Forbidden Honor (Dragon Royals #1)(94)

The tension in his frame relaxed slightly. “It’s more than just ill-advised. I’ll get her killed.”

He frowned into the fire. “Much as I hate the thought of her finding any comfort with you… It’s better if she’s loving you and alive, rather than loving me right up until she’s dead.”

His tone came out harsh, and the word dead jolted me.

He’d rattled those words off so quickly, as if he’d been ruminating over these same thoughts. “Dead?”

“My father has no sense of humor about the possibility of a squirrel heir to the throne. He’d rather see her dead.”

“Pend Deragon does not seem like a very pleasant person.”

“No, Lucien, he isn’t, and you’d do well to remember that my father isn’t any great fan of yours, either.”

“To be fair,” I said, “No one that I have met over the past months, or years, or since I was released from the dungeon has been much of a fan of mine.”

Jaik frowned, barely registering my words, as if his thoughts were still fixed on Honor. That didn’t hurt my feelings.

“I’ve been trying to figure out a way to keep her safe,” he mused. “But still, I worry that even though I’m staying away from her, my father will decide that it’s safer to take her out of the picture entirely.”

My breath froze in my chest. He wasn’t angry at me for fracturing his friendship with Tal. He was scared. “Because it’s so hard for you to stay away from her.”

Jaik groaned and scrubbed his hand over his face, although he didn’t argue the point; he just didn’t like hearing it aloud. He still bore the marks from that terrible beating, although now the cut across his lip and the bruises on his cheekbones gave him a rakish air.

“Your father beat you to warn you to stay away,” I said, filling in the blanks. “And he promised worse to Honor, if you didn’t listen. Well. He sounds like a real swell father.”

For a few long moments, there was no sound but the crackle of the fire between us. I thought he was done speaking, then he said quietly, “I know Honor’s hurt. That’s what really bothers me. I wish I’d never even opened the door. She was just so…”

He trailed off, and I desperately wanted to prompt him to supply some adjectives.

“You don’t know that she has any regrets.”

He scoffed. “I’m sure she has regrets.”

“Maybe not,” I said.

Another of those long silences, while I squirmed with the desire to tell him everything Honor felt.

“My father’s worried I’ll get Honor pregnant and fuck up our bloodline.”

Pregnant? The thought of carrying Jaik’s baby seemed a little ridiculous. And then, the next second, I imagined him actually smiling with a baby in his arms, and I could’ve sworn my ovaries twitched. “Are you worried about that?”

He hesitated. “Everything my father taught me about relationships is starting to seem so fucked up. He taught me that dragons don’t have equals.”

I stared at him without understanding. I’d heard the royals refer to undragons enough that this bit of arrogance wasn’t exactly surprising.

Jaik looked at me as if I were thick before he reminded me, “A wife can’t be a dragon. So, a wife can never be our equal. But when I look at Honor…it doesn’t matter that she’s not a dragon. I could never see her as lesser.”

My heart hurt worse when he was kind than when he was a dick.

“That’s not the life I want for her. Even if my father hadn’t threatened to hurt her. It’s better if she’s free of my family.” He raked his hand through his dark hair. His handsome features were cast in shadow as he stared mournfully into the flames. “It’s better if she’s free of me.”

I stared at him, so deeply struck with emotion that I didn’t know what to say. I had to stay in character as Lucien. But all I wanted to do to him was tell him that I’d risk anything for him. I wanted to go to him and kiss him. I’d never seen Jaik smile, and I wanted so badly for him to have a moment of deep, pure happiness, to see it light his face.

“I know, I know,” he muttered, glancing around at the snoring sleeping bags scattered around the firelight, as if he were afraid he’d be caught in sentimentality. “It sounds ridiculous.”

“No, I think it’s brave you’re trying to be a better man than your father. And I think it’s amazing that you’ve been told you’re the best of beings, superior to every other shifter, and you actually question that supremacy.” My affection for him leaked into my tone, and I tried to swallow it, too late.

He looked at me skeptically, obviously thinking I was messing with him. Then he scoffed and got up. “I don’t need your approval, Lucien. If anything, it should just worry me. You don’t exactly have a record of making the best life choices.”

He was right, but maybe not for the reasons that he expected. I shrugged and lay down in my sleeping bag. Time to let the conversation die along with the fire.

Jaik’s father, Pend Deragon, already knew what I was. He knew I was a dragon. So, his reasons for wanting Jaik to stay away from me were very different than the ones he’d given Jaik.

I had to find a way to get closer to the Dragon King, to get to know them, because I had a feeling my life depended on it—just as much as on that damn prophecy.