Twelve Steps to Normal(16)



Whitney gives him a look like, duh.

Colton elbows Jay. “Yeah, man, be nice.”

“I can’t fall behind.” She taps her pen on the empty page. “We’re starting to plan the homecoming dance.”

I find myself repeating Jay’s question. “Already?”

Raegan gives me an exasperated look. “It’s so much planning! I didn’t even realize how much.” She scribbles something in her notebook. “You’ll be on decoration committee, right? Whitney and Lin already told me they would.”

“It’s a lot more fun than it sounds,” Lin promises, swatting Colton’s hand away as he unsuccessfully attempts another pepperoni. “Last year we brought our dresses with us and got ready in the girls’ locker room when we were done setting up.”

“I almost forgot about that!” Whitney’s eyes go wide with amusement. She leans over and grabs Lin’s arm, her cluster of thin silver bracelets tinkling into each other. “Oh my god! Remember how Bethany Weaver forgot her bra? And we had to cut her sports bra into a bandeau so she could wear it with her strapless dress?”

Lin laughs, adjusting her glasses. “Because she refused to NOT wear one!”

Raegan looks up from her notebook. “And remember we made Vanessa run to Walgreens because we all needed extra bobby pins? But she also came back with that giant bag of gummy bears—”

As I listen to the three of them reminisce over last year’s memories, I can’t help feeling like a sock left behind in the dryer. But I fake a smile and pretend I’m interested even though it pains me to hear about all the fun I missed.

I’m so deeply involved in my self-induced pity party that I don’t register what Raegan asked me and she has to repeat it.

“I asked if you wanted to come over this weekend and help make posters for Spirit Week.” I know this isn’t for another month, but Raegan likes to be ahead of the game. She starts studying for exams at the end of October even though they aren’t until mid-December. “Then you guys can sleep over after.”

Colton pumps his fist in the air. “All riiiiight!”

Raegan rolls her eyes. “Not you.”

He shrugs like he gave it his best shot.

It’s been so long since we’ve all had a sleepover. We would spend most of the time scrolling through Netflix looking for a show to binge on but we’d end up not watching anything, choosing to gossip and lurk on classmates’ Twitter accounts instead. That sounds like exactly what I need right now.

“I’m in,” I say.

“Ugh, I have pre-calc next,” Whitney moans, staring at her schedule. “Do you think it’s too late to switch into Algebra II?”

“The office is a nightmare,” Jay says with a mouthful of baked potato. “Kira and I were stuck there for thirty minutes this morning.”

Whitney’s eyes slowly travel to mine, then back to Jay. This is the first time he’s acknowledged me. Well, indirectly acknowledged me. I wonder if lunch is as weird for him as it is for me. Not too long ago, it was me sitting in Whitney’s seat. I try and suppress those thoughts, but I can’t help feeling a sting of jealousy underneath the surface.

“You guys were in the office together?” Whitney says, her words careful. I can tell Jay didn’t share this information with her before lunch.

Jay doesn’t seem to notice her tone. He shovels another forkful of baked potato into his mouth, so I’m forced to speak for the both of us. “The system went down last night. It messed up our schedules and we had to wait to fix them.”

Whitney nods, but she doesn’t say anything else about it. Instead she rests her hand on Jay’s arm. This gets his attention. I have to look away.

“We still on for after school?” she asks him.

They’ve already made plans. Just the two of them. This shouldn’t send throbbing pangs through my chest, but it does.

Jay chugs the rest of his Gatorade, then says, “Can’t. We have practice.”

Whitney frowns. I know it’s horrible of me, but I feel oddly satisfied.

“We have our Wavettes meeting anyway,” Raegan says, then throws an apologetic look my way. “Don’t worry. You’ll be on the team in no time.”

Lin smacks her head. “Crap. I just remembered the first decathlon meeting is after school.” She glares at Breck. “See? Your basketball schedule is already interfering with decathlon, and you aren’t even on the team.”

Breck gives her his most charming grin. “I could work it out. Trust me, Linny.”

“Don’t call me that.” She looks at me. “Sorry, Kira. Will you be able to catch a ride home?”

“Sure,” I say confidently, but my throat’s gone tight. I don’t know why I feel like crying. Maybe it’s because everyone else has lives after school and I don’t. Or because no one has brought up our post–first day of school tradition of getting Slurpees from 7-Eleven and binge-watching bad sitcoms while we procrastinate doing homework.

Raegan takes a huge bite of her cow brain salad.

I cringe. “Why are you eating that?”

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” She stabs some lettuce with her fork. “Besides, I’m trying to cut out greasy food. It makes me break out.”

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