The Wives(55)

Seth doesn’t drink—mercy sobriety. He gave up drinking when I was pregnant, too. It makes me wonder if he ever liked drinking or if he just reserved it for our time together. Sexy, dangerous Seth. He was playing a role with me, living out a fantasy.

The orange bottles that dictate my life sit next to my electric kettle in the kitchen, a line of sentries. It was Seth’s idea to place them there.

“Why not in the bathroom?” I complained when I’d first seen them.

“So you won’t forget,” he’d replied.

But really, he put them there to remind me and anyone else who comes over that I’m sick. Every time I walk into the kitchen to get water or a snack, they catch my eye, their little white labels glaring.

My mother stops by with her minestrone soup. Soup—like I have a head cold. I could laugh, but I smile and take my “sick” soup. When she catches sight of the bottles, her face visibly pales and she turns away and pretends she hasn’t seen them. People treat being sick in the body as fine, normal, empathy-worthy; they’ll bring you soup and medicine, and press the back of their hand to your forehead. But if they think you’re sick in the mind, it’s different. It’s mostly your fault—I say “mostly” because people have been told again and again that mental illness isn’t a choice—it’s chemical.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you got out of the hospital,” she says. “Did Daddy tell you that I was visiting Aunt Kel in Florida?”

“Daddy? He doesn’t talk to me. He’s ashamed.”

She stares at me oddly. “He’s trying. Honestly, Thursday, sometimes you can be so selfish.” I’m the selfish one? Where was my father? If he cared, where was he?

The medication makes me feel thick-limbed and sloppy. Seth disappears for a few days, presumably to go back to Portland to see the others. My mother stays with me, doling out pills each morning and each night. I get a sleeping pill at night—the only pill I’m grateful for. Sleep is the only time I rest from the reel of worrisome thoughts that run in a continuous stream through my mind. Planning, planning, planning...

The next time my mother comes, my father comes with her. I’m surprised to see him. In the years I’ve lived in the condo, my father has only been to visit a handful of times. He’s not the type to do the visiting, my mother once said. He’s the type to be visited. I chalked that up to my father’s sense of self-importance; a king in his own mind, his subjects came to him. I stand aside as they shuffle in, wondering if Seth orchestrated their visit. He left not ten minutes ago, saying he needed to spend a few hours in the Seattle office. I’d barely gotten dressed when the doorbell rang.

“What are you doing here?” The words are out of my mouth before I can arrange them in a nicer way. My father frowns like he’s not sure himself.

“Really, Thursday. What a way to show appreciation,” my mother says. She marches toward the living room, her purse swinging on her arm like a little designer monkey. My father and I exchange an awkward smile before picking up the pace and following her. I’m acutely aware of his presence as we move through the hallway, made uncomfortable by it. He shouldn’t be here and I shouldn’t have been in the nuthouse, we both know this about each other. I have a sour taste in my mouth as I sit in the chair opposite them. Parents are emotional prison guards, always ready with their stern looks and Tasers.

“Your father has been worried sick.”

She reaches into her purse and pulls out a tissue, which she dabs delicately to her nose while I look at my father, who is staring at me uncomfortably.

“I can see that,” I say.

I’m eager to be rid of them. I have things I need to do. I decide to get down to business.

“Did Seth ask you to come?”

My mother looks affronted. “Of course not,” she says. “Why would you think that?”

I open and close my mouth. I can’t very well accuse him of keeping me prisoner—that would make me sound crazy. I arrange some bullshit about him being worried about me on the tip of my tongue but then my father beats me to it, speaking first.

“Thursday...” The expression he’s wearing is the same one he used on my sister and me as children. I don’t know whether to buckle down for the talking-to of a lifetime or to be offended that he still thinks I’m twelve. “Enough with this Seth business.” He slices the air with his hand, palm down like he’s chopping the “Seth business” in half. “All of that needs to be put behind you. You need to move forward.”

“Definitely,” I say.

“You should join a gym,” my mother suggests.

“I will.” I nod.

“Well, then...” My father sits up. His job is done. He is free to go home and watch the news, and eat the meals my mother serves him.

“I’m really tired,” I offer.

My father looks relieved. “You go on to bed, then,” he says. “We love you.”

It’s a lie. I hate him.



I see them to the door, already formulating what I’m going to do as soon as the lock latches behind them. Call Hannah...pack a bag...leave. Call Hannah...pack a bag...leave. But I don’t even make it to the bedroom to look for my phone when Seth is walking through the door. He has that Honey, I’m home! look about him. Swooping in to rescue me from myself. I straighten up where I’m bent over the nightstand, silently cursing myself for not getting rid of my parents sooner.