Dawn of Ash (Imdalind, #6)(29)

Like it was nothing.

Yet, I felt responsible, felt so … parental?

My stomach flipped.

Is that what this was? This weird feeling of uncomfortable failure and of failed responsibility? I had never really had a parental figure to know. In fact, the closest I had ever had to a dad was Sain, and I was currently plotting to kill my biological father with him.

Even though I had watched plenty of TV shows, I had missed my own father in so much of my life I had never once contemplated how a parent felt in this type of situation. I was too busy sticking myself in the kid’s shoes, too busy trying to imagine what it would be like to have a father who cared and wanted to be in their kids’ lives, not just destroy them.

Now, somehow, I was standing where that TV dad had been, staring down at some kid with this weird feeling of sorrow and disappointment. A feeling I had somehow wronged this kid, that I hadn’t given him what he needed.

I had failed him.

You have failed me.

Be a good son, Ryland.

I felt like I had been kicked in the groin.

It was a sensation I was used to thanks to Rugby. Nevertheless, I didn’t think I would feel it quite so perfectly again, especially when no groin kicking had actually happened.

I was way too young to be dealing with this stuff.

Too late now.

“You’re right.” Those two words were so much harder to say than I would have thought.

Who would have guessed that accepting defeat to a kid would be so hard?

“Whoa,” Jaromir gasped, his eyes widening exponentially. “My dad never did that.”

“Did what?”

“Admitted it.”

It’s because you are weak.



I narrowed my eyes at him. It seemed like such the logical thing to do. If you made a mistake, you owned up to it. Then you made it better. Wasn’t that how this stuff went? I could already tell this was going to be a lot harder than I had thought.

Thank goodness I wasn’t his real father.

“Well, I made a mistake, didn’t I?” My voice was much harder than I wanted it to be. It was more with frustration from trying to figure this out than from anger. Jaromir didn’t really see that, though.

He looked at me with worry before shrugging his shoulders. “I guess.”

This whole thing was getting much too complicated.

“Well then, I’m sorry for it.” While I paused awkwardly, he gaped at me uncomfortably, and I did the only thing I could think of. “Now try it again.”

“Try what again?”

“The inverted flame.”

“But I thought—”

“You already seem to know more than your fair share. I promise no more secrets. And anything else you want to know, we will talk about it later. I promise.” And preferably not when I was still trying to figure out what in the world had happened and what role I had taken on.

Besides, I knew he had been dying to talk about what he had seen with Joclyn all afternoon. It was not something I wished to reiterate quite yet. I still needed to talk to Sain and figure out what in the world he had been thinking.

What he was doing.

I supposed it was a good thing we had already scheduled dinner tonight, even though we had planned on card games and trying to figure out where the rest of the Soul’s Blade was. I would have to add a Q&A to the schedule.

Jaromir caught my meaning quickly enough and grinned widely before running back to the center of the courtyard, leaving me trying to catch my breath while the space filled with streams of smoke and fireless flame.

“Why do I feel like I have just run a marathon?” I asked the question to the empty courtyard then jumped when someone responded.

“I didn’t think we had the space to run a marathon.”

I spun toward the voice, toward Risha who was walking through the dim red light toward me, her arms full of what looked like sandwiches and who knew what else.

I simultaneously smiled and cringed, something she did not miss.

“Are you okay, Ryland?” Her voice was sweet, and the disgust that had filled me at seeing the food left quickly. “Is it okay that I am here?”

“More than okay.”

I thought I had done a fairly decent job of keeping Joclyn clueless of my affection for her for all those years. I had done everything right: the right gifts, the right words, the right amount of touch. It had taken all my instincts not to go all caveman on her and claim my prize, and in the end, I had done it, anyway.

But Risha…

Risha brought out a whole new, awkward side of me I hadn’t even known existed, one that stammered and blushed for dumb reasons and somehow forgot to be suave. It was something no guy should ever be, especially over a girl. It drove me crazy, though she seemed to find it adorable.

“Good,” she said with one of her wide grins that twisted through my stomach, “because, with the look you were giving me, I was sure I had grown a lizard head out of my shoulders.”

She laughed at that, but I gawked at her, trying to get my mind to pick up the pace and form coherent sentences.

“No!” That was too loud. “It’s just that you smell … I mean the food smells … I mean the food…” I let whatever mumbo jumbo I had been trying to say fade away as she laughed, her green eyes sparkling as the bell-like chime of her amusement made my stomach flip around a few more times. All thought was slowly draining from my mind like goo.