Snow Creek(73)

“Rylee!”

“Dr. Albright, I wasn’t sure you would remember me.”

It was kind of a lie.

Actually, a big lie.

I didn’t think she could ever forget me or what I had told her.

She immediately gives me a warm look and wraps her arms around my shoulders.

“You are all grown up,” she remarks. “I’m so happy to see you.”

I pull back a little and look deep into her pale blue eyes.

I don’t blink. I just hold her sympathetic gaze.

“I’ve been playing some of the tapes.”

She lets out a sigh. “I knew you would someday,” she says, leading me inside the house.

Her living room is a mix of antiques and contemporary furnishings. I recognize the large crystal vase from her office; it’s on a table next to the sofa. The room is like she was when I was her patient: comfortable, smart, and warm.

“I’ve been following you,” she says.

I must appear a little surprised as she quickly amends her statement.

“Or rather your career. The internet. I’m not a stalker. At least not a real one. I’m happy for you, Rylee. I always had such faith in you.”

She did. I didn’t doubt.

“When did you listen to them?” she calls from the kitchen.

“Like I said, I haven’t listened to all of them.”

“That will take some time. There are hours and hours to go through. It will also take the right frame of mind.”

I swallow. “That’s right.”

“Tell me how I can help you, Rylee.”

I haven’t been called that name in such a long time that it almost makes me feel as though she’s addressing someone else.

“I’m not sure. Just some perspective, I guess. You’re the only one who really knows me. What happened. Why I did what I did.”

She gets us water and sets a glass on a coaster on the coffee table. Embarrassed, I move mine to one right away. I wipe the ring from the table’s gleaming glass surface. Looking down, I see my face. I am who I am. I will never be like anyone else.

I’m no longer really listening to Dr. Albright.

“I can only reiterate what I know to be true and what I told you all those years ago during therapy. You could make a choice to live a life that would keep you safe and still allow you to be the kind of person you were meant to be.”

“Sometimes I am. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with someone, to really share myself. Be loved.”

“No one knows you? Is that it?”

“Sheriff knows. He fixed things for me so I could be in law enforcement. Nothing illegal, but certainly not completely ethical either. I owe him a lot.”

“Does he know everything?”

I shake my head. “No. No one does but you and me. Not even Hayden.”

She brightens a little at the mention of my brother.

“Are you in touch?”

I look down at my water glass, appropriately half empty.

“Hayden is in Afghanistan. We email sometimes, and I’ll see him when he returns to the states. Our relationship has always been a little strained, but we’re working on it.”

I wonder if she still can tell when I’m lying. I’m working on the relationship with my brother. However, it’s a solo effort. Hayden doesn’t want a thing to do with me.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she replies.

She can’t tell anymore. That’s good, I think.

“Are there any other tapes?” I ask.

She looks at me quizzically. “No. Just the ones I gave you. Why?”

I’m not accusing her, but I need to know.

“No copies?”

She pulls back. “Of course not. I told you when I gave them to you that they were the original recordings and that no copies or transcriptions were ever made. For obvious reasons, Rylee.”

Obvious reasons, indeed.

I let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m going to destroy them when I finish listening to them. I just needed to make sure that, you know, nothing ever got out.”

She suddenly looks defensive.

“I would never do that,” she says. “You know that. Don’t you?”

My face feels warm.

“Sometimes I don’t know anything. Sometimes I’m going along, and I feel like a regular person. And then bam, I see something that reminds me of what I did. My parents. All of that. I want to shed my past and live without it bombarding me every now and then. You know what I mean, Dr. Albright?”

“I do,” she replies, getting up and moving closer to me. Her white hair is framed like a halo in the light. Her blue eyes seem even more watery.

I hurt her.

“You need to know that even if it weren’t the law,” she adds with an air of indignation, “I would never disclose anything about you. Not to anyone. That isn’t how I operate. No good psychologist does. However, that’s almost beside the point, Rylee. I have always wanted one thing for you… to live life free from all that bullshit from the past.”

I think that’s the first time Dr. Albright ever used a swear word in front of me.

She puts her hand on my shoulder and invites me to stay for dinner.

“Nothing fancy,” she goes on. “For someone with eastern European ancestry, I make a pretty decent lasagna. It’s in the oven.”