Top Secret Twenty-One: A Stephanie Plum Novel(59)

A big SUV rolled past me and parked in front of Lula’s house. I grabbed the cuffs from my bag, cut the engine, and got out of the car. I shoved the Glock under the waistband of my jeans at the small of my back and crouched behind the car in front of me. Stanley got out of the SUV and opened the door for Lula. Lula got out and fumbled with her purse.

“Oh my,” Lula said. “I hope I have my house keys.”

I rushed Stanley, cuffed him, and asked Lula about the movie.

“The movie was excellent,” Lula said. “RoboGod saved the world, but not before a lot of awesome shit went down.”

“This sucks,” Stanley said to Lula. “You took advantage of me. I want my money back for the movie ticket.”

“I didn’t have nothing to do with this,” Lula said. “She figured this out on her own. I swear to RoboGod. And anyways, I bought the first two buckets of popcorn, and I let you fondle my knee.”

“I’m not going to jail,” Stanley said. “They make you take your clothes off and they look up your poopoo hole.”

“Dude,” Lula said. “You were sitting naked on your garage roof. Every time you turned around or bent over, everybody looked up your poopoo hole. That ship sailed.”

“I don’t care,” Stanley said, sitting down on the sidewalk. “I’m not going.”

“We need a forklift,” Lula said.

I had something better than a forklift. I had Rangeman guys. I motioned to the SUVs that I needed help, and two big guys emerged from each shiny black Rangeman vehicle.

“I need to deliver Mr. Kulicky to the police station,” I said.

Two of the men lifted Stanley and carried him to the SUV that was parked behind my Buick. He was buckled in, doors were closed, and we were ready to roll.

Lula and I got into the Buick and led the parade.

“I wasn’t going to come with,” Lula said, “but those Rangeman guys are hot. Not as hot as Ranger, but they’re totally acceptable.”

“What about Stanley?”

“Stanley is cuddly. There’s a difference between cuddly and hot. Hot trumps cuddly.”

I wasn’t sure that hot trumped cuddly. I liked cuddly a lot. Lucky for me, Morelli was both. I didn’t know about Ranger. I hadn’t had much cuddle time with Ranger.

We handed Stanley over to the docket lieutenant, I got my body receipt, and Stanley made another movie date with Lula.

We drove back to Lula’s house, Lula got into Mr. Kulicky’s SUV, and the parade took the SUV home. It was almost eleven o’clock, but lights were still on in the Kulicky house. I rang the bell and explained to Mr. Kulicky that Stanley was okay, and we’d bond him out first thing Monday morning. I handed him the keys to his car, took Lula home, and returned to Morelli with my Rangeman escort following close behind.

“How’d it go?” Morelli asked when I flopped onto the couch beside him.

“Smooth as silk.”

“You realize you have a tail, right?”

“It’s all your fault.”

“He would have done it anyway.”

This was true.

“I hope you didn’t exhaust yourself on that capture,” Morelli said. “Because I have plans for the rest of the night and possibly tomorrow morning.”

“I hope the plans for tomorrow morning involve a trip to the bakery.”

“Kinky,” Morelli said, “but I might be able to work it in.”





TWENTY-FIVE


MORELLI, BOB, AND I sat at the little kitchen table, drinking coffee and eating donuts fresh from the bakery. The two Rangeman guys in the backyard were also drinking coffee and eating donuts. And the two Rangeman guys in the SUV in front of Morelli’s house were drinking coffee and eating donuts.

“They better hope Ranger doesn’t catch them eating donuts on the job,” I said to Morelli. “The closest you come to dessert at Rangeman is an apple.”

“At the risk of seeming unappreciative, four armed guards patrolling my property feels excessive.”

“Welcome to my world. I’ve got Rangeman tracking devices mysteriously dropped into my pockets and stuck to my cars.” I pushed back from the table, rinsed my coffee mug, and put it in the dishwasher.

“It’s my Uncle Lou’s birthday today,” Morelli said. “The whole family will be at my cousin Maddie’s house for dinner tonight. You’re invited.”

“No way. Your Grandma Bella will be there. She scares the heck out of me. And I’m sure she’s still got a vendetta against Grandma over the pie thing. She’ll secretly put the eye on me, and I’ll get my period nonstop for a month. Besides, I have my own chores. I need to do some food shopping for Briggs, and I’m going to help him walk the dogs.”

“What dogs?”

“The ten Chihuahuas that were living in a box with Forest Kottel.”

I grabbed my messenger bag, waved at the two men in the backyard, gave Morelli a fast kiss, and headed out.

I stopped at the supermarket, and two Rangeman guys watched over the Buick and two followed me around the store. I got a week’s worth of staples for Briggs plus some ice cream and chips and a paperback mystery.

One of the Rangeman guys carried my groceries to my apartment while another followed close behind, his hand on his holstered gun, ever ready.