Devolution: A Firsthand Account of the Rainier Sasquatch Massacre(83)

Spearheads. Well, to be specific, javelin points. I’m surprised she didn’t think of it herself. That first weapon she threw at the mountain lion, how she lamented not being able to barb the blade. Well, these have barbs, these new, six-inch-long, half-inch wide, razor-sharp glass blades. And they’re beautiful, if I do say so myself, and so easy to attach. Gift-wrapping ribbon through the pre-printed holes. I’ve got a whole spool of it from Effie. Pink and shiny, it’s just the right width to fit through the ports. I’ve tested the strength, trying to pull it apart. It’ll work once, and that’s fine for disposable weapons.

Not like the real spears. They’re taking a lot of time. In between each javelin, when there’s nothing to do but wait for the printer to finish, I’ve been making spears for each member of the tribe.

Did I just write “tribe”?

Punchy.

There are a lot of personal spears to be made. And while we’re mainly following Mostar’s design, I’ve made one slight modification. A crossbar, or guard, or whatever you want to call it. Five inches long, slightly thinner than a dime. I’ve inserted one horizontally through bored holes just above the second to last connector. A little glue seems to hold them in place, enough, hopefully, to stop the spear from going too deep. I don’t want any of us to risk what happened to Mostar. Who knows if it’ll work. At least the spears themselves have been proven, and fortunately we’ve got enough raw materials. The bamboo and electrical wire were easy but scrounging for high quality, compatibly constructed chef knives took some effort. Dan and I had one, Mostar had two.

The Durants’ knives were great. A couple of solid, eight-inch blades that I’ve crafted into formidable killers. The Boothes, ironically, have the most useless knife set. Maybe it’s not ironic, the whole foodie thing. From a culinary point of view, their high-end Japanese cutters are magnificent. But for our needs: no pins, no holes, just thin, steel cores that look like they’re glued.

“I’m sorry,” that was Bobbi, frowning as I lifted the first naked blade from its smashed wooden grip. “Maybe these will help.” I saw that she’d brought two more items with her. The first was kind of a U-shaped cleaver; the blade extended down and parallel to the handle. A riveted handle!

“Soba kiri.” That’s the official term. Bobbi reminded me of the soba soup she served us that night in another lifetime. This was the tool she’d used to make homemade noodles.

My first thought was “hatchet,” and what an amazing bamboo-chopping, time-saving implement this could have been if I’d only known about it sooner. But I hadn’t, and if it could chop through plants, it could sure chop through meat. It wasn’t hard to picture how I could turn this hatchet into a full-blown axe. I could already see it fixed to a short, sturdy bamboo shaft.

And if that project got my creative juices flowing, Bobbi’s next gift practically took my breath away. Not only was the blade thicker and at least two inches longer than any other knife we had, but the finish! I didn’t know steel could be a work of art. Bobbi calls it a “Damascus blade” after the medieval Arab swordsmiths who invented it. The metal looked like water, and I’m not being lyrical. The wavy lines across the surface looked exactly like moonlight shimmering on the ocean.

Holding it to the light, I said dramatically, “I have never seen its equal.”

“The Princess Bride.” Bobbi smiled at the reference and said, “You’re actually pretty close to the truth. It’s not a Zwilling clone. Bob Kramer custom made it for Vincent. They knew each other for ages, and when Bob found out that Vincent had cancer, and we were trying a vegan diet…” She paused, sniffed slightly, and ran her fingertip over the handle. “It worked, you know. Veganism, or at least, it didn’t hurt. Vincent used to love a good porterhouse, but with the full remission…”

Her eyes suddenly glazed. Her cheeks flushed. I was going to give her a hug when she turned and said, “I’m sorry. I’ve got to get back to work,” and trotted outside to help Carmen.

I tried to push her feelings, and mine, away and focus on what I was doing. I was about to begin measuring the blade for a standard spear shaft when my mind came back to the soba kiri. I’d initially envisioned a three-, maybe four-foot shaft for the new axe, and that image made me realize I hadn’t constructed any indoor weapons! Spears were too long. Javelins too weak. Yes, we could use regular paring knives, and Dan had his coveted coconut killer, but they were so small and you had to get so close.

We needed something in between. Not the axe (although I’d still make it) because the swinging motion needs a lot of room. The idea of a cut-down mini-spear sent me jogging over to Reinhardt’s house, to the book that was still lying right where it had fallen.

Vanishing Cultures of Southern Africa.

And there was the picture, the short Zulu Iklwa.

It didn’t go quietly. The grip, I mean. Like a lot of the high-quality knives, the grips couldn’t just be smashed away with rocks. I had to chip, chisel, and whittle a lot of material away with paring knives. I even ruined a perfectly good six-inch blade, literally broke pieces of steel off trying to chop through the aluminum pins. I feel bad about destroying that cook’s knife, but it was worth it for a new axe, and a really lethal-looking Iklwa.

I wonder if Shaka would accept it? I know Dan will. I’m going to give it to him tomorrow. Along with the new shield. It’s a nutty idea, I admit, but after seeing the pictures in the book, and mulling over how these creatures fight, I wondered if it might not be worth the time to make one. And it really didn’t take that much time. Half an hour to lift one of the steel mesh shelves off its support poles, tie up a handle of electrical wire, and wrap the front in aluminum foil. That last part is the whole reason I made the shield. I don’t expect it to stop one of their punches. The impact would probably break my arm, but if Dan has to get close with the Iklwa, maybe the reflected light could distract them long enough to get a shot in. I’ve been going over Dan’s iPad footage, how their eyes locked on each new source of light, and how most of their attacks were overhead blows. It might work.