Today Tonight Tomorrow(54)

We crouch down, and Neil leans in so he can say directly into my ear, “We’ll stay here until they leave?” His breath is hot on my skin.

I swallow hard. “Okay,” I whisper back.

This close to Neil, I can feel his body heat, smell what must have been the soap he used this morning, or maybe his deodorant. It must be the edible taking over my brain, warping this experience.

Savannah’s emissaries continue making their way through the exhibit, stopping every so often to take a closer look at something. I try my best to keep my breathing under control, aware that at any moment, they could find and kill Neil.

And then I don’t know what I’d be playing for.

Without access to my phone, I can’t tell how much time has passed. Two minutes? Ten? I have to get out of here, have to see Delilah, but the more pressing issue is this: we’ve been crouching for far longer than crouching is reasonably comfortable, and my muscles are not happy with me.

I stretch forward until I’m pretty sure my mouth is right up against his ear.

“I don’t know if I can keep balancing,” I whisper. I’m so close that my nose grazes—the side of his face? The shell of his ear? I’m not entirely sure.

He’s quiet for a moment. “Okay. As slowly as you can, come forward onto your knees,” he says, “and then slide your legs to the side.”

“Could you, um—”

“Help you?”

I nod before realizing he can’t see me. “Please,” I whisper.

A warm hand lands on my shoulder, steadying me, and slowly, slowly, I maneuver into a more comfortable position. He’s stronger, more solid than I ever expected him to be. Definitely no longer a twig in a T-shirt.

“Good?” he asks once I’m settled.

I try to exhale. “Mm-hmm,” I mumble. His hand leaves my shoulder.

We are extremely close, and that fact plus the drug plus the fear of being caught combine to send a unique kind of panic through me.

“I don’t think there’s anyone else here,” one of the seniors finally says. “Let’s go. Savannah can be an asshole, anyway. I want to win this for myself.”

I wait a little longer than is probably necessary to make sure they’re not only gone but far enough away from the exhibit not to notice us when we leave. Then I get to my feet, eager to stretch my legs.

“I think we’re safe,” I tell him, and when I don’t get a response, I interpret it as tacit agreement.

By the time I make it outside, the sky has turned a dusky blue, and the clouds are heavier than they’ve been all day. It’s beautiful, really, and I can’t help staring up at it for a while, waiting for my eyes to readjust to the light. Ah, yes, there’s the mellow Henry was talking about.

Then two things hit me like an electric shock, one right after the other.

Delilah’s signing started ten minutes ago, and Neil is nowhere in sight.



* * *




The zoo is closing soon, and I’m frozen in between the nocturnal exhibit and the main pavilion. I don’t want to send him a frantic text, so I try to sound casual. Hey, did you make it out okay?

I don’t think he’d ditch me. Would he? Maybe he’s still in the exhibit—but what if he got out before I did and one of those seniors with his name killed him?

I need an answer before I see Delilah. I can’t bring myself to leave without touching base with him. I’ll make sure he’s okay, race to the bookstore, and sneak into a seat in the very back. This is fine. This is all going to be—

“Rowan?”

I whirl around to find Mara lifting her hand in a wave.

“Hey,” I say, wary, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t have your name.”

“Oh. Good.” I sort of shuffle awkwardly from foot to foot. “Neil and I are still working together. I’m… waiting for him.” At least, I hope I am.

“He’s Neil now?” One corner of her mouth pulls into a half smile.

“It is his name.”

“You always call him McNair, or McNightmare, or something like that.”

Oh. I guess I do. I must have made the mental switch at some point without even thinking about it.

“It’s been a weird day,” I finally concede, but she’s full-on grinning now. “Where’s Kirby?”

“Dead,” Mara says, as flat as if she were informing me she got a B on a paper. “I couldn’t save her.”

“You really do get a little too into this.”

“Ahem, look who’s talking,” she says. “It was pretty wild. Meg Lazarski spotted her at Seattle Center, and for some reason, Kirby thought she could hide in the fountain and Meg wouldn’t go after her. She was wrong. So she got totally drenched, and she went home to clean up. We’re meeting back up at the next safe zone.”

It splits something open inside me, imagining the two of them having this completely different last day. But I made my choice—I’m sticking with Neil. If I can find him.

It doesn’t mean I can’t try to make things right with my friends, though.

“Mara,” I start, and because apologizing is hard, my teeth worry my lower lip before I speak again. “You and Kirby were right. I’ve been really selfish this year. I want to make things better between the three of us. I’m so sorry I haven’t been putting in the effort. I think maybe I was so focused on the idea of us I had in my head that I didn’t realize I actually had to, you know, try. I’ve… been a shitty friend.”