Thin Love (Thin Love, #1)(151)

“Because love isn’t like this. You and I weren’t in love.” She ignores how tightly he closes his eyes, as though hearing the truth is like a slap to his face. “We were addicted to each other, you just never understood that. You liked the chase and then you liked my temper and it all just escalated.”

A rough growl and Kona’s voice lifts in a shout. “Don’t tell me what I felt… what I feel. You don’t know me, you aren’t in my head.”

“That’s exactly my point. We aren’t kids anymore. This isn’t you and me on campus making out after a game. We have a son. We have responsibilities and you keep forgetting that. You keep forgetting the bad. You never remember the bad.” Keira can’t take that expression, the hard stare, the disappointment, his anger. She closes her eyes, squeezes them tight praying he’ll just let her go, wishing that she really wanted him to. “God, Kona, you act like I was this great thing to you, like what we were was the greatest thing that ever happened to you.”

He moves quickly, like a shot and grabs her face, fingers gentle, but firm on her face. “You were.”

His admission stuns her, silences her until all she hears is his breath, the labored ways he exhales, the fierce, steady widening of his eyes. He’s breaking her heart with that look, with the desperate way he leans his forehead against her.

She tries for calm. Kiera tries to collect herself, slow her heartbeat, but Kona smells too sweet; his touch feels too right. Walk away. Walk away and don’t look back.

“And I’m not anymore.” She pulls his hand from her face, trying to turn away, not wanting him to know how much he affects her. “I won’t be again.”

“Keira, please.” He stands behind her, but he doesn’t touch her. She’s grateful for that at least. “Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this.”

“You can’t, Kona. There’s nothing left to fix. We tried once and it nearly broke me. I… gave you everything. I gave you absolutely everything I had and you took it all.” Kona’s shadow lengthens across the dark floor, his wide arms curl up, hands on the back of his neck as though he has to restrain himself from touching her. “You were greedy for it and it still wasn’t enough. And now, now you come back into my life and you want it all again. You want more.” One glance over her shoulder and Keira looks down, unable to take the tremble moving his chin. “I can’t give you that. I won’t. You aren’t my life anymore. You can’t be. Ransom is.”

“What are you talking about, Keira? Of course it was enough.”

She turns, tears in her eyes and she leans out of his touch when he reaches to wipe them away. “Then why did you give me up? If I was so important to you, meant so much to you, why did you push me away? And why the hell did you not once fight for me?”

His voices goes soft, eyes shifting from the floor to Keira’s face. “I didn’t know how. Not then.”

“Well I did.” A quick, annoyed wipe against her cheek and Keira lifts her chin, aching to sound proud, brave. “I fought Kona. I spent the past sixteen years fighting and trying to make sure I didn’t become a cliché. And I didn’t. I am more than that. All that fighting I did worked. It worked too well. I gave you too much. I gave Ransom what was left. I don’t have anything more to give.”

Kona pulls his top lip between his teeth and a hard line forms between his eyebrows as though he hates hearing about her struggling on her own. “I would have been there. You have to know, if you’d told me, I would have dropped my entire life to be at your side, to fight for you, to protect you… both of you.”

She stares at him, shocked that he seems to actually believe that. “No. You wouldn’t have. Your mother would have never let you. I was the haole whore she hated. The stupid slut that had her son forgetting about all her plans. And you listened. You were the good little boy obeying her.” Kona touches her arm, takes a step, looking as though he needs to feel her, to hold her, but Keira is too worked up, too annoyed with herself, with him, to take his comfort. She pulls out of his grip. “You still are. Even today, she’s still got her clutches into you. You still wouldn’t fight for me.”

“I walked away from her, Keira. It’s been months…”

“She’ll come back and you’ll let her. I can’t be around that. I… I can’t let Ransom around that woman. She wins every time, Kona. She always did. She’s your mother and who are we?”

This time Kona doesn’t let her pull away from him. This time, he moves forward, taking her shoulders, fingers firm as though he couldn’t let her go; as though he’d never let her go.

“You’re my family. Keira, you and Ransom, you’re my everything. No one else matters to me. I know I don’t deserve you. I know I threw everything we were away.” He steps closer, hands on her face, thumb rubbing against her cheek. “You won’t ever know how it killed me. But I was scared. My brother died because of me and I was so angry at myself, I hated myself for what happened to Luka. I was afraid that I was falling, that I was digging my own grave and I wouldn’t drag you down with me.” There is a strange look on Kona’s face, eyes closing, head shaking and he looks pained, conflicted as though he wars with his thoughts, weighs and measures the logic of saying whatever is in his head. Finally, he loosens his grip, steps back to pace before he leans on the dresser, hands over his face. “I… I found you once. About twelve years ago.”