Time Bomb(55)

“And if the victims are rich and white and their fathers are important, the story is even bigger,” Tad added. “Right, Diana?”

“I didn’t create this system,” she said stiffly. “The only way a person can make a real difference is to know the rules of the game and use them to win.”

“I respect that,” Frankie said. It was one of the things he and Diana were in step on. The desire to reach the goal, even if it made no sense to anyone else. Winning came in a lot of forms, depending on a person’s perspective. And when you were a winner, you had to recognize when something was a losing move and change course before it took you out of the game.

Cas crossed the room and handed a pair of scissors to Z. Rashid put his head down and got back to work on the stretcher. The radio crackled.

“If we’re lucky, it’ll start raining any minute,” Frankie said, breaking the silence. “That could put out the remaining fires and screw up any other bombs so they won’t go off.”

“Hands up of anyone here who actually feels lucky.” Z looked slowly at each one of them. “Because my luck is pure crap, and Kaitlin has—” His eyes softened. “Well, she had the bad luck of insisting on being my friend when I told her I didn’t need one. She tried to save me from myself, and now she’s the one who needs saving because she was sure she could talk me out of making another bad choice. Yeah, no luck on my end. How about you guys?”

Tad looked at Frankie and kept his hands at his side. Diana looked toward the back corner of the room.

Frankie shrugged and raised his hand. Then he smiled. “A building exploded, and I’m not dead. I’d rate that as lucky. How about you, Rashid?”

Rashid looked away from Kaitlin and put his arm up with a nod. “Living with my family’s disappointment is better than not being alive at all.”

Frankie looked over at Cas, who had taken a seat on one of the stools and was looking down at the ground. “Cas? Feeling lucky to be alive?”

Cas lifted her eyes and shook her head. “Actually, no. Everything would be easier if I was dead.”





1:34 p.m.





Cas





— Chapter 40 —


“YOU DON’T MEAN THAT,” Frankie said, staring at her. Just over an hour ago, Cas would never have dreamed that Frankie Ochoa would look at her with such intense concern. Only he was wrong, because she meant every word. She still remembered the way the gun felt in her hands.

The metal had been cool. The weight almost comforting in the promise that the gun could do what nothing else had been able to. Make it all go away.

She wanted to look away, but instead she forced herself to meet Frankie’s eyes. “I shouldn’t. I know I should feel lucky to be alive, but as much as I want to, I don’t. Not entirely.”

“Yeah,” Z said quietly. “Me too. It’s hard to feel lucky to be alive when you still might die and you’re not sure if living is any better.” Z looked over at the girl who hadn’t opened her eyes in far too long. Kaitlin was quiet. Still. “If it weren’t for Kaitlin, I might have run toward the explosion. And even then, I still thought about it.”

“So you’re a coward.” Diana looked at him as if daring him to fight. When he didn’t, she added, “Killing yourself is taking the easy way out. That’s what cowards do.”

“Anything that permanent seems like a pretty hard choice to me,” Frankie said. “That’s probably why I’ve never considered doing it.”

Of course he didn’t understand. He was talented and popular—exactly what Cas’s father wished she could be.

“Never?” Z turned to Frankie. “Not once?”

“No. Of course not.” Frankie crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t like feeling depressed. I work my way out of it.”

“Depression isn’t like root beer. It’s not as if you either like it or you don’t.” Z shook his head. “Sometimes you feel the world caving in piece by piece, and there doesn’t seem to be anyone who gives a damn that you’re slowly being crushed. You’re telling me your life is so perfect that you’ve never felt that way?”

Falling apart, piece by little piece. Yes. That was exactly how she felt. Each day another pebble chipped off—almost too insignificant to notice, until one day the rest of the rock broke away because there was nothing underneath to help it stand.

“There’s always someone around or another choice you can make,” Frankie said.

“No, there isn’t.”

Frankie turned back toward her.

“Sure, you can always turn to someone.” She swallowed hard and shook her head, wishing she hadn’t said anything but knowing she couldn’t stop now. “But that doesn’t always mean they can help. It’s hard for someone to help when they think the person standing in front of them is weak and broken and needs to have their life taken over.”

“Anyone who is thinking about committing suicide is weak, and when you tell someone you are thinking about killing yourself, you most certainly are broken,” Diana said.

“Most really broken people don’t know they are broken,” Rashid said.

Cas turned to look at the guy who had been working quietly on the floor. He was so unassuming, it was easy to forget he was there. The guy was a real hero. He’d saved Kaitlin’s life and was helping to get them out of there. By any definition, Rashid was a leader. He should be the center of attention. And yet Cas thought of Frankie as the leader, and maybe even Z, because of how they pushed themselves forward.