Darling Rose Gold(67)

Dad watched the other families pack their trunks, climb into their cars, and drive away. A few stragglers were stalling, trying to watch our little drama reach its conclusion.

“You’re just like your mother,” he jeered.

I wished he’d shut the fuck up and leave already. I imagined putting hexes on the four oldest Gillespies, wrapping them in tumors and stab wounds until they were mummies bound by their own blood.

But he couldn’t know that. He needed to think I was anything but a threat, that I was contrite even. Sugar and spice and everything nice, that was what he expected.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, wincing at the pathetic desperation in my voice, though I knew it was necessary. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Dad put the clipboard in his backpack. Before stomping off, he shook his head. “I’m sorry I ever went searching for you.”

I stood very still, squinting. He shouldn’t get off that easy. I swallowed my rage.

“Dad, I’m sorry,” I called after him, channeling the old Rose Gold, the meek girl, all shoulders and no spine. She was a lifetime ago. She was dead. I danced on her grave. “I said I’m sorry.”

Dad spun around, glowering at me. “I know one thing for sure,” he said.

We had the same small noses and hazel eyes. He clenched his hands.

“You deserve every rotten thing you got.”





19





Patty


I stare at the watery blue eyes on my bedroom ceiling, too exhausted to be scared of them. After my four-hour embrace with the porcelain throne last night, I have nothing left to give. I swing my legs over the side of the bed; I have to drive Rose Gold to work. First, I want to confront her about last night.

I shuffle to the living room just in time to hear the front door close. Rose Gold walks by the window in running clothes: a tank top, mesh shorts, and gym shoes. She looks ridiculous in that getup in the middle of December. I watch her for a minute. She sets off at a plodding pace down Apple Street, all elbows, shoulder blades, and knees. I shake off the urge to run after her with a scarf and mittens. She takes a right on Evergreen and disappears from sight.

Fine, the conversation can wait until I have her cornered in the van.

Forty minutes later, we leave the house together, at our usual time. While I lock up the house, she buckles Adam into his car seat, then climbs in beside me. I take the wheel, start the engine, and head for the highway.

“Are you feeling any better?” Rose Gold asks.

I say yes, though my stomach is still a bit wobbly. I don’t want to betray any signs of weakness.

Rose Gold plays peekaboo with Adam while I debate the best way to confront her. Perhaps she had nothing to do with the treadmill or the yard fire, but I know she’s been making herself out as a victim to Arnie, Mary, and Lord knows who else. And now she’s poisoned my food. This has gone too far.

“I can’t believe you didn’t get sick at all,” I say.

Rose Gold shrugs. “I’m sure the prison food did a number on your digestive system. You must still be adjusting.”

“I got out a month and a half ago. I’ve never gotten sick before.” Composure, Patty, keep your cool.

“That’s true. . . .” Rose Gold trails off, content to leave my sickness a mystery. But I’m determined to pin her down today. I will not let her slippery excuses and noncommittal shrugs slide.

I stare straight ahead. We’re going fifty in a forty-five-mile-per-hour zone. Just right, Patty. Keep it above the legal limits but not fast enough to get caught.

“Did you put something in my food?” I ask, keeping my voice flat.

Rose Gold turns to me, eyes bulging. “What?”

“We ate the same meal. How could you be fine while I was a wreck?”

The look of shock, the feigned innocence—I want to slap it right off her face.

“Are you suggesting I poisoned you?”

She is outraged. The speedometer climbs to sixty. Adam babbles in the backseat.

“How else can you explain it?” Stay quiet, Patty. Deadly calm.

“I don’t know, Mom.” There it is again, that sarcastic emphasis on my name. “Do you know how fucked up it is that that is the first place your mind goes? After everything I’ve done for you?”

My teeth clench so hard, my jaw starts to shake. After everything she’s done for me? She’s taken me in for all of six weeks. I gave her every single piece of me for eighteen years. Right up until she thanked me for my sacrifice by sending me to prison.

And she knows she’s forbidden from using curse words.

The speedometer hits seventy.

Rose Gold raises her voice. “Why on earth would I want to poison you?”

I am the surface of an undisturbed pond, a cactus in the still heat. The rational mind always wins. “Maybe to get revenge.”

Rose Gold narrows her eyes, her tone mocking. “Why would I need revenge if you’re innocent?”

Her smirk fills the air between us, taunting me, daring to suggest she knows more than I do, that she has outsmarted me in some way. The insolence.

“Maybe the media got in your head the way it brainwashed everyone else.”

I pull off the highway and am forced to slow down. I can see the Gadget World parking lot around the bend.