Top Secret Twenty-One: A Stephanie Plum Novel(78)

“This is going to be so majestic,” Caroline said. “When do I start walking down the aisle?”

“When you hear the band playing Burt Bacharach’s ‘The Look of Love,’ that will be your cue to slowly glide down the aisle,” Nick told her. “You will be a vision in white, and you will walk very slowly so you don’t slip on the rose petals and break your back. Also if you walk too fast your breasts will bounce out of your bodice.”

The slow walk down the aisle was important to Nick because he needed four minutes and eleven seconds of distraction to steal all of Milton’s treasures, including his priceless collection of golden Chachapoyan tribal artifacts.

Caroline looked across the terrace to Milton. “Will Burt be here?”

“No, he will not,” Milton said. “Burt was unavailable.”

Not that Milton had bothered to check. The wedding was already going to be too expensive without flying in celebrities.

Caroline frowned. “It won’t be the same without him.”

Nick patted her shoulder. “I’ll make sure you have the highest quality digital sound system money can buy.”

Caroline continued to pout.

“What about Dionne Warwick?” Nick said. “Maybe Dionne is available. Wow, what a voice.”

“Yes, Dionne!” Caroline said.

“She’s not available either,” Milton said, staring daggers at Nick, who pretended not to notice.

“What about her sister Celine?” Caroline asked.

Milton looked incredulously at his fiancée, and for a moment Nick feared he might cancel the wedding on the spot.

“Dionne Warwick doesn’t have a sister Celine,” Nick told Caroline. “You’re thinking of Celine Dion.”

“Yes,” she said. “How about her?”

Milton looked like he was still contemplating jumping, and Nick saw his whole scheme slipping away.

“Not a good idea,” Nick said. “If we had Burt or Dionne or Celine here, no one would notice them. Once you step out in your gown it will be all about you. You’ll be the star of the show. Burt would get kicked to the curb. And you know how fragile some of those celebrity egos can be. We wouldn’t want to be responsible for Burt’s mental breakdown.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Caroline said. “I’d never want to do anything to harm Burt.”

“And you’re the luckiest man in Chicago,” Nick said to Milton. “All the other guys out there—well, at least the straight guys—are taking Viagra to get a good stiffy going. We’re going to have to tranq you so you don’t go animal on us and ravish Caroline on the spot when you see her in her wedding gown.”

This got another giggle out of Caroline, and Milton finally smiled. He liked the idea that he might be able to go animal without pharmaceutical assistance.

“Every man on this rooftop is going to be wishing he was in your shoes,” Nick said to Milton, “but she’s all yours. Caroline will be your greatest, most enviable treasure.”

Actually, Caroline and the four-carat diamond she had on her finger would be the only treasure left in Milton’s penthouse.

The wedding would take place on the lake-facing end of the rooftop garden. The reception would be held in the living room, which had been cleared of its usual furniture and filled with tables and chairs. For the most part, the golden idols were displayed in Milton’s study, bedroom, and dining room, areas that were on the city-facing side of the penthouse and would be off limits to the guests, allowing Nick and his crew almost unfettered access to the collection. Nick had already cataloged every item and assigned them to crew members by location.

Nick led Caroline across the garden to Milton. “When the song ends, you’ll stand here together, under an obscenely expensive arch of flowers, and you’ll speak your vows in the flattering glow of moonbeams and candlelight.”

“I could cry just thinking about it,” Caroline said.

“Me too,” Milton said, contemplating the price of the flowers and candlelight, relieved that at least the moonbeams might be free.

Nick put his hand to his heart, showing that he was also overwhelmed with the wonderfulness of it all. “And here’s the big finale, are you ready? I just love this part. When the minister declares you man and wife, the instant you kiss, the band will play a triumphant version of Neil Diamond’s ‘Sweet Caroline’ and the sky will erupt in fireworks from a barge on the lake.”

“Will it be Neil?” Caroline asked.

“No, it will not,” Milton said. “He doesn’t do weddings.”

“But he sang at the wedding in Saving Silverman,” Caroline said.

“That was a movie,” Milton said. “He doesn’t do weddings in real life.”

“He didn’t in the movie either. They kidnapped him,” Nick said.

Milton held his ground. “I am not kidnapping Neil Diamond.”

“You would if you loved me,” Caroline said.

“The band might drown Neil out, anyway,” Nick said.

“You’re right as always,” Caroline said. “I’ll settle for the band.”

The way she put it, it seemed like Milton was getting off easy only having to pay for a band. So everyone was happy, especially Nick. Between the fireworks and the music, nobody would hear the bang when he blew open Milton’s safe.