Where the Staircase Ends(35)

“Ugh, I’m so sorry!” I said, staring uselessly at his dripping shirt front. I thought about offering him some toilet paper to wipe up the mess, but that would have only made it worse, so instead I stood there staring at him with my arms dangling pointlessly at my sides. He looked at me with the same flat-line frown he had earlier. I couldn’t tell if he was mad at me for running into him or thinking about the Logan thing. Either way, seeing him so serious made me uncomfortable.

“Jeez, Taylor, are you trying to drown the poor guy?” said Sunny, giving Justin one of her winning ear-to-ear grins. “Where’d you run off to, Justin? I’ve been looking all over for you.”

She pouted her bottom lip and batted her lashes as she took several steps toward him, shrinking the space between them from a few feet to a few inches. I watched numbly as she hooked her fingers through one of the belt loops on his jeans and pulled him the remaining few inches toward her so they were pressed together like two pieces of bread. It all happened in slow motion, her fingers separating and linking through the denim, each one a pointed claw as she sank her hands into him. She might as well have peed on him to mark her territory, the intention was that clear. It was a move that said, “He’s mine. Game over, bitch.”

The conversation I’d overheard in the garage suddenly became crystal clear. It was so obvious I was ashamed at how easily I’d dismissed the idea. Of course they were talking about me. Sunny told Amber and Jenny she’d hooked up with Justin and asked them not to tell me until she could find a way to break the news. A perfect end to a perfectly crappy night.

I turned away so they wouldn’t see my eyes welling up with frustrated tears. Not only because I’d obviously lost Justin to Sunny, but because I was dumb enough to think I stood a chance. Because Logan was probably the best I could do. Because Sunny would never see Justin for what he really was. Because I wanted to go home and crawl under my bed and die. Because, because, because.

I must have looked like a crazy person barreling toward the keg, but I didn’t care. I needed to get as far away from Sunny and Justin as possible. I marched up to the front of the line and used the sharp end of my elbow to shove a girl I didn’t recognize away from the tap. She started to yell something at me, but the look on my face must have been terrifying. She backed away, both hands raised defensively like she thought I might attack her. And she wasn’t far off base. It would have felt good to hit something, even better to hit someone, and her head was kind of shaped like Sunny’s and that was appealing.

Instead I pumped the tap like I was drilling for oil, taking breaks to wipe away the tears that managed to leak from my eyes despite my best efforts to hold them in.

“What are you doing?”

I didn’t have to look up to know it was Justin who asked the question. For a moment I was embarrassed that he might have followed me to the keg, watching me steamroll my way through the crowd of people. But why should I care anymore? I didn’t have anything else to lose.

The sound of his voice said he wasn’t asking me what was I literally doing, but I answered that way anyway.

“I’m getting a beer.” I wiped away another tear with the back of my arm and hoped he couldn’t see me crying through the darkness.

“I can see that. Here, let me.” He took the cup and filled it, tipping the glass so it wouldn’t foam. Then he handed it back and motioned for me to follow him away from the keg. I did, only because I didn’t know where else to go or what else to do.

We stood silently for a few minutes, or maybe it was only a few seconds. It felt like an eternity, because he still wore a drawn expression. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“You’re so much better than all of this, Taylor,” he finally said.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant, but then I closed it. I didn’t really care. Obviously I wasn’t good enough for him. Obviously I’d overanalyzed the whole staring thing, thinking there was something more between us than there really was. I bet he only asked me to The Fields because he knew I’d bring Sunny. I should have been used to playing second fiddle to Sunny by that point, but it still stung.

Sunny bounded up then, wedging herself between me and Justin so we were both forced to look at her and not each other. Her timing was annoyingly impeccable as always.

“Where’s mine?” she asked, eyeing my beer. I handed it to her. She might as well take my beer too.

She took a long sip before giving us one of her wicked grins. “This place blows. It’s like freshman city and I’m over it. Why don’t we go back to my house for a late-night dip? What do you guys say?”

“Sounds peachy,” I answered, my voice thick with bitterness. I didn’t even bother trying to hide my anger anymore. “Let’s go.” I led the charge across The Fields toward Sunny’s car. Anything was better than the horrible fields, the pulsing music, and all of the people I wanted to get away from.

She gave me a funny look when she caught up to me and linked her arm through mine. “Jenny and Amber are already rounding everyone up. Do you mind driving?” She aimed the last question at Justin before tossing him the keys to The Bee.

When we got to the car, I was relegated to the back seat and realized too late I’d chosen the same side Jenny had to squeeze into earlier. I fought back the urge to hit something again as I squished myself behind the front passenger seat, watching as Sunny stretched her legs out across the front dash.