praying it wouldn’t be pity. She’d be off his lap and running with all the speed her werewolf legs possessed if he gave her one second of pity.

But when she met his gaze, there was no pity to be seen. Just understanding.

“Thank you for telling me that. It explains a lot.” He gave her a small smile. “But I’m still here. If you feel like telling me the full version of the story, I mean.”

She stared at him, speechless. She’d just told him that she was messed up in the head and unlikely to be a good roll in the hay for a really long time to come. Yet here he was, waiting for the rest of the story. And the most amazing part? She was ready to tell him. It was a story that no one but Megan knew in full, and she was ready to tell a guy who wasn’t even in her pack, a guy she’d known for less than a week.

So Jayna sat there, straddling his lap, and told him everything, starting with how her real dad had died when she was young, how her mom had turned to drugs first, then crappy guys to get through the day, how Darren had attacked her, and how she’d stabbed him, then walked away without ever looking back. After that, she told him how Liam, Chris, and Joseph had found her practically freezing to death on the streets of Detroit and taken her in. She even told him about sleeping with other guys over the years because she had this crazy notion that if she acted normal, she’d be normal.

“But it never worked,” she finished quietly. She had a feeling it would be different with Eric though—if he was patient enough to put up with her while she worked out her issues. She gave him a sheepish look. “Sorry I dumped all that on you at once.”

His mouth curved into that smile she loved so much. “You didn’t dump anything on me. I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me.”

Jayna was glad too, and for the first time in forever, it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. It felt good.

“Did you ever go back to find out what happened to your mom?” Eric asked. “Or see if your stepfather lived?”

She shook her head. “My face never showed up on any wanted posters, so he must have been okay. As for my mom, well, I didn’t think there was any reason to bother. The pack became my family, and I moved on.”

Even though Jayna was pretty sure she’d killed the mood after a conversation like that, she couldn’t stop from leaning in to press a tender kiss to Eric’s lips.

“Thank you,” she said. “For listening.”

He grinned. “Anytime.”

It occurred to her that she should probably get off his lap, but she didn’t want to. Despite everything, Eric was still excited. His hard cock, trapped between them as she sat astride his thighs, told her that in no uncertain terms. That hardness felt good…and scary at the same time. She might have slept with guys, but none of them had ever made her feel anything like this.

She looked at him from beneath her lashes. “Maybe we could try and see how things work out with us? I think it would be different with you.”

He cupped her face in his hand. “I think it would be different too. But I’d rather find the right place and time to ease into this slowly. I don’t like the idea of Kos or Liam or Frasheri walking in here when we’re in the middle of something good. So why don’t we leave this pot on to simmer for a while?”

She hadn’t even thought about someone walking in on them. Eric was right. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t disappointed.

Eric weaved his fingers into her long hair and pulled her close to give her a long, lingering kiss that left her wanting more. And soon.

If she didn’t leave now, she might not have the strength to.