One of Us Is Next(71)
We were over half an hour late to Callahan Park, thanks to rush hour traffic, but as soon as we pulled into a metered spot in front of the fence we spotted a lone figure sitting on the gazebo steps. It’s directly within our line of sight, but too far away to see anything clearly, even with Knox’s binoculars at full strength. Phoebe’s been fiddling with them for almost five minutes, but she still can’t make out who it is.
I turn to face her in the backseat. “Do you want to leave?”
She shakes her head vehemently. “No way. We’ve come this far, and he’s right there. I just need to get a little closer.” She peers through the window. “Hmm. Check out the climbing structure on the playground. There’s a little house on top that would be perfect. If I go in there, I could see a lot better.”
Luis frowns. “We said you’d stay in the car.”
“Look at the path to the playground, though. It has those tall bushes. He’ll never see me coming,” Phoebe insists. “Plus the play area is nice and crowded. I can get up there all stealthy-like.” She pokes Knox in the arm. “Can I have your sweatshirt?”
“Um, okay.” He removes it with a bemused expression and hands it over. Phoebe pulls the faded gray hoodie over her pink shirt and zips it up.
“This smells nice,” she says. “Did you just wash it?”
“No.” Knox looks guilty. “Not for a while, actually. Sorry.”
“Oh.” Phoebe shrugs. “Well, you smell nice, then.” She lifts the hood over her head and stuffs her bright curls beneath it. “There. Incognito. And I’m short, so I can pass for a kid.”
Luis is still frowning. “I’ll go with you,” he says, but Phoebe shakes her head.
“He’s seen you before, and you stick out too much. I’ll take Knox.”
“Sure, why not,” Knox mutters. “I am utterly unobtrusive, after all.”
I bite my lip and glance at the gazebo. The boy is pacing now, circling the small structure. “I don’t know, Phoebe. Whoever this guy is, he’s starting to freak me out. Maybe we should just leave.”
“Not without getting a look at him,” she says doggedly. “I need to know if it’s Derek.” She pops the door open and tugs at Knox’s sleeve. “Are you coming or what?”
“Obviously I am.” Knox sighs and turns to me. “Text us if he makes a move, okay?”
“He won’t. He’ll never see us coming,” Phoebe says confidently. I think she’s probably right, but my stomach still twists as she and Knox get out of the car. I lose sight of them almost immediately on the woodsy path, then catch a glimpse of them weaving through the playground.
“This is fucked up,” Luis mutters in the passenger seat beside me. “Is this what it was like last year when you and Bronwyn were following Simon’s trail?”
“Not really,” I say. “I only ever did online stuff. Bronwyn staked out a guy once, but he was harmless. He ended up helping us out, actually.” I jump at my phone vibrating with a text and look down at it. It’s from Knox. We’re here. “They made it,” I report, and text back, Is it Derek?
She hasn’t looked yet. A lens popped out of my binoculars so we’re putting it back.
“They’re having technical difficulties with the binoculars,” I tell Luis.
He flashes a smile. “Equipment failure. Always happens at the worst possible time.”
I nod and think about making a joke back, except I’m suddenly hyperaware of the fact that I’m alone with Luis for the first time since I yelled at him at Cooper’s game. We’ve texted back and forth since then, and he accepted my apology. But I haven’t said any of the things that I really want to say. Just like always.
“So,” I blurt out, right as he says, “Listen,” and then we both pause. “You first,” we say at the same time. Luis laughs a little, and I smile awkwardly. Then I gather up my courage and say, “No, you know what? Me first. If that’s okay.” Because if he says something I don’t want to hear, then I won’t tell him my thing. And even though my heart is practically pounding out of my chest at the thought of being fully honest with him, I still want him to know.
His eyes lock on mine, his expression unreadable. “Okay.”
Deep breath. “I wanted to talk about what I said at Cooper’s game…” I trail off and swallow, trying to loosen my throat so I can get the rest of the words out. But I’ve already started wrong, because Luis shakes his head.
“I told you, forget about that.” He brushes my arm with his hand, his fingers lightly tracing the edge of a fading bruise. “I get it. You were in a bad place.”
“It’s not that. I mean yes, I was, but that’s not the only reason I was rude.” His hand stills but stays where it is. The heat from his skin radiating into mine is making it hard to think, but I don’t want to pull away. I just need to get a couple more sentences out. “I was, um, jealous.” I can’t look at him right now, so I stare straight ahead at my car’s control panel. “I saw you with Monica, and I got jealous because it looked like you were on a date and I—I wanted that to be me. Because I like you, Luis. I have for a while.”
There. I said it.
I inhale quickly, still not looking at him, and add in a rush, “It’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way, because we can still be friends and I won’t be weird about it—”