Two Can Keep a Secret(22)
“Oh. Well. That’s because I didn’t.”
“You’ll need to take them this fall, then. Have you prepped?”
“No. I didn’t think … I mean …” I trail off. Sadie doesn’t have a college degree. She’s gotten by on a small inheritance from our grandfather, plus temp work and the occasional acting job. While she’s never discouraged Ezra and me from applying to college, she’s always made it clear that we’d be on our own if we did. Last year I took one look at tuition for the school closest to home, and immediately bounced off their website. I might as well plan a trip to Mars. “I’m not sure I’m going to college.”
Nana brakes well in advance of a stop sign, then inches toward the white line. “No? And here I thought you were a future lawyer.”
Her eyes are fixed firmly on the road, so she doesn’t catch my startled look. Somehow, she managed to land on my one and only career interest—the one I stopped mentioning at home because Sadie would groan ugh, lawyers every time I did. “Why would you think that?”
“Well, you’re interested in criminal justice, aren’t you? You’re analytical and well spoken. Seems like a good fit.” Something light and warm starts spreading through my chest, then stops when I glance down at the wallet sticking out of my messenger bag. Empty, just like my bank account. When I don’t answer right away, Nana adds, “I’ll help you and your brother out, of course. With tuition. As long as you keep your grades up.”
“You will?” I turn and stare at her, the spark of warmth returning and zipping through my veins.
“Yes. I mentioned it to your mother a few months ago, but—well, she wasn’t in the best frame of mind at the time.”
“No. She wasn’t.” My mood deflates, but only for a second. “You’d really do that? You can, um, afford it?” Nana’s house is nice and all, but it’s not exactly a mansion. And she clips coupons, although I have the feeling it’s more of a game with her than a necessity. She was really pleased with herself over the weekend when she scored six free rolls of paper towels.
“State school,” she says crisply. “But you have to take the SATs first. And you need time to prepare, so you should probably sign up for the December session.”
“All right.” My head’s in a whirl, and it takes a minute for me to finish the sentence properly. “Thank you, Nana. That’s seriously awesome of you.”
“Well. It would be nice to have another college graduate in the family.”
I tug at the silver dagger around my neck. I feel … not close to my grandmother, exactly, but like maybe she won’t shoot me down if I ask the question I’ve been holding in since I arrived in Echo Ridge. “Nana,” I say abruptly, before I lose my nerve. “What was Sarah like?”
I can feel my aunt’s absence in this town, even more than my mother’s. When Ezra and I are out running errands with Nana, people have no problem talking to us as though they’ve known us their entire lives. Everyone skirts around Sadie’s rehab, but they have plenty of other things to say; they’ll quote her Defender line, joke about how Sadie must not miss Vermont winters, or marvel at how similar my hair is to hers. But they never mention Sarah—not a memory, an anecdote, or even an acknowledgment. Every once in a while I think I see the flicker of an impulse, but they always pause or look away before changing the subject.
Nana is silent for so long that I wish I’d kept my mouth shut. Maybe we can both spend the next four months pretending I did. But when she finally speaks, her tone is calm and even. “Why do you ask?”
“Sa—my mom doesn’t talk about her.” Nana’s never said anything when we call our mother by her first name, but I can tell she doesn’t like it. Now isn’t the time to annoy her. “I’ve always wondered.”
A light rain starts to fall, and Nana switches on windshield wipers that squeak with every pass. “Sarah was my thinker,” she says finally. “She read constantly, and questioned everything. People thought she was quiet, but she had the sort of dry humor that snuck up on you. She loved Rob Reiner movies—you know, Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride?” I nod, even though I’ve never seen the first one. I make a mental note to look it up on Netflix when we get home. “Sarah could quote them all by heart. Very smart girl, especially in math and science. She liked astronomy and used to talk about working for NASA when she grew up.”
I absorb the words like a thirsty sponge, amazed that Nana told me so much in one fell swoop. And all I had to do was ask. What a concept. “Did she and my mom get along?” I ask. They sound so different, even more so than I’d imagined.
“Oh yes. Thick as thieves. Finished each other’s sentences, like you and your brother do. They were very distinct personalities, but could mimic one another like you wouldn’t believe. Used to fool people all the time.”
“Airport Andy would be jealous,” I say, before forgetting that I never told Nana the absorbed-twin story.
Nana frowns. “What?”
“Nothing. Just a joke.” I swallow the small lump that’s formed in my throat. “Sarah sounds great.”
“She was marvelous.” There’s a warmth to Nana’s voice I’ve never heard before, not even when she talks about her former students. Definitely not when she talks about my mother. Maybe that was another thing about Echo Ridge that Sadie couldn’t stand.