What If It's Us(76)

I send the text.

And I wait. I wait to see if he’ll respond. I wait for the train to move.

Maybe I should walk it. Just go outside and take my chances on the tracks. I can use my phone light to scare away rats and guide the way.

My phone buzzes.

Arthur.

Oh shit! OK. Who’s there with him? He’s not alone, right?

That’s the scariest thought, Dylan being alone with all this going on. No one at his side who isn’t a doctor or nurse. Thankfully someone important is with him.

Samantha is there. His parents are on the way, they’re like a quick taxi from Presbyterian Hospital.

Anything I can do? Arthur asks.

Stay with me?

I’m not going anywhere, he says.

And a couple minutes go by without either of us saying anything. But I trust that wherever Arthur is, he’s on his phone, keeping me company. He’s sticking around.

What happened with Dylan? The argument, I mean.

I told him that relationships never last.

Do you actually believe that?

Of course not. That was the heartbreak talking. Relationships just don’t last when there’s an idiot in the mix. I really messed up, Arthur. I just wish I could’ve done everything differently. Told you at the very beginning that I was in summer school with Hudson. But I promise you that everything I said on Monday was true. We were just going to talk.

Arthur isn’t typing anything back. I know he’s still there, but I want to know what he’s thinking.

I have to be honest. I’ve been hanging with Hudson and Harriett. They used to be my friends and they were the only people I could turn to after ruining things with you and Dylan and Samantha. And I talked about you all the time. And then today it was just me and Hudson and I was beating myself up some more and Hudson tried to kiss me and I pulled away because I’m only into you.

The train starts moving and I send another text.

I’m not sorry for having an ex-boyfriend. But I’m sorry for letting him get in the way of you trusting me. I hope you believe me.

The train stops at the station, and right before the doors open, my phone buzzes again. I have this dread—Arthur telling me to fuck off, Samantha telling me the worst news.

But it’s something good in all this chaos.

I believe you, Ben.

I run into the waiting room and Samantha is leaning back in a chair with her head on the wall.

“Samantha!”

“Ben.” She hops up, and even though I don’t deserve it, she hugs me.

I look around. “How’s it going? Where are his parents?”

“Grabbing coffee.”

“The fuck? Dylan is dy—”

“He’s okay! He’s okay. It was a false alarm. Panic attack. Really bad panic attack. We just found out like five minutes ago. I was going to text you but . . .” Samantha takes a deep breath. “I needed a moment. I will never forget the way he panicked when his heart rate started speeding up . . .”

I hug her when she’s tearing up. I know the face she’s talking about. When Dylan was admitted overnight three years ago for a heart scare, I was really bummed I couldn’t stay there with him, so I skipped school the next day to hang out.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, but I’m happy you were there.” I take a step back. “Thanks for telling me.”

“I didn’t think twice. I know Dylan has a reputation, and I know you were looking out for me.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” I say with a smile.

“Of course not, but he’s stuck with me. At least for another couple weeks,” she jokes.

“I’m sorry I said that. I’m really rooting for you both. I just feel threatened.”

We take a seat and she shakes her head. “No way. He’s obsessed with you. He talks about you as much as I go home and talk about him to my parents. Which he doesn’t know I do, by the way. I’m being careful even though it’s hard to keep my chill sometimes.”

When you spend time with Arthur, you’re pretty familiar with no chill. But Arthur and I didn’t have the time Dylan and Samantha do to take it slow. I wonder what our relationship could’ve looked like if Arthur lived here.

“I’m sure-sure it’s going somewhere,” I say. “If that counts for anything.”

“It does. Big-time.”

Dylan’s parents come through with coffee, and we catch up for a bit before they go in and see Dylan first. Samantha and I hang out, and I tell her all about the almost kiss with Hudson. It feels odd telling her before Dylan, but I snap out of it. No reason my best friend’s girlfriend shouldn’t be my best friend too. We’re all going to be rotating around each other anyway.

When his parents come back to the waiting room to do some paperwork, Samantha and I get up to see him at the same time.

“You go first,” I say.

“Let’s go together.”

So we do. We enter the emergency room, passing a patient’s curtained-off cubicle before reaching Dylan, and wow, what a sight.

“My loves!” Dylan’s voice is raspy, and kind of hot. He looks pale and just overall pleased with himself. “Death tried to have its way with me and I flipped the sumbitch off. I have afterlife spoilers.”

Samantha shakes her head as she approaches his bedside and hugs him. “You had a panic attack.”