Good Girls Lie(73)

I backtrack and head down one more flight to the basement door, which opens out on the plaza leading to the gym. I take a deep breath to clear my lungs of the rotting air of the dorm, suddenly cloying and unwelcoming, and jog off toward the arboretum. I have no idea what the rules are today, but getting some fresh air and exercise seems like the proper thing.

But even deep in the woods, halfway to town, alone except for the squirrels and birds, I feel like I’m being watched.



54

THE SCHISM

I’m in luck. Rumi is at the coffee shop.

I mean, I was hoping to run into him, but I don’t realize how much until I see him, and my heart does a quick little dance in my chest. He is wearing a Goode baseball cap, looks as tired and wrung out as the rest of us, but he gives me a weak smile when I hurry in.

“If it isn’t our little Brit. Want some tea?”

“Espresso. Or...something stronger? If you have it.”

“Not sure that’s such a great idea today, Ash. The town is crawling with sheriff’s deputies and cops. Plus, the dean’s mother is back and on the warpath.”

“Oh. Right. Then, just the espresso.”

He makes me a cup, sets it on the counter. The china clinks on contact.

“Are you okay? It was your roommate who died, yes?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m okay. She and I weren’t close. Did you know her?”

Is it my imagination, or do his eyes shutter when I ask what seems like an innocent question? Camille wouldn’t fuck a townie.

His answer comes quick and vehement. “I don’t know any of the students at Goode.”

“You know me.”

“You’re different. You’re new. An outsider.”

“An outsider. Goodness, thanks ever so much.”

“Ash, sorry. That didn’t come out right. I meant it as a compliment. You seem, I don’t know...above all of this. These girls, they’re so wrapped up in their money and their prestige, stacking the blocks of their lives against the redbrick wall so they can climb over and escape. And escape to what? More privilege? More wonderful experiences and perfect families and insane wealth? None of them are real. You aren’t like them.”

“I’m more like them than you think, Rumi. Your view of my classmates is pretty harsh.”

“Wait until they cast you out, Ash. They will.”

Again, I’m struck by the bitterness in his tone, and the strange sense there is more here than meets the eye. And recall the sinking feeling I had this morning when Becca dismissed me like I was a piece of shit from her shoe. Back home in Oxford... No, Rumi. You’re wrong. I do know what it’s like to be cast out.

The door chimes and I look over my shoulder to see Becca and the twins saunter in. My heart skips a beat, whether from fear or longing, I don’t know. I am very confused. I like Rumi, I know I do. I came here hoping to run into him, to see if we can continue where we left off.

But there is something about Becca... She is a magnet, and I feel my body turn in the chair toward her in a gravitational pull. I don’t understand my visceral reaction to Becca Curtis. Is it that I want to see myself in this gorgeous, gregarious, troubled girl, like calling to like, shadows calling to shadows? Do I want something more, a physical and emotional connection?

Or do I see a way out?

I might never know for sure. I do feel a bit like the walls are closing in, though. And I know what happens when I get claustrophobic. I don’t make the best choices.

The light dies in my mother’s eyes. Her heart thuds to a permanent stop. Is she gone?

Get out, get out, get out.

I smile hopefully, but Becca rewards me with a sneer.

“What are you doing here?”

“Having a coffee,” I reply smoothly.

“Come outside, right now.”

I cast a glance at Rumi, who is watching this little play with undisguised curiosity, then stand and step out onto the sidewalk.

Though we are the same height, it feels like Becca is looming over me. The twins join her, standing on either side, a triumvirate of young goddesses.

“Did I say you could leave campus, Swallow?” Becca hisses.

“No.”

“No, what?”

“No, Mistress.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“Having coffee.”

“Sniffing after that townie is more like it,” Twin One says. “Just like that stupid roommate of hers. I told you I saw them together the other day, Becca.”

“Well, why are you here?” I ask. I’m trying hard to be reasonable. There’s something in Becca’s eyes that is scaring me. Is she high? She doesn’t look like herself. She looks possessed.

Becca laughs, a harsh caw. “You don’t get to ask questions, Swallow. You obey orders. And I order you to go back to the dorms and wait for my summons.”

“I thought you kicked me out this morning. When you wouldn’t let me sit with you.”

“Awww. Have you been crying, little Ash? Crying on the psycho townie’s shoulder about how unfair your life is? Your woe is me act is growing thin. Not only do you have dead parents, you have a dead roommate now, too. Go home and think about why all the people around you kill themselves, Swallow.”

The hateful jab burns through me like molten glass, shimmering and shattering in turns. I actually gasp.