Wonder Woman: Warbringer (DC Icons #1)(90)

He’d been fifteen and string-bean skinny and perfect, and she’d been completely mad for him in a way that had seemed totally inevitable at the time. He would mutter to himself in Portuguese while he was scribbling away at his homework, and Alia thought it was the most adorable thing she’d ever seen.

The night Alia had signed the note with a flourish and placed it between the pages of Theo’s math book, her sense of elation had lasted all the way to her bedroom. Then she’d panicked. She’d raced back to the living room, but Theo had already returned to the table, and there was no way to retrieve it. Eventually, he’d picked up his books, tucked them into his bag, and headed out, all while Alia sat there, pretending to conjugate French verbs, certain she was going to be sick. She’d tried to retrieve it after school the next day, but when she’d opened the math book, the letter was gone.

Alia would never forget the horrible, sickening cringe she’d felt in that moment—especially now that she was feeling it all over again.

Theo had never said anything, but she’d noticed he made sure never to be in a room alone with her again. Or maybe he hadn’t and she’d imagined it. Alia could never be sure. But the sheer strain of trying to act casual over the next few months had been completely exhausting. Then Theo had gone away for the summer, back to S?o Paulo with his dad, while Alia and Jason had stayed in Martha’s Vineyard, and Alia had been almost relieved. Except when Theo came back, he was nearly half a foot taller, that smattering of acne gone. He didn’t even seem human anymore. And she looked exactly the same.

Now Alia smoothed down her damp T-shirt. “Well,” she said. “That was the worst thing ever.”

“Alia,” said Theo, on his feet now. “It’s no big deal. Honestly, it’s awesome.”

Theo had ignored her, he’d teased her…but Theo pitying her?

“Good night, everyone!” she chirped with forced cheer, and stumbled toward the path, ignoring Diana’s call of “Alia!”

She marched up the hill, tears choking her throat. It wasn’t the embarrassment. It wasn’t the memory. It was everything that had come with it, every hateful thought she’d ever had about herself like a chorus in her head. The lasso was like looking into a mirror that stripped away each illusion you used to get yourself through the day, every bit of scaffolding you’d built to prop yourself up. And then there was just you. Boobs too small. Butt too big. Skin too ashy. She was too nerdy, too weird, too quiet around people. In the grips of the lasso, she’d known that she was glad that Theo and Nim didn’t get along because Nim was funnier and braver and more interesting than Alia would ever be. She was like a gorgeous little fireball, while Alia was an ember, banked fire, easily overlooked in the face of all those flames. The idea that Theo might look at Nim one day and want her, choose her, had made Alia hate them both a little, and made her hate herself even more.

Alia crawled into the backseat of the Fiat and curled up against the car door. She could still see the stars through the window, but now all she felt was small.

A while later, she heard Nim open the door and climb into the driver’s seat. “You awake?” she whispered.

“Yeah,” Alia replied. She didn’t feel like pretending.

“What did it show you?”

Alia glanced briefly at Nim. She sat face forward, gaze focused on the windshield. Maybe it was easier to talk this way, in the dark, without having to look each other in the eye.

Alia leaned her head back against the glass. “Basically that I’m a petty, jealous jerk. You?”

“That I’m a coward.”

“That’s ridiculous. You’re the bravest person I know. You wore shorts with suspenders to a dance.”

“That look worked.”

“Like I said.”

Alia heard Nim shift in her seat. “For all my big talk, I’ve never brought a girl home. I’ve never even hinted at that stuff to my parents. I’m afraid if I do, it will all fall apart.”

Alia blinked, surprised. She’d figured Nim would come out to her parents when she was ready. They were one of the most loving families she knew. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s true. It feels true.”

Alia hesitated. She dug her fingernails into her palm. “Don’t give up on me, okay?”

Nim twisted around in her seat and shoved her sheaf of hair back from her face. “What?”

Alia made herself meet Nim’s eyes. “Once I go to the spring, it’ll change. I won’t have to be as scared to go out. I’ll do better. Go to more parties. Whatever you want.”

“Alia, it doesn’t matter if you start hanging out at warehouse parties till dawn or if you stay in your room looking at balls of cells the way I know you want to. It’s always going to be you and me against the world.”

“Why?”

“Because everyone else sucks, and you don’t need a magic lasso to know that’s the truth.”

Alia grinned, some of the shame and hurt sliding away. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling like she might actually be able to sleep.

“Alia,” she heard Nim murmur.

“Hmm?”

“No offense, but this is the worst vacation ever.”

“I told you we should go to the Grand Canyon,” Alia managed before fatigue overcame her, and she let herself drift into a deep sea of sleep.