What Lies Beyond the Veil (Of Flesh & Bone, #1)(97)

The part of me that would always search for him wanted to scour the rocks below for any signs of a body, but I knew well enough to know that I wouldn’t find him.

I’d never see him again.

“I miss my family,” I murmured, feeling tears sting my eyes. I missed my mother and wondered if she was alright and being treated well in our absence. I missed the brother who had died trying to save me from a life of misery.

I missed the father they’d killed while I was a girl.

Caelum gripped the back of my neck gently, squeezing his fingers ever-so-slightly until he was able to pull my face out of his chest and stare down at my tear-streaked cheeks, as if he wanted to eradicate the very things that had hurt me.

He brushed a thumb over the falling tear, wiping it away as he pressed his lips to my forehead. “I’m your family now,” he said gently, the words soothing a small part of me that felt like a lone ship lost in the mist and floating without a destination.

I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t the same, that we would never truly be family to one another; not when we could be taken at any moment, and the thought of leaving a child behind was unfathomable. I couldn’t make myself say the words, though, wanting to sink into his assertion and believe in the distantly happy, if delusional, picture.

Even if just for a little while.

“I love you, my star. I think I’ve loved you since you put a knife to my throat. Nothing will ever change that,” he murmured, the words lighting something inside me aflame with a cold fire. They were impossible, but I couldn’t deny the way I felt in return.

“Melian says it isn’t possible for us to love anyone but our mates, because being Marked changed us,” I said, staring back at him. Giving him the opportunity to take back the words, even while I prayed he meant them.

I couldn’t imagine my life without him after only a few short weeks with him at my side, our bond ingrained in me so fully that I didn’t know who I would be without him anymore.

Caelum lowered his body down the wall outside the cave, taking me with him as he sat and leaned against it. Staring out at the water and pulling my head into his shoulder, he seemed to revel in the feeling of the sun on his skin and the freedom that came from being outside the tunnels.

“I have no doubt that Melian believes what she says,” Caelum said, taking my hand in his and lifting it to touch where his heart beat in his chest. “But I promise you, my heart beats for you.”

My resolve crumbled, falling around us as I stared into those obsidian eyes until the moment his lips touched mine. He kissed me softly, gently, as if I was the only thing precious in his world.

But I couldn’t say the words back yet, even though they resonated within me. To admit my love was to give him power over me, the power to hurt me, and I wasn’t ready for that last step just yet; not after enduring so much pain the last few weeks and so much I still didn’t know about him.

He pulled back, smiling down at me knowingly, not waiting for me to say the words back to him. “We have all the time in the world, Little One,” he said, settling in to feel the sun on his face.

“Will you tell me more about your life before the Veil dropped?” I asked, feeling like the question might give him the opportunity to open up to me more. If he could do that, then maybe I would be able to let go of the unrelenting fear that he would hurt me.

If I could know him, maybe I could let myself love him.

“What do you want to know?” he asked, his body stiffening for a moment before he forced it to relax. He shifted his legs, getting more comfortable, and I knew without a doubt that talking about his life wasn’t something he would do readily.

Everything I wanted to know about him, I would have to pry out of him with probing questions. “Anything. Did you have any siblings?” I asked, watching as he flinched.

“No. My birth mother never had any other children, and neither did my father. My stepmother did bear a child from another man out of wedlock, but she disappeared when she was only a few weeks old,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as if it was inconsequential to him.

“That’s terrible. Did they ever figure out what happened to her?” I asked, swallowing back the sickness I felt over the thought of a child being stolen.

A baby, at that.

“No, but I have to think she was better off. My stepmother was a vile woman, and that poor girl would have suffered having her for a mother. I would know,” Caelum said, shuffling his legs once again.

“What about your birth mother? Did you ever meet her?” I asked, and he sighed, his eyes drifting closed.

“In passing. My family was involved in politics, as was my mother. Our paths crossed because of that frequently, but she always kept her distance because of my stepmother.”

“Nothing could keep me from my child,” I murmured, not pausing to consider that it sounded like his mother didn’t love him enough. It hadn’t been my intention.

“There are some evils in this world that use love against you. Keeping your distance is far safer in those circumstances. I hope you’re never put in that situation, my star,” Caelum said, not seeming to take offense to the words. “We should head back,” he added, sighing and getting to his feet. He left me with the distinct feeling that we would have stayed in the sun far longer had it not been for my difficult questions, but I couldn’t apologize for wanting to get to know the man who supposedly loved me.