Unspeakable Things(28)

“Cassandra!”

I squeaked as Mr. Connelly appeared from the shadows at the top of the locker room stairs. My only consolation was that he appeared more startled than me, his face white, his hair mussed. He flicked on the stairwell lights. They were harsh against the amber glow of the floor.

I glanced around. Connelly was alone. My heartbeat, which had been pleasantly pumping from the jog, skipped a lurch before it got back on track. I held out my yearbook. “Will you sign it for me?”

Connelly ran his ring finger across his forehead, moving a stray hair back into place. His eyes were hidden for a moment, and then there they were, his warm smile in place. That grin could light up a room. “You caught me meditating. My apologies.”

I smiled. It felt like I had less lip to work with than usual. This was the first time I’d been alone with Connelly. Where no one could see us, I mean. He gave private lessons to everyone in band, but the lessons were stacked, which meant someone else was always waiting for their lesson after you, so you were never technically alone with him, especially since the lesson room had windows for walls. Still, it’d always felt good to sit in that small practice room with Connelly, who smelled like an Italian actor and dressed like a fresh envelope.

But here we were truly alone, and something felt off.

Mrs. Puglisi’s words played across the television screen of my brain. A grown man, still living with his parents besides. His mother had a heart attack last week. Did you hear about that? It would explain why he wasn’t able to control his urges anymore. That sort of stress drives a man crazy.

My hand was shaking. Connelly wasn’t taking the yearbook. I pulled it toward my body.

The soft wheeze of one of the locker room doors closing below wafted up the stairs. We both tensed at the noise, swathed in the oily smell of the antique locker room heaters that were needed to heat the wet and frigid basement no matter the season.

Soft footsteps padded toward us.

Gabriel appeared, a confused smile on his face.

Gabriel! My heart thumped. He reminded me of a feather-haired Greek god. He was so close, so unexpected. The air grew syrupy like it does when life tumbles out of your hands.

Connelly seemed to blend into the darkness of the bleachers before changing his mind and stepping toward Gabriel, who wore a turquoise T-shirt that matched his eyes. Gabriel’s top lip was dusted with the lightest of incoming mustaches. My glance shot to his paper airplane necklace. The world shifted as I imagined the cool metal licking the tender skin at my throat.

“You have one, too,” Gabriel said, pointing toward my neck.

My knees buckled. Could Gabriel see my imagination?

Connelly reached out and held me up. “Whoa there!”

I steadied myself and blinked, which was all the time I needed to realize that Gabriel had been referring to the green padded yearbook I was clutching to my chest, identical to the one he was holding. Of course he couldn’t see into my brain. I swear, sometimes I felt like a monkey wearing clothes, hoping nobody noticed. “I’m having Mr. Connelly sign it.”

“He asked me for mine, too,” Gabriel said, smiling that honey smile. Being on the receiving end of it felt like returning to the sunshine after a life underground.

“Can’t let my best students leave for the year without a proper message to carry them through the summer!” Connelly produced a pen out of his back pocket with a flourish. His words and jovial tone made me smile, even though I knew I was far from his top pupil. I decided to write off the momentary weird vibe he’d given me. Who had the energy to be freaked out when all their dreams were coming true?

“Is Connelly giving you summer lessons, too, Cassie?”

Connelly had announced to all band students last week that he’d be providing private music lessons to interested students this summer. He said he’d only charge $20 an hour, which might as well have been $2,000 an hour for my family. The good news was, who wanted to learn how to play the clarinet better?

“Naw, I’m just here to get my yearbook signed.” I held it out to him, proud of how cool I sounded. His hair appeared so soft. I imagined running my fingers through it, and goose bumps erupted on my forearms. “You might as well sign it, too.”

“Hey now.” Mr. Connelly laughed, snatching it from my hand. “Me first. And if I won’t see you for lessons, I can at least count on you to sell those popcorn kits.”

“Sure!”

“Great. Stop by my house this summer. Maybe you and Gabriel can sell together?”

“Will do!”

And we stood there, in that safe pocket of smiles and laughter, summer dreams and yearbook autographs, and it was the last time we’d all three be together again.

Alive, I mean.





CHAPTER 16

Sephie swiveled her knees toward the middle of the bus so I could squish in next to the window. She took in my grinning face, my hair gone pancake in the humidity, my backpack stuffed to capacity with the end-of-school locker clean out.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked.

I ignored her. Instead, I stood and rested my elbows on the pane of the open window, chin in hands, and studied the front of the school, hoping to spot Gabriel walking out.

I’d waited until final period to read his inscription in my yearbook.

Cass, sweet lass, hope your summer doesn’t go too fast! I will see you around, promise.