Betrayed (Rosato & DiNunzio, #2)(76)

“Yes.” Her mother nodded, sniffling.

“Wait.” Judy put her hand in her blazer pocket and withdrew the palm-size canister of Mace, which happened to be hot pink. “Do you recognize this? This looks like something Barbie would have, but this is the Mace you gave me last Christmas, which replaced the Mace that you gave me the year before that, in case it expired. I carry it with me in my purse, all the time, because you have drilled that propaganda into my head. Every time I see it in my purse, I think to myself, my mother loves me. This is Exhibit A.” Judy felt her own chest tighten, but didn’t want to cry now, because she needed her mother to hear her. “And the same thing happens every time I see that dopey red fire extinguisher that you bought me for the kitchen, in case there’s a grease fire. I think to myself, my mother loves me. My mother cares about me. My mother is always there for me, no matter what, in any emergency.”

“Really?” Her mother half-smiled, though her lips trembled.

“Really.” Judy sniffled, feeling her heart ache, which she hadn’t even known was possible. “And I’m not going to get into it, because I don’t want to upset you more than I already have, but tonight, this Mace saved my ass. Even though you weren’t there and you’re never going to find out what happened, you saved me. You saved me from harm. You might have even saved my life. That’s how there for me you are. It doesn’t get better than that, Mom. It just doesn’t.” Judy felt her mouth twist with sobs she was holding back, perhaps a lifetime’s worth of them. “I love you, Mom. I really do.”

“I love you, too, sweetie.” Her mother seemed to collapse into her arms, and Judy held her tight.

“And we’ll make things better, starting now. I’ll be a better daughter, I promise. I’ll call you more, I will.”

“It’s not you, it was me. I held back, I guess. I see that now. But now it’s too late.” Her mother burst into tears in her embrace. “It’s too … late.”

“No, it isn’t,” Judy said, meaning it. “You’ll see, you won’t even be able to get me off the phone. As long as we’re both alive, it’s not too late. It’s never too late.”

“Yes … it is.” Her mother began to cry in earnest, hiccupping sobs racking her frame. “You’re all … grown-up. I’m … out of … time.”

“No, you’re not.” Judy felt so much love for her then, though she couldn’t understand why her mother wasn’t coming around, but seemed to be hurting even more. “Mom, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be all right. I’m not grown-up yet, God knows. As long as we’re mother and daughter, we’re all right.”

“No, no … no. That’s … the … problem.”

“What is?”

Her mother looked up from her arms, her bloodshot eyes agonized and her expression stricken. “Honey, I’m … not your … mother.”





Chapter Thirty-three

“What did you say?” Judy asked, thinking she must’ve heard wrong.

“I’m not … your mother.” Her mother looked at her directly, focusing on Judy through pooling tears.

“Is this a joke?”

“No, it’s the truth, the absolute truth.” Her mother wiped her eyes, leaving a pinkish streak, then heaved a final sob, trying to stop crying. “I’m not your mother. I’m not your real mother.”

Judy recoiled, not understanding. “What are you talking about? Are you saying I’m adopted?”

“In a way, yes.” Her mother nodded, wiping her runny nose on her sleeve.

“What the hell?” Judy’s mouth went dry. “What’s going on? Is this for real?”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’m adopted?”

“Not exactly. Your mother is Aunt Barb.”

“What?” Judy felt thunderstruck. “What are you talking about?”

“I can explain—”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, we were going to tell you later in the week, when she came home from the hospital and felt better—”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Judy jumped to her feet without knowing why. “What are you talking about, you were going to tell me?”

“Please, sit down, honey.” Her mother gestured her back, but Judy wasn’t having any.

“I don’t want to sit down. Tell me what’s going on. What are you talking about?”

“Please don’t be angry. I can explain—”

“I’m not angry,” Judy said, though she had no idea what emotion she was feeling, because she was feeling so many at once. Disbelief, shock, complete and utter bewilderment. “I don’t understand. I’m just trying to understand. If this is real, then explain it to me.”

“Okay, well, Aunt Barb had you, she’s the one who gave birth to you, when she was sixteen—”

“Are you kidding me?” Judy interrupted, knowing she was repeating herself but not being able to help it.

“This is the truth. The way it happened was that she was in high school and she fell in love, puppy love, and got pregnant by one of the enlisted men on the base. In Pensacola.”