Where the Staircase Ends(16)

She blew another bubble as she watched me curiously, and I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from plucking the gum from her mouth and throwing it in her hair. If I were a cartoon character the speech bubble above my head would’ve read, “!!!” Because I couldn’t seem to form the words to tell her what a terrible, horrible idea it was.

Sunny answered my silence with a wide-eyed and innocent nonverbal plea. Then she sighed and held up her hands as if she was about to catch me in a trust fall rather than steal my man. “Look, I knew you weren’t going to be happy about it, and I debated whether or not I should tell you, but I just didn’t feel right keeping it from you. And I know this is going to make me sound like a bitch, but it’s not fair for you to call dibs on all the cute guys in the school. You can’t date Logan and claim Justin. You have to pick—do you want to keep the cake or do you want to eat it?”

I hated that saying. Why wouldn’t I eat cake if someone gave it to me? It was stupid. Almost as stupid as Sunny’s interloping crush announcement. I narrowed my eyes at her, irritation bubbling underneath my skin as she popped her gum at me again. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she popped it to piss me off.

“I never said Logan was my boyfriend,” I whispered, glaring at her so she would know she was getting on my last nerve. “And it shouldn’t matter anyway. You know how I feel about Justin. How could you even want to date him knowing how much I like him? And when do you even see him enough to have a crush on him? He’s not in any of your classes. I mean, you barely know the guy.”

She looked back at me thoughtfully, her green eyes flashing in the sun. “I see him enough. Plus you point him out, like, every single time you see him and give me a play-by-play of every single one of your conversations. How could I not have a crush on him when you’re constantly selling me on how great he is? You can’t be mad at me for agreeing with you.”

I made a humph noise so I wouldn’t have to agree with her. Maybe it wasn’t fair for me to contemplate dating one guy while clinging to the idea of another, but I couldn’t help it. It was the way I felt, and I couldn’t snap my fingers and wish away my feelings.

“Look,” she said, placing her hand on top of mine. “I would never do anything to hurt you. How about this—if I get the smallest inkling that he likes me back or whatever, I promise I’ll tell you. And if you’re still not over him and it really bothers you that much, I’ll back off, okay? Besides, don’t you think it’s only fair to Logan that you give him a shot? Maybe he’s exactly what you need to finally get over Justin. Maybe in a few weeks you won’t even care whether or not Justin likes me.”


I found it hard to believe that I wouldn’t care, but she had a small point. Since I’d started talking to Logan, my Justin obsession had waned ever so slightly. I didn’t think I’d ever get over him completely, but the daily “does he or doesn’t he like me” drama had become an ulcer-inducing suck-fest, and Logan was a welcome distraction. And what if I was wrong about the intentions behind Justin’s studious glances? I could end up a high-school old maid who never did anything with a boy because she was too busy waiting on The One.

I picked at my nail polish, weighing my options.

Option 1: Full blown tantrum, complete with crying and threat of friendship revocation if Sunny so much as looked in Justin’s direction.

Option 2: Dump Logan so Sunny couldn’t use the stupid cake analogy anymore.

Option 3: Let it ride and assume she really would call things off if by some miserable chance Justin liked her back and I still had feelings for him.

Option 3.5: Bring Sunny gifts in the form of fattening, pimple-causing foods to reduce the chances of attraction and eliminate the need to call her bluff via option three.

Option 4: Forget about Justin and focus on Logan. Logan, Logan, Logan.

She smiled one of her radiant smiles and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. The afternoon light turned her glossy hair into a coppery shawl spilling down the length of her back, and I couldn’t help thinking how pretty she looked. Somehow the color of her hair made her perfect peaches-and-cream complexion look warm and flushed, and the green of her eyes reminded me of springtime.

That’s when I realized what was really bothering me. Knowing Sunny had a crush on Justin made me nervous. What if I misread the way he watched me? What if he stared at everyone that way, or I had a perpetual booger hanging out of my nose and that’s why he kept looking at me? Added to the uncertainty of his feelings for me was the fact that I couldn’t deny that Sunny was pretty. And even though I knew Justin was smart and special and different from all the other guys, he was still a guy, and guys liked pretty girls.

My heart said to tell her no, to tell her that I liked Justin first and I didn’t want her laying a single one of her perfectly manicured claws on him. But my head reminded me that she was my best friend, and no matter what happened that was more important than anything else.

“Okay,” I said, turning my face toward the soccer fields. “But you promise you’ll back off if I’m still not over him?”

“I promise,” she said, slinging her arm around my shoulders and giving me a light squeeze. I swallowed thickly and kept my eyes on the soccer field.

There was a loud buzz as a dragonfly darted out from behind the stands, zipping out in front of us and then circling back in the direction it came. Sunny lurched to her feet, a shriek ripping from her throat as she jumped down and ran in the opposite direction. Her arms helicoptered around her head as she hopped from foot to foot, screaming like the thing had launched a personal attack.