The Patron Saint of Butterflies(39)

Nana Pete blinks. “I know, Mouse. And that is the hardest part of all of this.” She drags her hands slowly down the sides of her face. “But what is happening to you is called child abuse. Do you know what that is, Agnes?”

I take a step backward. “We’re not being abused! We deserve it! Emmanuel has to do it for the retraining of—”

Nana Pete grabs my hands, hard. “It’s abuse, Agnes. There’s no other way around it. And there is no such thing as retraining people, okay, darlin’? People are free to make up their own minds, not be trained to think and act like seals. If the police found out what was going on in that room, Emmanuel would be hauled off to jail so fast it would make your head spin.” I wince under her grip and try to pull away. She just holds on more tightly. “It’s not your fault, Agnes. It’s not your fault that you don’t understand this or that you think its okay. Emmanuel has you and your parents convinced that all of you deserve such … such … ” She stops, unable to go on, and then gestures toward Benny’s hand. “And now he thinks Emmanuel performed a miracle on Benny’s fingers! I mean, if we hadn’t brought him here … ”

I stifle a sob, thinking again of Dr. Pannetta’s words. No miracle. No miracle.

“Agnes,” Honey says, stepping forward. “Listen to what Nana Pete is saying. Please.”

With one final tug, I wrench free of Nana Pete’s grasp and hold on tightly to the edge of Benny’s bed. The edges of the room are beginning to swim. Could the devil, disguised as Honey and Nana Pete, be speaking? Of course he could. The devil can disguise himself any way he wants.

“Listen?” I spit out. “You think I’m going to listen to you two, who think you can decide for the rest of us what’s best? How about considering my feelings? Did it ever occur to you to ask me my opinion about all of this?”

“Of course we did,” Honey says matter-of-factly. “And we decided not to because we knew you would do exactly what you’re doing now.”

“Which is what?”

“Freak out.”

“I am not freaking out,” I say evenly. “Just because I happen to disagree with an insane idea the two of you cooked up does not mean I am losing my mind.”


“Then listen to what we’re saying!” Honey yells. “For once, Agnes! Even if you don’t understand it! Open your ears and listen! We can go with Nana Pete down to Texas and have a whole new life for ourselves. No Emmanuel, no Veronica, no Regulation Room ever again.” She pauses. “We’ll be free for the first time in our lives, Ags. Free. We can go places, do things. Watch TV. Not be afraid all the time. Be normal kids, just like everyone else, living a normal life.”

“Who wants to be normal?” I yell. “We’re Believers! We’re better than normal!”

“Better than normal is still abnormal, Agnes.” Honey’s voice is stoic. Her eyes glitter enticingly, reminding me of a story Dad told me once about Saint Thomas Aquinas. To see if they could tempt him from his chosen life of abstinence and virtue, some evil men sent a naked woman to his room. When St. Thomas opened the door and saw the woman standing there, he grabbed an iron poker out of the fireplace and chased her, screaming, down the hall.

“All men are tempted,” Dad had said after the story, “but only the saints refuse to succumb.” I glance around the room quickly. The only thing resembling an iron poker is the thin metal pole that is connected to some kind of machine next to Benny. There’s no way I can pick that up.

“I’m not listening to you,” I say through clenched teeth. “You wouldn’t understand anyway.” Honey opens her mouth, but I shake my head and point my finger at her. “Stay away from me, Honey. I mean it! I’m through with you and all your talk against Emmanuel.” I look over at Nana Pete. “And you, too, Nana Pete. You’re both heathens!”

Without warning, the nurse with the teddy bear jacket pops her head inside the door. “Everything okay in here?” A silver stethoscope is draped like a necklace along her chest. For a moment I think of screaming out that Nana Pete is trying to kidnap us. But something holds me back. For the life of me, I cannot get the words out.

Nana Pete smiles brightly. “Oh yes. Everything’s fine. Thank you.”

The nurse nods and then looks at Benny. “Careful not to wake him too soon. Rest is the best thing for him now.” I look back down at my little brother, envying his obliviousness. But I am fighting for him, too, I realize. Maybe for the first time in his life. And I won’t let him down again. The nurse shuts the door behind her and Nana Pete takes advantage of the sudden privacy to touch me on the shoulder.

I jerk away from her. “Don’t touch me!”

Nana Pete withdraws her hand but stays put. “The life you have been leading at Mount Blessing is all you know, Agnes, which is why you can’t possibly understand that what I am trying to do is for your own good.”

Blah, blah, blah, I think, shoving two of my fingers in my ears. Yammer, yammer, yammer. Nana Pete’s mouth stops moving.

I feel a surge of courage as I drop my hands from my ears. “You know what? You two can talk until you’re blue in the face. But I’m not going to Texas. And Benny’s not going to Texas, either. You can’t make us. That’s kidnapping.”