What Lies Beyond the Veil (Of Flesh & Bone, #1)(50)
“It was a long time ago,” I responded, ignoring the flash of pain in my chest, as if time could ease the loss of someone so monumental in my life. My ghosts followed me wherever I went, my grief for them hanging over my head as a constant reminder of how fleeting life could be.
Even so, I didn’t open up and mention that I’d been about to suffer the same fate, or that I’d touched the magical fabric of the Veil in the moments before it fell.
It couldn’t have been my fault. Even so, no one could know what I’d done; I’d touched it in the moments just prior to it shattering. Not if I wanted to live without the blame people would place upon my shoulders.
“The memory of the people who matter to us never leave, no matter how many years pass,” he said, pausing until I met his gaze from the corner of my eye. Something dangerous shifted behind his stare, a dark reminder of how little I actually knew about the man who’d become my travel companion. “Never hesitate to own your love for them, and to make it known that you miss them every day.”
I smiled despite myself, curving my lips up at the corners as he watched the subtle movement. “Who is it that you miss every day? A girlfriend?” I asked, wishing I could mentally stab myself in the mouth.
That was not the kind of question I’d intended to ask to get to know him better, completely inappropriate considering I had no intentions of trying to fill that void if there was one.
Gods. Just kill me.
“I wouldn’t call her a girlfriend, so much. The relationship we had was complicated at best, distant if I’m honest. But things have changed. I don’t miss her anymore,” he admitted. “Relationships are like that. Constantly evolving and changing. Not like family.”
“No. Not like family,” I said, thinking of Loris. While I wouldn’t call him anything more than a friend, in spite of our sexual relations, I’d cared for him in my own way.
“Did you have someone back home?” he asked, his fingers tightening on my hand almost imperceptibly. I only caught it because of my fixation on his body, the way I seemed to be so in tune to the way he moved and the nuances of it.
Everything had a purpose.
“It’s complicated,” I said, huffing a laugh when I realized how similar our answers were. “I had a friend, who was something a little more, but it never could have gone anywhere.”
His jaw clenched, annoyance crossing his face as he turned back toward the path and gave me his profile. I took pleasure in the stern set to his jaw, and the way his anger was practically palpable in the air. Even if I wouldn’t dare to venture there with him, it was nice to know I wasn’t the only one who felt the strange draw between us. “Why not?” he asked, the words coming out forced through gritted teeth.
“The Lord of Mistfell took an interest in me,” I said, glancing toward the sun in the sky as it slowly made its way across the horizon. Night would fall soon enough, and I hoped Caelum was right and we would reach the base of the mountains by then. I didn’t want to spend another night out in the open if I could avoid it. “He poisoned his wife and determined we would be married instead.”
Caelum twitched, his arm going taut. He kept walking as if he hadn’t flinched from my words. “You said he determined this? Did you agree to it?” The judgment in his tone disappointed me and stung; the men in Mistfell were never judged for their affairs.
Only the women they had them with.
“Of course not, but it isn’t like I would’ve had a choice,” I snapped. “He is a Lord, and I’m nothing more than a peasant who can’t afford a new pair of boots. He made it quite clear I didn’t have much choice if I wanted to live.” I yanked my hand out of his grip.
With the intimacy of our stolen moment gone, I wanted no contact with him and the reminder of what all men did. They judged and they took and they left women to deal with the consequences.
I wanted no part of that.
“I didn’t mean for it to sound as if you had any responsibility for it,” Caelum said, pausing his steps. I continued forward, storming past him in my aggravation with myself, unable to believe that, even for a fleeting moment, I’d allowed myself to believe he could be anything other than what all men were. He took a few quick steps, placing himself at my side as he caught my wrist in his grip and turned me back to face him. “I’m sorry, Little One.”
“I have a name,” I said, the words coming out more sternly than I’d intended.
“I’m aware. It is a beautiful name,” he said, the corner of his mouth tipping up in amusement. It filled me with the urge to punch him in the throat, knowing that he didn’t take my anger seriously.
Moving to do just that, I curled the tips of my fingers in and jabbed my knuckles at his voice box. He caught that wrist with his free hand, staring down at me with a raised eyebrow. “That would have hurt.”
“Fuck you. It was meant to,” I snarled, tearing my arm back from his unrelenting grip. He didn’t release me, holding it firm and using it to tug me closer to himself.
My breasts pressed against his stomach, his face leaning over mine as he grinned down at me. His eyes twinkled as those full lips parted to reveal his perfect, white teeth. “Are you ready for that, Estrella?” he murmured my name in that smooth, deep voice of his sounding like a purr of satisfaction. “I was under the impression you were still pretending that wasn’t exactly what you wanted.”