This Is My America(31)

“Have they picked him up?”

“No. We don’t know where he is, but they’re convinced Jamal killed Angela out by the Pike. But how, Daddy? Why?”

Daddy’s searching for answers, too. I don’t want to tell him more because I don’t want it to end up hurting Jamal. Not until I know what happened. His eyes are weighted with worry. Silent. He’s never been shy about giving advice. Rather than speak, he slumps his shoulders. He doesn’t know what to do.

Neither do I. A sinking, hopeless feeling presses heavily in the pit of my stomach.

Daddy grabs my hand. “Hire a lawyer.”

“Mama’s looking, also fund-raising through the church. I don’t know how we’re going to pay. We’ll have to get free legal counsel, but they won’t be assigned until he’s arrested.”

I wish I didn’t have to be the one to put it out there on the table that we can’t afford a good defense lawyer. We’re barely hanging on as it is.

Daddy rubs his chin. “You have that list of the lawyers I’ve worked with?”

All of them were useless. A lump grows in my throat. To trust the lawyers that failed my daddy? I don’t know if I can.



“Give ’em to your mama. One of them might help,” Daddy says.

“Daddy, what if—”

“Call them.” His face goes stern.

“I will. Beverly said the same thing. Do you think she can help?”

“She’s brand-new to the force. I doubt she has any pull. She has to prove herself, too.” Daddy squeezes my hand again to get me to focus. “Get ahold of Jamal. Find him. The longer he waits, the worse it’s gonna get.”

“I don’t know where he is. What am I supposed to do if I can’t find him?”

“If anyone can find him, you can. And what do you mean, what you gonna do? You gonna do what you were born to do. You a fighter. Chase down his friends until they tell you something. Make sure the police don’t run down my boy, do one of your rights workshops, a community gathering. Keep yourself busy—but outta trouble.”

“I went by Mrs. Ridges’, and she told me to tell you she was praying for you.”

“Tell her I said I’m doing fine. I be praying for her, too.”

“Do you think Jamal will be like Jackson? Fight being taken in?” My biggest fear is things will go down like that with Jamal.

“Jackson had his own history with the police. He thought he was protecting his family. He had a big heart and didn’t think about consequences. All he ever wanted was to build something for his family in Crowning.” Daddy frowns. “I don’t know why he thought he could barricade himself like that…”



Daddy stops. Grimaces. Swallowing up that pain before he speaks. There have been so many reasons I thought Jackson locked himself in his house. The guilt because he’d gotten Daddy to take one more meeting with Mark. Maybe that decision brought them to the wrong place at the wrong time. How he couldn’t face my daddy knowing they were getting pinned as the murderers. Jackson might’ve convicted himself for that reason alone.

“Promise me.” His voice shakes. “You’ll forget about helping me and just find Jamal. Keep praying that things end up better for him. I need you to keep him strong.”

I hang on to each word, nod at promises I want to keep, so he can let go when it’s time. But when I look at him, I can’t convince myself it’ll be his time in less than nine months now. I shake my head. I smile, tell him I’ll be somebody.

But inside I know I can’t let Daddy give up. Every person who was against his partnership with Mr. Davidson is a suspect, and that history Daddy keeps trying to make me forget might be what I need to hold on to.

“What were you doing over there at Mrs. Ridges’?” Daddy gives me a mischievous grin. I know what he’s going to say next. He always has a way of turning my questions back on to me. “You know, Quincy has to ask me for permission if he’s going to date my daughter.”



“Daddy.” I tap him playfully. “That’s not happening.”

“I remember you two as kids, right when we moved here.”

I smile shyly. We were kids. Daddy knows how Quincy was my first crush—before Dean—one of those mysteries he knows about. He used to know everything about me. Before the shooting, before all our lives turned upside down. He’s always been observant.

“Quincy’s not the same boy you knew, Daddy. He has a million girlfriends.”

“I know Quincy. He comes here with Jamal sometimes. He ain’t forgot me, and I ain’t forgot him.”

I didn’t know this. I wonder how often he comes to visit, but I know if I ask more, Daddy will think I care too much and prove him right.

“I guess since you and Dean are dating now, that won’t work out. Maybe when you get a bit older.”

Daddy loves acting like he can see everything I do from his prison cell. I have to chuckle.

“I’m not dating Dean, either. Who has time to date? I’m a lawyer in training now.”

“Well, I’d like to see that. My daughter a lawyer.”

“What, you don’t think I can?”

“You can do anything. I’ve never heard you talk about college, let alone a profession. I’m glad you’re starting to listen to us.”