Unspeakable Things(69)
A flare like annoyance crossed his face. “You shouldn’t be seen with me. I’m a dangerous man. Haven’t you heard?”
“I saw Clam here the other night,” I said, stared down at my feet. And that’s when I realized why I’d biked here. I needed Connelly to tell me that my eyes had deceived me, that of course he hadn’t invited Clam into his kitchen, not when all this horror was happening to Lilydale boys.
“I hired him to do yard work,” Connelly said, his voice brittle. Then he closed the door in my face.
I biked home, something hard settling in me.
CHAPTER 45
I’d gone to bed a kid, but I woke up a teenager.
An honest-to-god thirteen-year-old. I felt different, I was sure of it. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I could almost pretend that the world wasn’t collapsing around me, could almost stay ahead of the gray dread that nipped at my heels. I got to eat cornflakes, milk, and bananas for breakfast. Name-brand cornflakes Mom had bought special for me.
I played with the cats until it was time to leave.
“Ready for your birthday?” Mom asked when I found her loading up the van.
“I was born ready for my birthday.”
Mom didn’t laugh at the joke. I don’t think she got it, or maybe there wasn’t much worth laughing about today. She’d made the cake and bought the ice cream, though, plus the Kellogg’s Corn Flakes, sliced ham and cheese, white bread, mustard, and potato chips. The perishables were on ice in a cooler that she shoved in the back of the van.
Sephie was at summer school. Dad wasn’t around, not that I’d seen. It was only Mom and me in that van, heading toward Lake Corona early.
“Tell me again how many people you invited,” Mom asked.
“Three.”
She flipped down the van’s visor to shield her face from the sun. “Nice day for it.”
“Thanks for having it.”
She nodded. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, and she was wearing coral-colored shorts and a matching shirt that she’d sewn herself. Her one pair of sandals didn’t match the summer set, but they were in good shape. Lynn and her mom probably wouldn’t even notice.
She flicked me a look. “What are you staring at?”
“Nothing. You look nice.” I brushed imaginary dirt off my knees. She’d never noticed that I’d shaved. She also hadn’t asked about my bike ride yesterday, and I hadn’t offered. “What was Rammy Bauer like when he was younger?”
She looked over at me again, sharper this time. “You mean Mr. Bauer?”
“Goblin called him Rammy.”
She frowned. I saw new lines carved between her eyebrows and alongside her mouth. “He was fine. Well, nice enough.”
“Why did you two break up?”
Mom brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “It was a high school thing. Not meant to last. Your dad’s always been the man for me.”
“Did Mr. Bauer get into trouble in high school?”
She chuckled at this. It was a papery sound. “I suppose he did. Fights and the like. But everyone deserves a second chance, don’t you think?”
“Everyone?”
“Sure. Take our new neighbors.” She leaned her head toward Frank’s house as we passed. “Mr. Gomez went to jail.”
“No way.”
“Yep. Aramis told us, but he won’t say what for.”
“Mom, I think Mr. Bauer—”
“Is upset about the boys getting hurt? I’m sure he is. And he’s doing everything in his power to find Gabriel.”
I watched the hillocks roll past, my scar tightening like a rope at my throat. The gravel gave way to tar. Mom wasn’t going to listen to me about Sergeant Bauer. I opened my mouth to make my case, but a whole different set of words tumbled out. “I’m afraid of Dad.”
The car jerked forward as her foot spasmed against the gas. “You and your imagination. Stop being so dramatic.”
My heart was about crashing out of my chest. I pressed my lips together. I was going to get this out, finally. “He always says gross stuff.”
Her hands tightened on the wheel. “Not this again.”
She wasn’t hearing me, had never been able to hear me, but I desperately hoped that if I ordered the words exactly right, like I had the nights my writing stopped Dad from coming up the stairs, I could make her understand. “Why do we have to live with him?”
“I told you. I love him. He’s a good husband.”
I shook my head. “No, he isn’t.”
“There’s so much you don’t know.”
I looked out the window again. Cabins were zooming past. The park was just ahead. I supposed there was a lot I didn’t know. For starters, I didn’t know what to do with the hot little rock that settled in my belly every time Mom shut me up like that. I didn’t know what to do with a dad who hunted me and Sephie. I didn’t know what to do with my fear that he was now helping Sergeant Bauer stalk boys, or at least looking the other way as Sergeant Bauer did.
“Hey, is that Lynn’s vehicle?” Mom pointed toward the far end of the parking lot we’d pulled into. “They’re here early!”
She eased the van next to the silver sedan, and we both got out. We balanced the dry goods on top of the cooler and lugged the heavy blue-and-white box between us down the hill and toward the public picnic tables. Lynn and her mom had already saved us the best one, the one under the oak tree. I couldn’t let go of the cooler to wave, but I hollered as soon as we were close. “Hi, Lynn!”