Still Waters (Charlie Resnick #9)(20)
Resnick was quick to assure her she didn’t need to explain.
“Tomorrow, then,” Hannah said. “How about tomorrow? We could get something to eat; a movie, maybe. If you’re feeling up to it.”
Resnick told her he had to be in London, didn’t know what time he would be back.
“Okay, no problem. And look, I’m sorry about tonight.” She made hot chocolate, whisking the milk; upstairs, Jane’s head lolled sideways in the chair and her eyes were closed. Hannah was about to turn around again and go back down when Jane stirred.
“I thought you were asleep,” Hannah said.
“Just for a minute, that’s all.”
“Here.”
Taking the thick white china mug, Jane sipped at it and laughed.
“What?”
“I haven’t had this for years.”
Hannah settled herself back down, cross-legged on the floor. One lamp was burning at the far side of the room, illuminating shelves of books, a segment of table, sanded boards, an orange arc of wall.
“Do you want to phone Alex?” Hannah said. “Tell him where you are.”
“No, I don’t think so. Thanks.”
“We had this row, earlier. Before I went out. Alex had come home and I’d not been there. I mean, he was back sooner than I’d thought, an appointment had been canceled or something, I don’t know, and I’d stopped off in town after school. Just looking round the shops, nothing …” Jane looked across at Hannah and paused. “He’d only been in twenty minutes, half an hour at most.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I wasn’t there. He got angry, upset.”
“But why? I mean, what does he expect, for heaven’s sake?”
Shrilly, Jane laughed.
“You to be there at his beck and call? Rush home after school and get his dinner ready for him, warm his slippers by the fire?”
“No. No, it’s not like that. That’s not what it’s about.”
“What then?”
Jane took her time. “It’s to do with …”
“Control, that’s what it’s to do with.”
“He wants to know exactly where I am, what I’m doing, all of the time.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Yes.”
“Unreasonable.”
“It’s the way it is.”
Hannah sighed. “He’s got to understand, surely, you’ve got a life of your own.”
“No.”
“What do you mean?”
“According to Alex, we’re married and that’s that. We don’t have lives of our own.”
“Oh, fine …”
“He says that’s the whole point.”
“It’s his point. That’s the trouble. His rules, his timetable.”
“He says it’s the same for him.”
“Except you don’t start climbing up the wall if he’s twenty minutes late getting home.”
“No.”
“So he can come and go as he pleases.”
“But he doesn’t. I always know where he is, what he’s doing, every minute of the day. If he says he’ll be in at five twenty-five, at five twenty-five there he is. So why shouldn’t it be the same with me?”
“Come on, Jane. How many answers do you want? You’re a grown woman doing a difficult job. You’ve got your own friends. Damn it, you married him; it wasn’t an operation joining you both at the hip.”
“Look, Hannah, I know it’s difficult for you to understand …”
“Because I’m not married, you mean?”
“Maybe.”
“Jane, I’m your friend. Married or not, I can see what’s happening to you, how unhappy you are. I’ve got a right to be concerned.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I am grateful. And I don’t know what I’m doing, sitting here defending him.”
“Habit? Duty?”
Jane shook her head. “I really don’t know.”
“Do you still love him?”
“I don’t know that either.”
Hannah leaned close toward her. “Have you thought about leaving him?”
Jane laughed. “Only all the time.”
“And he knows?”
“Not because of anything I’ve said.”
“But you think he does know?”
“He suspects, he must do.”
“And you think that’s why he’s behaving like this?”
Jane stepped to the window, leaned forward until her forehead was pressing against the glass. Small bats cavorted outside, splintering the space between the house and the trees. When she turned back into the room, the ghost of her mouth remained, a blur of breath upon the pane.
“It isn’t only … He’s jealous, that’s part of what this is all about. Just jealous.”
“What of?”
“Oh,” Jane gestured widely. “Anyone. Men. You. Our neighbor across the street. Anyone. It doesn’t really matter.” Slowly, she shook her head. “He thinks I must be having an affair.”
“That’s ridiculous.”