Boring Girls(29)

Shortly after, there was a knock on my door. I didn’t want anyone to see me crying, so I didn’t respond, but my mother let herself in anyway. I sniffled and glared at her, but she came and sat down beside me.

“I didn’t say you could come in.”

She ignored me. “Rachel, we have to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I have nothing to say,” I said, muffled through the pillow.

“Well then, just listen to me. You have to be able to understand that your dad and I are very confused when you come home with your hair dyed black and when you listen to that music.”

“Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“You’re right. And I realize that you are trying to express yourself, and you’re growing up. You have to be able to make some of your own decisions. Your father and I have to trust in you to do that.” She paused, reached out, and stroked my leg. “We have to try to understand where you’re coming from, and you have to try to understand where we’re coming from. You were right the other night. Your father and I raised you with good values. You’re fifteen, and you’re going to start making your own decisions.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“The last thing I want to do here is make you feel as though you can’t come to us, because you’re afraid we’re going to judge you.”

“It’s just some stupid hair dye.”

Mom was quiet for a minute. “It just seems to us like things are happening very quickly. You’re going to parties, making new friends, going to a concert, and now dying your hair. Can you see that these things are going to take some getting used to for your father and me?”

“I guess.”

“And can you also understand that you’re a part of this family, and that you have to communicate with us? Be home when you say you’re going to, play by the rules?”

“Yeah.”

“We just want you to be careful, Rachel. That’s all. And as long as you’re doing that, and keeping up your end of the bargain and not getting into any trouble or slipping at school, we’re going to try to understand where you’re coming from when you dye your hair and make new friends and get involved with things that we don’t necessarily understand.”

“Do you think maybe I could paint my bedroom a different colour?”

“Paint? I don’t know about that. Do you want to change your room?”

“Yeah, kinda.” I gestured to the duck lamp. “It feels babyish in here.”

My mom frowned. “But you’ve always loved that lamp! Your grandma gave that to you when you were one.”

“Exactly.”

Mom thought for a second. “Let’s talk about it with your dad. Maybe we can give you some extra chores around here and come up with a compromise about getting you some new things. A trade.”

“That’d be great,” I said, brightening up. “I’d do whatever.”

“We’ll see.” Mom smiled and patted my leg. “Just remember, Rachel, we love you. We aren’t monsters. We just have to work together, all of us, and communicate.”

“I understand,” I said, nodding.

She gazed at me fondly. “I never thought my little Rachel would dye her hair black,” she said, smiling sadly. “You’re growing up.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

xXx

Josephine asked me if I wanted to go shopping on Saturday. Saturday was the concert. Fern had said that she and her friend Craig would be by to pick me up in the late afternoon, and I was looking forward to taking my time getting ready, so I didn’t see how I’d be able to go with Josephine and make it back in time.

Besides, I didn’t really want to go shopping with her. I much preferred going with Fern. And I also couldn’t tell Josephine about the concert, because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings at not being invited.

“I have plans with my parents that day,” I lied.

“What plans?”

“We’re going out for dinner and stuff,” I said. I wasn’t even fooling myself.

Josephine studied me for a few moments. “Is everything okay?”

Angry at myself, both for lying and for not being able to do it convincingly, I snapped, “Everything’s fine!”

She shrugged and didn’t speak to me for the rest of the class. I was so pissed. If only Josephine fit in better with Fern, if only she liked something, anything, cool. I didn’t like lying, but at the same time Josephine did suck in a lot of ways. I mean, perpetuating those rumours about Fern and the devil worshipping? About having sex with her brother? Josephine had alienated herself by buying into that stuff and trying to make me dislike Fern. It was shitty of her to have done that, and all because she was jealous!