Boring Girls(21)

And so we began to talk very animatedly. I was so f*cking excited. I’m sure by this point the beer I had been gagging down was doing something to me, but I can’t use that as an excuse for my giddiness.

“I don’t know anyone else who likes metal,” I said. “I guess I don’t really have many friends.” Ugh. Yes, the beer was getting to me. No reason to let this girl know how much of a loser I was.

“That’s because you’re smart,” Fern replied. “Most people aren’t worth knowing.”

“That’s what I think too,” I said.

“I know a few cool people but, yeah, nobody in this city is into anything good. If you want to meet other people in the scene, you have to go to one of the bigger cities. You know, Surgical Carnage is doing a show in St. Charles next weekend. It’s all ages. You want to go?”

St. Charles was about two hours away. My mind spun as I tried to work it out. Would my parents let me go? I had enough allowance money if the tickets weren’t too expensive.

“How would we get there?”

“My buddy Craig can drive. There’ll be room in the car. And we’d come back the same night. Pretty late, though.”

“How much are the tickets?”

“Fifteen bucks. Surgical Carnage isn’t that big. When I saw DED last summer, the tickets were forty.” Fern lit another cigarette. “I can get you a ticket. You wanna come?”

“Yeah, sure.” I’d deal with Mom and Dad later. Part of me was pretty sure they’d be okay with it. They always encouraged me to hang out with Josephine and go shopping and make friends and all that crap. Of course, driving two hours to a concert and coming home late was a different story than Saturday shopping downtown, but I was fifteen. Definitely old enough to start doing some cool stuff.

“Let me grab your phone number,” Fern said, reaching into her bag for a pen.

While she was writing it down, Josephine came into the backyard. As she walked towards the picnic table, I felt a pang of embarrassment at her long green hippie skirt and brown sweater.

“What’s up, guys?” she said, sitting down across from us. “How are you doing, Fern?”

“Fine,” Fern said. “How are things? You miss Our Lady?”

“Yeah, Glen Park sucks. But I don’t miss Mass.”

I hoped that Fern didn’t mention the concert to Josephine. I didn’t want Josephine tagging along. It made me feel sort of bad; Josephine had never been anything but a good friend to me, but I felt panicked at the thought of her hanging out with us. I knew she just wouldn’t fit in, and maybe this was going to be my chance to meet some more of my own kind of people. How was I supposed to make new friends if Josephine was there?

“Are you having an okay time, Rachel?” Josephine said.

“Yeah, for sure,” I said. “I’m fine.”

She sat there for another minute, and I realized I was waiting for her to leave so that Fern and I could talk some more. No one said anything, and Josephine stood up just as it began to get awkward. “Okay, great,” she said. “I’m just going to be inside. Let me know if you want to get going.”

“I will,” I said.

“Okay, see you guys in a bit.” Josephine glanced at Fern and then back at me and smiled, and made her way back across the yard.

“Josephine’s really nice,” I said to Fern. I didn’t like how I felt. Like I had snubbed Josephine, who truly was my only friend. I mean, as cool as Fern was, I didn’t know her. I knew Josephine, and I had been a shitty friend just now. At the same time, I could have gone inside with her, and I didn’t.

“Did you want me to invite her to the concert?” Fern said, glancing at me sideways.

“No,” I said. “It’s not really her thing.”

“I didn’t think she’d want to go anyway. I know she isn’t into the same things we are.”

We smiled at each other.

xXx

A while later, Fern and I decided to leave the party. She said her goodbyes to Edgar and Yvonne, and I went to seek out Josephine. The party inside was truly in full swing: everybody was drunk and noisy, and the cigarette smoke was thick and stifling. It seemed like the shitty music had gotten even louder, and everyone was yelling and howling with laughter. I slipped unnoticed through the people, looking for Josephine. I found her, sitting on the couch in between Heather and Erica from earlier.