Gone Girl(63)
I had to write that, I had to let that out. And just seeing it, I know it sounds crazy. Neurotic and insecure and suspicious.
I will not let my worst self ruin my marriage. My husband loves me. He loves me and he has come back to me and that is why the only reason.
Just like that: Here is my life. It’s finally returned.
NICK DUNNE
FIVE DAYS GONE
I sat in the billowing heat of my car outside Desi’s house, the windows rolled down, and checked my phone. A message from Gilpin: ‘Hi, Nick. We need to touch base today, update you on a few things, go over a few questions. Meet us at four at your house, okay? Uh … thanks.’
It was the first time I’d been ordered. Not Could we, we’d love to, if you don’t mind. But We need to. Meet us …
I glanced at my watch. Three o’clock. Best not be late.
The summer air show – a parade of jets and prop planes spinning loops up and down the Mississippi, buzzing the tourist steamboats, rattling teeth – was three days off, and the practice runs were in high gear by the time Gilpin and Rhonda arrived. We were all back in my living room for the first time since The Day Of.
My home was right on a flight path; the noise was somewhere between jackhammer and avalanche. My cop buddies and I tried to jam a conversation in the spaces between the blasts. Rhonda looked more birdlike than usual – favoring one leg, then another, her head moving all around the room as her gaze alighted on different objects, angles – a magpie looking to line her nest. Gilpin hovered next to her, chewing his lip, tapping a foot. Even the room felt restive: The afternoon sun lit up an atomic flurry of dust motes. A jet shot over the house, that awful sky-rip noise.
‘Okay, couple of things here,’ Rhonda said when the silence returned. She and Gilpin sat down as if they both had suddenly decided to stay awhile. ‘Some stuff to get clear on, some stuff to tell you. All very routine. And as always, if you want a lawyer—’
But I knew from my TV shows, my movies, that only guilty guys lawyered up. Real, grieving, worried, innocent husbands did not.
‘I don’t, thanks,’ I said. ‘I actually have some information to share with you. About Amy’s former stalker, the guy she dated back in high school.’
‘Desi – uh, Collins,’ began Gilpin.
‘Collings. I know you all talked to him, I know you for some reason aren’t that interested in him, so I went to visit him myself today. To make sure he seemed … okay. And I don’t think he is okay. I think he’s someone you all should look into. Really look into. I mean, he moves to St. Louis—’
‘He was living in St. Louis three years before you all moved back,’ Gilpin said.
‘Fine, but he’s in St. Louis. Easy drive. Amy bought a gun because she was afraid—’
‘Desi’s okay, Nick. Nice guy,’ Rhonda said. ‘Don’t you think? He reminds me of you, actually. Real golden boy, baby of the family.’
‘I’m a twin. Not the baby. I’m actually three minutes older.’
Rhonda was clearly trying to nip at me, see if she could get a rise, but even knowing this didn’t prevent the angry blood flush to my stomach every time she accused me of being a baby.
‘Anyway,’ Gilpin interrupted. ‘Both he and his mother deny that he ever stalked Amy, or that he even had much contact with her these past years except the occasional note.’
‘My wife would tell you differently. He wrote Amy for years – years – and then he shows up here for the search, Rhonda. Did you know that? He was here that first day. You talked about keeping an eye out for men inserting themselves into the investigation—’
‘Desi Collings is not a suspect,’ she interrupted, one hand up.
‘But—’
‘Desi Collins is not a suspect,’ she repeated.
The news stung. I wanted to accuse her of being swayed by Ellen Abbott, but Ellen Abbott was probably best left unmentioned.
‘Okay, well what about all these, these guys who’ve clogged up our tip line?’ I walked over and grabbed the sheet of names and numbers that I’d carelessly tossed on the dining room table. I began reading names. ‘Inserting themselves into the investigation: David Samson, Murphy Clark – those are old boyfriends – Tommy O’Hara, Tommy O’Hara, Tommy O’Hara, that’s three calls, Tito Puente – that’s just a dumb joke.’
‘Have you phoned any of them back?’ Boney asked.
‘No. Isn’t that your job? I don’t know which are worthwhile and which are crazies. I don’t have time to call some jackass pretending to be Tito Puente.’
‘I wouldn’t put too much emphasis on the tip line, Nick,’ Rhonda said. ‘It’s kind of a woodwork situation. I mean, we’ve fielded a lot of phone calls from your old girlfriends. Just want to say hi. See how you are. People are strange.’
‘Maybe we should get started on our questions,’ Gilpin nudged.
‘Right. Well, I guess we should begin with where you were the morning your wife went missing,’ Boney said, suddenly apologetic, deferential. She was playing good cop, and we both knew she was playing good cop. Unless she was actually on my side. It seemed possible that sometimes a cop was just on your side. Right?
‘When I was at the beach.’