Where It Began(41)
gabs123: lawyer might be able to keep my blood alcohol level out of it. how would u know my blood alcohol lvl anyway?
pologuy: agnes knows all sees all screws up all
gabs123: consider the possibility that i’m the one who screwed up.
This was so not what I meant to say to him. And I go, Gabriella, if you don’t want him to think you suck, maybe it would be better if you didn’t freaking tell him that you suck.
pologuy: don’t say that. hey. miss u gabs
gabs123: me too. castle?
pologuy: can’t. agnes is doing her prison warden thing.
gabs123: xx anyway. i just don’t know how i’m going to pull this off. how do i even do this so that people buy it?
Which turns out to be so the completely right thing to say.
pologuy: i’m going to walk u through it. u can do this. u have to stay strong
gabs123: as in don’t cry and b girlie?
pologuy: as in don’t start feeling like u deserve to have something bad happen to u. or something bad will happen to u
gabs123: that is so not what i’m doing. couldn’t this just b like the take responsibility thing everyone is so hot and bothered about?
pologuy: no. taking responsibility is like ok i’m sorry and i’ll never do it again. but u can’t let yourself get into that what if i killed a baby i deserve to b locked up frame of mind
gabs123: what if i did WHAT?
pologuy: point is, u didn’t. stay with that. u have to go hey, i’m the luckiest guy on planet earth. i’m a lucky duck in a magic pond. don’t go spitting in the magic pond ok?
gabs123: ur scaring me.
pologuy: listen to me g. the universe is tossing u a free pass. don’t u want a free pass? take it. it’s not like someone died
At which point, I completely lose it.
gabs123: shit, i could have crashed into a freaking baby and i don’t even remember it!!!
pologuy: but u didn’t. u need to stop thinking about it. jackman has this technique where u put a rubber band on ur wrist and every time you think bad thoughts, u snap it
gabs123: u wore a rubber band on ur wrist? this is hard to picture.
pologuy: didn’t need to—i don’t have bad thoughts. i take what the universe gives me. like i said i’m lucky and things work out
gabs123: what if i’m not lucky?
pologuy: it’s just killer bad thoughts g. u have to stop it. predators smell fear. they get one whiff of what a big bad baby-killing girl u think u r, ur screwed
Raising the fascinating question of what I was supposed to do with what a big bad baby-killing girl it felt like I was. How the fact I was a lucky duck in a magic pond with no smashed baby and the universe raining down Get Out of Jail Free cards on my head didn’t feel as good as it was supposed to. How I had to go convince the police and the probation office and a platoon of therapists that, even though I didn’t remember a single minute of what happened, I was pretty damned sure it was never going to happen again because I was a model girl.
pologuy: wish i could break out of my house and come get u, do a bonnie and clyde thing, drive down to rooster shack for deep fry in the hood. get me a gf fix
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, GF. GF GF GF GF GF!!!!!!!!!!!!
gabs123: the crips down at rooster shack would no doubt rush right up to mulholland and break u out if they just knew how bad u need a chicken and gf fix.
pologuy: that would be bloods. did u miss the red bandanas?
gabs123: whatever.
pologuy: just don’t mix them up when ur down at the courthouse
gabs123: don’t even remind me. i have no idea what to even say at the courthouse. i just have a list of honchos to make appointments with. no idea what to SAY to them.
pologuy: nobody told u what to say?
gabs123: i think i’m just supposed to tell the truth and look sorry.
pologuy: no!!!! ur lawyer was supposed to tell u what to say. what an elephant turd
gabs123: I just have to convince a bunch of people that i’m perfect.
pologuy: that should go well
gabs123: u don’t think i’m perfect?
pologuy: ok this is not good. shit. r u home alone?
gabs123: yes. no. i mean, john’s here, but he NEVER comes out of the den so it’s the same thing. and the door to the laundry room would really work. think about it. you’d come in through the canyon and no one could see.
pologuy: shit, i shouldn’t do this. ok. i’ll call when i get there and you’ll pick up the phone on the first ring but it won’t be me ok? i’ll be picking up a book from kaplan
gabs123: what do u mean?
pologuy: IT WON’T BE ME. the phone will ring, but it won’t be me out there ok?