The Last Flight(64)
Eva yanked her arm away. “Please stop. You can’t fix this with a fucking pep talk about honesty and self-reflection.”
Liz recoiled, but her gaze was fiery, her voice rising to meet Eva’s. “Then tell me. Whatever it is. Just say it.”
Again, Eva fell silent, the words simply too big to speak. She looked through Liz’s window and into her living room, remembering the first time she sat there, terrified that her entire world was about to crumble because of Castro. Not understanding that Liz would be the one to pull it all apart. To dismantle Eva’s walls enough to shine light into her darkest corners. To make her yearn again for something more. To force her to want to be someone better.
When it became clear Eva wasn’t going to say more, Liz pulled away, letting Eva unlock her door and step inside. But as she closed and locked it, Liz’s voice floated in from the porch. “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.”
Eva made her way to the couch where she curled up in a ball, wishing she was already gone. That this part was already over.
Claire
Sunday, February 27
I’m frozen, waiting for the owner of that voice to find me, grab my arm, and look into my face. To call me out and snatch what little bit of freedom I have left.
From across the room, Kelly’s watching me and mouths the words Are you okay? I nod and force myself to keep moving. I slide between guests until I’m out of the center of the room, keeping my tray elevated near my chin, high enough to partially obscure my face, or to tip it forward onto someone else if I have to.
Our hostess enters, arm in arm with a woman I don’t recognize. The two of them talk, their heads bent toward one another, when someone else from across the room calls, “Claire, over here. Paula wants to tell you about our trip to Belize.”
And I realize our hostess’s name is Claire. My hands begin to tremble—shake, really—my arms and legs suddenly turned to jelly, unable to support me. I make my way over to Kelly and hand her my tray. “I need to use the restroom,” I whisper.
“You look like shit,” she says. “What happened?”
I shake my head, brushing off her concern. “I’m okay. I didn’t eat enough before work, and I’m a little woozy. I just need a minute.”
“Hurry,” she says, though I can tell she doesn’t believe me.
In a small downstairs powder room, I splash cold water on my face and stare at myself in the mirror. I can change my appearance. Use someone else’s name. Go to another city. But the truth will always follow me. No matter how careful I am, how guarded, I will always be one mistake away from discovery.
I dry my hands and slip back to the party, picking up a new tray on my way. I give Kelly a nod and plaster a smile on my face. Around me, conversation swirls, and I’m back to being invisible again. But my ears catch on the name Claire several times over the evening, and even though I know they’re not talking to me, I still flinch. By the end of the evening, I’m battered and jittery, ready to leap into Eva’s car and go.
*
On the ride back to Eva’s, I give in to the exhaustion, the flush of adrenaline still seeping out of me. The wad of bills Tom gave me pokes a sharp corner through my pocket. Two hundred dollars, which brings my savings up to nearly eight hundred dollars. With the help of Eva’s car and her debit card, that can carry me a long way from here.
“You ready to go?” Kelly says, breaking the silence. We’re only a few blocks from Eva’s, one light and a couple stop signs between now and goodbye.
“Yeah,” I say.
She passes me a scrap of paper. “My number. Call me if you need anything. If you’re comfortable doing so, let me know where you land.”
“I will,” I say as she pulls up to the house and stops.
She gives me a sad smile. “You won’t. But that’s okay.”
I hesitate before reaching across to give her a tight hug. “Thank you for being my friend. For helping me.”
She looks into my eyes and holds my gaze, her brown ones steady on mine. “You’re welcome.”
*
Inside, I go upstairs, needing a shower to wake me up for the long drive ahead. I let the steam fill me up, remembering the last time I prepared to leave a place, gearing myself up for a very different kind of departure. I emerge and dress quickly, tidying up the bedroom as best I can, making sure whatever or whoever Eva was running from won’t find a trace of me when they finally show up. I hesitate in front of Eva’s dresser, the note I’d found still tucked into the mirror. Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear. I have no way of knowing what this meant to Eva, or why she might have thrown it away. But I feel the need to take something of her with me. Not the legal paperwork that outlines the space she filled in the world, not the clothes she wore, but something from her heart. I slip it out of the mirror and tuck it into my pocket.
I enter her office, picking up the stack of papers I’d collected and sliding them into my purse. I check the Doc, the time stamp at the top showing no activity since that morning’s exchange. What a waste of time this has been, a useless distraction. Rory and Bruce are almost never apart. Anything they have to say to each other can be whispered across a quiet room. Whatever Charlie Flanagan knows about the weekend Maggie died…it doesn’t have anything to do with me.