All the Dark Places(34)

“I can handle it,” Scott replies. “But either way.”

Hayes gives me a look. “Don’t take on too much right away, Molly. Jay said he boarded up that window.” Hayes’s gaze falls to the table. “He told me about it when we had lunch.”

Josh, who’s sitting next to Kim, his arm draped around her shoulders, says, “That road gets slick in the winter. And with the snowfall yesterday, you might want to wait.”

I shrug. “I guess there’s no rush.” And I’d just as soon not deal with the mountain house at all.

I fill my wineglass from the bottle sitting on the counter. Alice walks into the room carrying a tray of cookies. She’s wearing a lacy black dress and matching gloves that look like something out of early last century. She probably bought them at the vintage clothing store she likes so much.

“Are you going up to the mountain house, Molly?” she asks.

“At some point. I might have to.”

Alice sighs. She and Hayes were there last summer as well, and she spent her time sketching on the deck and collecting wildflowers by the river. “I could go with you if you want company.”

“That would be nice. I’ll let you know.”

She sets the platter on the counter. “Sadie’s at the back door. You want me to take her out?”

“Yes. Please.”

“Molly!” My mother calls from the living room. Alice grimaces, and we exchange a smile.

I’m pulled into the group from back home. My aunts, uncles, and a cousin who drove in from Albany. It’s not a group I’m close to or am comfortable around. My mom, who’s sitting on the sofa, reaches up a hand and squeezes mine. “Are you all right?” she whispers. “I haven’t seen you since we got back from church.”

“I’m fine. Just busy in the kitchen.”

My dad gets up and grabs Uncle Jim’s glass. He pats my shoulder as he passes behind me. I sit next to my mother, feeling obligated to make conversation, which I do, but I steer the conversation to the bookstore and the weather and how much I like Graybridge. Sadie. Anything to keep talking while I know what’s running through their minds. How is she coping? Is she going to be able to hold it together after what she’s been through? How could anybody?

After catching up with everyone, I feel safe to retreat to the kitchen. It’s like my friends and my Graybridge family are in one place, separate from the people from my past, and it needs to stay that way. But as I walk down the hall, I change direction and head toward the side porch. I need a minute, so I unlock the door, and cold air rushes to greet me, but I don’t care. I just need a break. I sit on the glider, an old piece of furniture left by the woman from whom we bought the house. It’s a relic from the past. Plastic upholstery covered with faded yellow flowers. It crackles beneath me as I sit and look out on the gray afternoon. Fat snowflakes float lazily past the windows, and I let my gaze follow one, then another on its trip to the ground.

“Molly?” Corrine stands in the doorway. “You okay?”

I swipe a tear from my cheek. “Yeah.”

She moves into the room and shuts the door, takes a seat in a rattan chair across from me. “It’s really cold out here.”

“I’ll come in in a minute.”

She clears her throat, pulls on the hem of her Vera Wang dress. “I know this is hard, especially with everyone from back home here.”

“They won’t say anything, will they?” My heart is in my throat.

“No, Molly. You know that. They know better.” Dad has made it clear for years that when they’re here in Graybridge, the past is totally off-limits, but I still worry.

I take a deep breath and watch the snowflakes.

“Don’t you think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone?” Corrine says.

I know what she means by this euphemism. I’ve spent half my life in therapy. “Probably.”

“Does Elise know?”

I shake my head. “No one here knows, Corrine. No one except Jay, and that’s the way I want it. That was the reason we moved to Graybridge, wasn’t it? So that we could live a normal life. So that no one knew who I was.” I can’t bring myself to say it, the moniker given to me by the media. The girl in the cellar.

“Yes, of course. But now that Jay . . .”

“I’ll ask Elise for a referral. I’ll tell her that I need help with Jay’s death.” Which I do, but I’m not convinced that therapy is going to help anymore. Like I’ve run out of sessions. Like I’ve had my share. Time to accept my life as it is. For the past five years I’ve had Jay to talk to, to hold me in the night when I had a bad dream, to dry my tears when something triggered a memory. But now that he’s gone, I’m alone and will have to carry on by myself if I’m to survive.

Corrine takes my hands in hers. “You’re freezing, Molly. Let’s go inside.”

I rise with her, and she puts her arm around my shoulders. She’s a good big sister, really. Her past is twined with mine, and it hasn’t been easy for her either.





CHAPTER 23


Rita


I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE SWINGING BACK BY MY APARTMENT TO CHANGE MY clothes, so I show up at the station in my funeral attire. As I wend my way back to my office, I nearly bump into Doug Schmitt, the other lead detective in our department.