The Kiss: An Anthology About Love and Other Close Encounters(131)
“That's the same as lying!” He rushed forward towards the bars and slammed his fists into the door, making it rattle. She shrank back against the far wall and tucked her legs underneath her. “You've done nothing but lie, since the moment you got on this ship. You either lied to me to get me to protect you or you lied in trial.”
“I couldn't let the crew think it was true.”
“Bullshit!”
“Didn't you see their reaction? Whenever I have told someone what happened to me, they've always reacted in one of two ways. Either like you, as I said in the trial, with the desire to protect me, or like the rest of the crew, with the intention of using that information to get what they wanted. If I'd let them think it was true and gone back to work, at least two men on this ship would have taken the opportunity to do exactly what my uncle did. Finding out I'd been weak once, just makes people see me as weak now, and unlike you, and maybe Dylan, they'd have taken advantage of that. I never lied!”
The Thorian growled and shook the door again, but it only made her angrier herself.
“And on top of that they knew I'd gone to the Captain's bed, like a slave does for a master. They'd have treated me like a slave and I'd have been unable to stop it.”
“This crew would never do something like that. Dylan wouldn't have allowed it.”
“They've already been doing it... I've been invited to be their slave because I must miss the warmth of a master's bed. I've been told I'd be the first to enter a combat zone because I'm an expendable slave, and many more things. I've already been leered at and touched, and propositioned by men who think I'd be willing because they think I must want to be treated that way.”
“If what you are saying is true, there's no way you'd have gone to the Captain's bed. Someone so scared of what men might do to her doesn't offer herself up like that.”
She shook her head at his anger. Explaining herself was draining and she didn't think she wanted to do it.
“And you lied to me about wanting to talk to him. You intended no such thing.”
“I thought you were encouraging me to go to him.”
“I was... to talk!” he yelled and once more the cell door rattled. It wouldn't take many more shoves from the extra strong Thorian.
“You told me to give him something he could work with. I thought you were agreeing with the idea I'd had.”
“You seriously thought it was a good idea to try and seduce the Captain?”
“Yes!” She stood up, determined to make him see why she'd acted the way she had even if nothing could be done about it now. “I had two choices. I could offer myself up to a man I respected and gain his protection as well as a safe place to sleep, or I could continue to trial, which had two possible outcomes, be pardoned and then used by the crew who found out my secret, or dismissed and abandoned on a planet with nothing, where I'm likely to have to sleep with men I don't want to just to survive. I was trying to choose the man I had to give my body to. Can you really blame me for that choice?”
The Thorian didn't say anything but backed off. For the first time she felt like she had got through to him. Rather than making her feel better and allowing her to stop spewing her thoughts out loud she found her mouth continuing, wrapped up in the outpouring of emotion.
“If I'd thought you would want me, I'd have offered myself up to you. If you'd been human not Thorian you wouldn't have your rank and your breeding to keep you from considering a relationship with me, but the Captain was the most sound risk, and I really thought you were encouraging me to try it as well. None of my risks worked out. I took a risk on this ship and space but the uniforms made me feel safe and I let my guard down with your crew. I really thought a Fleet ship would be different, but the men here are just like the men on my planet.” She stopped, feeling better for the outburst.
“Why didn't you tell Dylan what the crew were doing and saying?”
“The last time I had a problem with my fellow slaves and I told my master, he punished me and let them know what I'd said. It made it a thousand times worse. After that I learnt to sort my own mess out as best as I could. Not that it really matters anymore. The trial has happened and I'm being taken to a planet. If I'm really lucky my old master will accept me back and I'll get another few months to find someone who'll buy me for something other than my body.”
“You want to go back to being a slave?”
“No,” she said and sat back down again. Saying what was going to happen out loud made it seem more real than it had before and the full weight of her situation crashed in on her. “I am unlikely to have another choice.”
“You could get an honest job, rather than using your body to get what you want.”
“This trial is going on my record. No one will give me a job after being dismissed from the Fleet for attacking my Captain. I'll find it difficult to be a slave with any respect. A job is impossible now.” Her eyes welled up and she lowered her head, hoping he wouldn't notice.
“So that's it? You're just going to sit there and cry? You've wasted the Captain's money and put him and several others of us through days of problems to get to the bottom of this. I should come in there and...”
“There's nothing you could do that would make this any worse. If you'd feel better using me as a punching bag for a while, go ahead.” She glared at him, almost daring him to try. “Maybe you could pimp me out to the crew before you drop me off and the Captain can earn back his money that way. I can go along with that if you need me to. Might as well start the rest of my life a few days early so the Captain gets his credits back. Then maybe I wouldn't owe him anything and I could stop feeling so guilty for screwing this up.”