We Told Six Lies(66)

She motioned toward the boarded window.

“One day,” she said simply, “I’ll escape. And I’ll never know who you are. Not for sure. I’ll tell the police what I know. They’ll find you. And neither of us will be better for the experience. I’ll live every day afraid that it’ll happen again. That someone will rob me of my independence. And you’ll live every day behind bars, wondering why you did all this.”

Molly stepped toward him. “But this could go differently. You could be honest with me for once. I could show you who I really am. And you could show me, too.”

Blue’s hands shook, and the silver utensils on the tray rattled ever so slightly against the dishes.

“I’ll remove my mask,” she said softly. “If you’ll remove yours.”

Blue studied her for a long moment. Then he crossed the room, slowly, and set the tray down on her bed. He looked down at her bed, seemed to think about her lying beneath those blankets. With one uncertain hand, he leaned down to smooth out the wrinkles.

Then he looked at her, removed the voice changing device from his pocket, and brought it to his mouth.

And he said—

“Molly.”

She squeezed her eyes shut against the emotion that rolled inside of her.

He’d never said her name, and she’d never said it, either. He knew her. This person who violated her basic human rights knew her. But of course he did. There was a difference, however, between suspecting something and having it confirmed.

Was this boy who spoke her name the same boy she’d touched in the school hallway? The same one who held her hand at the fair? The same one who held her body in that old, decaying house?

She thought she knew the answer.

“All this time,” she said to him. She fought back the tears and tried again. “All this time I’ve been talking you into leaping over the ledge, but it’s me who’s been waiting for someone to come along and push me.”

He reached for her, but she backed away.

“I don’t want to be comforted,” she said as tears rolled over her cheeks and fell to her chest. “I want you to finish this. I want you to take away my pain.”

Blue’s hand dropped to his side.

“I haven’t been happy in a long time,” she said. “And I’m tired of trying. So just do it.”

Blue sat down on her bed and put his head between his hands. And as Molly fought back tears and tidal waves of emotion nearly knocked her off her feet, she wondered if she was still pretending.





THEN


As we lay in that abandoned house, as my world rocked from what you’d just said, you got up and put on your bra.

Then you grabbed your shirt and skirt and jacket and boots. I lay on the ground, exposed, confused.

Angry.

“What are you talking about?” I demanded because I couldn’t repeat it. Repeating it would make it real.

You shook your head and looked at me directly. Any emotion you might have had on your face while I laid on top of you, pushing myself inside of you, had vanished. You looked like a machine in the moonlight that cut through the window.

“We just can’t do this anymore,” you said.

“Do what?” I asked. “Be happy?”

“I’ve got to go.” You grabbed something from the floor. Your purse? Had you brought a purse in with you?

You turned your back on me and started toward a door that led to the back of the house, then turned toward the place we’d come in through. I guess you figured you could appear through the front entrance with your head held high. Even after you’d screwed the school weirdo and left him nude on the dirty floor. Especially because you’d left him nude on the floor.

“Don’t walk out on me,” I said, and I heard the warning in my voice. But what would I really do if you did? I wasn’t sure.

You stopped in the doorway long enough for me to pull on my jeans.

Something inaudible escaped your mouth.

“What?” I asked, afraid to come near you. Afraid you’d run.

Afraid I’d chase you to the ends of the earth and set the path on fire to ensure you couldn’t double back.

“Then don’t let me,” you said, louder this time.

“Don’t let you what?” I ask, stupidly. So fucking stupidly.

You sighed and made to leave.

I took your arm and turned you around. “Is that what you want?” I asked. “You want me to force you to stay with me? Are you that fucked up?”

Tears filled your eyes, and I felt myself drowning. Felt like I couldn’t fill my damn lungs.

You shook your head. “Never mind. Never mind.”

I shook mine, too. “‘Never mind, never mind. Don’t let me leave, Cobain. Never mind. Take me away from here. Never mind. Come over to my house and fuck me, but only if you can do it without giving a shit.’”

I grasped your face, and you cried harder. “I love you, Molly. I fucking love you, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

“But I don’t love you,” you whispered.

But the opposite screamed in your eyes.

You reached up to grab my hands. Pulled them away from your face.

Then you shoved me, hard. I stumbled back a few steps, startled by your strength.