All the Dark Places(53)
“It’s not your fault. How could you have possibly known that missing woman would be found on your property?”
I shake my head. “It’s all been a nightmare, Kim. I just want it to stop.” I try to smile at her. “Josh told me you’re pregnant.”
Her face flushes. “He did?” She lets go an irritated breath. “I wanted to tell you, eventually.”
“I’m happy for you, really.”
“Well, nothing other than the baby has turned out right lately.”
“That’s not your fault. Have you told Willow?”
“Not yet. We wanted to wait until I’m further along after what happened last time.”
I think back to Willow’s birth, seeing her through the glass in the NICU. She was in an incubator, covered in tubes, her eyes shielded with a cloth mask. It was painful to see her so little, fighting for her life. “Is everything all right so far?” I ask.
Kim nods. “My doctor says all is well, so hopefully I’ll carry to term this time.”
Anger starts to bubble up in my chest when I think about Josh and Laken. I push it down as best I can. Not the time and not for me to tell. But I have no compunction about putting pressure on Josh, just as Jay was doing before he died.
“When are you due?”
“The end of June.”
“Well, that’s something good to look forward to,” I say, and squeeze her hand. “We need something good to happen.”
“Thanks, Molly. I’m just sorry for the timing.”
I shrug. “Life happens. I’ll be okay.”
We talk about mindless things, school, the bookstore. Things that seemed so important a few weeks ago. It’s nice to talk to my friend and pretend for a little while that everything is normal.
Kim checks her phone. It’s getting toward dinnertime. I stand on the porch and wave as she starts her car. Just after she pulls away from the curb, a dark sedan slides to a stop in front of the house. A man with a backpack gets out. Is it the same guy from the bookstore? I head inside, slam the door quickly, and shoot the dead bolt.
Sadie and I hide in the laundry room, computer on my lap. I watch the man stride up the walkway. I peer closely at the black-and-white screen. I can’t tell if it’s the same man. Don’t know if he’s a reporter. But now that a body has been found on our property, they will come. People seeking me out by any means necessary. The coverage will escalate. There’s a sensational story here. Murdered psychologist. A missing woman found dead and some connection between them.
I hold my breath as I watch him lean on the doorbell. My phone rings, and I pick it up without taking my eyes off my laptop.
“Molly?”
“Mom, hi.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yes. Fine.” The man looks like he’s giving up. I watch him turn and head down the porch steps. I strain to see if he has a phone in his hand. Will he try to call me? Is he the one who’s harassing me, or is he just a reporter looking for a story?
“Molly?”
“What?”
“Do you want Dad and me to come over?” I hear please say no in her voice.
“I’m okay, really.” I can just see the man’s car at the curb. He’s pulling away. I draw a deep breath. “I’m keeping busy around the house today. Maybe tomorrow would be better.”
We say our goodbyes, and I heave a sigh of relief.
My parents have been their usual perplexed selves. Mom calls daily to “check on me,” but they rely on Corrine to do the heavy lifting. That’s been their way from the start. Why not leverage that much older sibling, especially when the youngest wasn’t planned? When I was little, not long after we’d moved to Graybridge, my mother’s aunts came for a visit, and I heard my Aunt Ellen tell our neighbor that I’d been an oops baby. I thought that meant I was clumsy, which my mother was always saying was the case. But then I asked Corrine, and she told me I hadn’t been expected, whatever that meant. It was only years later that I realized why there was such a gap between me and Corrine and what the expression really meant.
My dad is an accountant and mom a math professor. Their lives were planned and ordered, and having me had been an aberration. Something they never quite figured out. Mom was working on her doctorate that fateful summer. She was up at the college when she entrusted me to our neighbor, Mrs. Arndt, on the day that would change all our lives. I’d been missing for hours before she got home and found out. I’ve never been able to quite rid myself of the feeling that I’d let them all down, ruined their lives. No one ever said that, of course, but people don’t have to say everything for you to feel it.
And now, just when they were comfortable that I’d married a man who would keep me from sinking back into the abyss, everything has gone to hell again, and I’m right in the center of it, dragging them down with me.
*
I need to take Sadie for her evening walk, so I check my camera feeds, look out the windows to make sure there’s no one around. The coast looks clear, and since it’s almost dark, I need to get going.
Sadie walks obediently at my side as we head down the sidewalk. I fidget with my phone, nestled in my coat pocket, fearful the man will call again. My gaze lands on every shrub, every tree, every place someone could possibly hide. I glance over my shoulder periodically. I’ve got to stay vigilant. I wonder why he’s bothering me. What could he possibly want?