His Sugar Baby(21)
He tilted his head. The overhead fluorescent light glinted off the lenses of his glasses as he looked more closely at her. Concern creased his gold-brown brows and was reflected in his sharpened voice. “Are you all right, Cathy? You seem a little unlike yourself, distracted. Is Chloe…I hope everything is all right?”
“Of course! I’m fine. Chloe is doing really well so far with the new treatment.” Cathy smiled, willing her heart rate to slow. She fidgeted with her purse strap, wanting nothing more than to slink off to her office. She hoped that nothing of her heated thoughts had been reflected in her expression when her boss had intercepted her.
“It’s just that you jumped a mile high, and I could see that you were distracted.”
“You just startled me is all. I was about to get a cup of coffee before I got to work.” Cathy gestured vaguely in the direction of the staff break room.
“If you’re sure…Cathy, I’ve told you this before, but you can take some personal time if you need it. You don’t really need to come in this early every day, either.”
“I know. I appreciate it, Paul.” Cathy nodded and smiled but felt the inevitable hitch in her breathing that the solicitous consideration always brought. She couldn’t fault Paul, though. She knew that he had her best interests at heart. He was one of very few who actually visited Chloe at the hospital. Paul Howard was a nice man, and they had dated a few times before her daughter had become ill. She was aware that he was genuinely fond of her and of Chloe. If things had been different… Cathy stopped that train of thought. It didn’t do any good to think about might-have-been. Her smile warmed for him because of feelings of regret and gratitude and respect. “I’ll let you know.”
He talked for a few minutes about some of the projects that she was working on before he let her go. Cathy almost raced to the break room to snatch her usual morning coffee and then sequestered herself in her office. She had almost a thousand things to do, and the phone started ringing soon after eight o’clock. She was glad, hoping that she could at last think about something else besides hot, hot sex.
Cathy discovered it was one thing to make a resolution. It was another thing altogether to stick to it. Despite the distraction of her work, she caught herself thinking about that outdoor encounter at odd moments all day. Each time she did so, her breath quickened and her skin warmed. She despised herself for what was, to her mind, a perverted reaction. But she could not help herself. It had been singularly erotic to have sex in the open that way. Michael had taken her by surprise. He had taken her aggressively. She had felt humiliated and wildly turned on all at the same time, in a thoroughly mixed up way that she couldn’t understand.
The uncertainty was too much. At last, she decided that it was dangerous to go any further with the arrangement with Michael. She feared that, if she did so, she would discover far more about herself than she wanted to know.
“Hey, girlfriend, where are you?”
Cathy quickly looked up from her laptop. She realized she had been staring vacantly at the screen. She hoped it hadn’t been obvious. She pulled her scattered thoughts together and grinned with affection at the petite woman standing just inside her door. “Hey, Vicky! I didn’t expect to see you this afternoon. Did you get all of the bugs out of the new integration software?”
Vicky Sotero walked into the office with her usual brisk stride. She stopped at the desk, cocking a small fist on one nicely rounded hip. “Not yet, but I will. I’m taking a break. I think you need a break, too. I called your name twice before you even heard me.”
Cathy laughed and shrugged. “Sorry. My mind has been going ninety miles a minute.” And it hasn’t been all about work. She shook free of the clinging thoughts. She waved at the laptop. “Paul caught me when I got here this morning and asked for an updated spreadsheet on the projects that I have. I think he’s afraid that I’ll just disappear one day and no one will know what is going on.”
Vicky tossed her head, the blunt ends of her thick black hair sliding across her jaw. “Paul can be an old woman.” She narrowed her eyes at Cathy, her gaze becoming assessing. “You’re getting too skinny, Cathy. Come on, the donuts are on me.”
“Just what I need, a sugar high,” Cathy grumbled, but she allowed herself to be urged out of her office. When they walked into the break room, she was dismayed to see that there were already several of her fellow employees there. She kept the smile on her face, ignoring the constriction in her chest. Everyone greeted her pleasantly, of course, but she wasn’t surprised that before very many minutes she and Vicky had the break room to themselves. “It would be great if everyone would stop treating me like a pariah,” she muttered.
“Sit.” Vicky plopped a large glazed donut on a napkin in front of Cathy. “Don’t let it bother you, girl. Just because some of them feel awkward around you doesn’t mean that—”
“Awkward! Is that what you call it?” Cathy heard the bitter edge in her laugh. “Come on, Vicky! You saw how the room just emptied. It happens every time. I’ve got a daughter with cancer. All I hear is how sorry everyone is and ‘how are you holding up, Cathy?’ No one really wants to hear the gut-wrenching truth, that I’m scared out of my mind. So I grit my teeth and smile and smile and reassure everyone that everything is fine.” Cathy tore viciously into the donut with her teeth. She glowered at her companion. “Just once, I’d like someone to ask me what I think about the ballgame or the new show on television or whether I’ve heard the latest office gossip! Is that too much to ask?”