Spider Light(21)

‘I know it’s horrid, my love,’ Thomasina was saying, and the exasperation had gone from her tone now. ‘But it’ll soon be done, and then it’ll be worth it. You know that. It will be our child, really, yours and mine.’ Incredibly, her free hand came up to stroke Maud’s hair and then moved down to caress her breast.

But Maud could not spare any attention for Thomasina, her whole being was focused on Simon, on trying to get free and on fighting the pain. Whatever Simon was doing, and however he was doing it, it hurt. Something was slamming hard into her, setting up the same kind of pain she had every month–the pain you must never talk about, only to a doctor. But it had never been as severe as this.

‘Almost there,’ said Thomasina’s voice in her ear. Maud wanted to shout at Thomasina to shut up, because it was not Thomasina lying here, being crushed and with this rhythmic banging going on and on inside her, bruising and tearing…

She began to sob and hit out at Simon’s face, but Thomasina caught her hands at once and imprisoned them. ‘Little cat,’ she said lovingly. Maud heard, with a fresh wave of panic, that Thomasina’s voice had taken on a familiar thick throatiness. She’s finding this exciting, thought Maud, and this was almost the worst thing yet, because Thomasina ought not to find this brutishness exciting.

Simon’s face was only inches from Maud’s and his breathing was beginning to sound like the pumping of a rusty engine. Thomasina was telling him to go on, go on, Simon, and saying something about the bloody wine, told you not to drink so much, if you lose it now I’ll kill you…

She thought Simon gasped something about being nowhere near losing it–‘Hard as the devil’s forehead, trust me for that, you bitch.’ The pain slammed deeper, tearing her to shreds, and then the rhythmic pumping suddenly became very fast and the pain scaled impossible heights, and Maud began to sob and tried to fight him off, but he was too strong for her. She half fell into a black spinning cavern where there was only the pain and the crushing heaviness of his body.

Simon let out a groan and slumped down, his face buried in Maud’s neck so that she could feel his bristly chin. She really must be bleeding, because there was a thick wetness between her legs, and if it was blood it would be all over the sheets, and that would serve Thomasina right because she would have to explain it to the servants…She wondered if she would bleed to death. Then she wondered whether she cared, because the world had shrunk to this firelit room and the smell of sweat and stale wine, and to the cramping pain at the base of her stomach.

Simon rolled off her, still gasping hoarsely. His eyes closed and he dropped into a dreadful snoring sleep. His mouth fell open and the stale wine on his breath gusted into Maud’s face. Even so Maud drew in a shuddering breath of relief, because whatever this had been, it seemed to be over.

After a space of time that might have been two minutes or two hours, she was roused by Simon stumbling back to his own bed. He paused at the door, and smiled across at Maud: it was a fuzzy drunken smile but his eyes still had that horrid, knowing, gloating look. He said, ‘Sleep well, Maud,’ and went out. Thomasina stood at the side of the bed for a moment, looking down at Maud, smiling the same terrible smile. Then she followed Simon out of the room.





CHAPTER NINE




Maud lay absolutely still, hardly noticing the ache between her legs. There was no room in her mind for the pain of her body or the bloodied state of her nightgown; her entire being was filled with terror in case the cousins came back.

She stared into the darkness, seeing Simon’s greedy gloating smile, seeing Thomasina’s face red and ugly with excitement, and hearing her voice urging Simon to go on…

Thomasina had gone into the nearby bathroom; Maud could hear the clanking of the plumbing as Thomasina washed and brushed her teeth as she always did before going to bed. Was Thomasina going to come to bed as if this was an ordinary night? If she so much as touched Maud, Maud thought she would scream.

But when Thomasina came back she got quietly into bed and lay without speaking. Maud did not move; she was reliving the feel of Simon’s body, and the deep spiking pain. What if Thomasina and Simon intended to do this to her every night? She could not bear it. She would do anything other than endure it.

With the thought, the germ of a plan slid into her mind. At first she thought she would not dare follow it, but when she considered a bit more, she knew it was worth taking any risk if it meant she would get away.

She waited for about ten minutes and then got out of bed, not particularly troubling to be quiet, and went across to the big walkin cupboard. Almost at once there was a movement from the bed, and Thomasina’s voice, a bit blurry from all the wine she had drunk earlier, said, ‘Maud? Where are you going?’

Maud’s heart leapt up into her throat and the palms of her hands turned clammy with nervous sweat, but she said, ‘Bathroom. To wash and get a clean nightgown. I’m in a bit of a mess.’ She waited, willing Thomasina to open her eyes and see the blood.

Thomasina did open her eyes. She looked at Maud and said, ‘Oh. Oh yes, I see. It’s on the sheet as well. We’d better tell the servants that it’s your monthly bleeding, not that it’s anything to do with them. It’s stopped though, hasn’t it?’

‘I think so.’

‘Poor little virgin bird,’ said Thomasina, and closed her eyes again.