The Weight of Our Sky(34)

My mind stutters to a stop. I open my eyes.

Vincent has reached over and taken my hand firmly in his, lacing our fingers together so mine can no longer tap out their endless refrain.

No boy has ever held my hand before.

Before I can say a word, he starts to sing a familiar song. “Little darling,” he calls me, his voice cracking on the unaccustomed high notes. “Little darling,” and my heart begins to melt.

He’s not very good, and I want to laugh, even though I can feel tears pooling in my eyes. Don’t cry, stupid! I tell myself firmly. Don’t cry! So instead, I sing along, and our voices soar and blend together as we tell ourselves over and over again what we so desperately want to believe: Here comes the sun.





CHAPTER NINE


“AGAIN?” AUNTIE BEE STARES AT me aghast, her mouth open in a perfect O of dismay. “You are going with them AGAIN?”

“Yes, Auntie.” I nod, not quite able to look her in the eye.

“We had to come home yesterday, Ma,” Vince steps in. “By the time I finished the deliveries, there wasn’t any time left to go to Sungai Buloh before it got dark. We’ll make it there this time. Melati needs to be with her family,” he adds virtuously.

Auntie Bee isn’t happy, and if I’m honest, I’m not in a huge hurry to get back out there either. Vince might have distracted me momentarily on that drive home, but in the night, my demon came back to plague me in a rampaging fury. I’ve spent my night fighting off the deaths of all the people I care about, and today I feel like I’m looking at the world through a thick, dense fog.

All I want to do is lie in bed and sleep forever.

Stop it, you weakling, I tell myself sternly. You can’t do this. Not today. Vince has promised me that we’ll make it to Kampung Baru today no matter what. I’m dressed in my own clothes this time, my white blouse and turquoise pinafore clean and dry now, my backpack slung over my shoulders, my hair tied back in a neat ponytail. Auntie Bee offers more of her niece’s clothes, but I refuse. Today is the day I’m going to finally, finally see my mother and make sure she’s really, truly okay. If I’m going to wage battle with demons both on the street and in my own head, I’m going to do it with all of myself, and not weighed down by borrowed clothes and secondhand memories.

Auntie Bee sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her finger and thumb. “Fine, fine,” she mutters. “Don’t listen to me, what do I know? I’m just an old woman who doesn’t want to outlive her children. Tell me, is that too much to ask?”

Vince grins and hugs her. “So dramatic, Ma. You’re not in some Chinese soap opera, you know.”

She doesn’t even crack a smile. “Every minute you are gone, I age a year, you know that?” she tells him seriously. “Better come back faster, before I use up all my years waiting for you.”

? ? ?

We hear the distinctive toot of Jay’s horn outside, and Vince immediately heads for the door. I hang back. I want to reassure Auntie Bee somehow, tell her we’ll be fine. Instead, I find myself reaching for her hands. She stares at me, surprised, as I take them in mine and bend low over them, touching my lips to the soft, papery skin. It’s the same good-bye I give my mother whenever I leave the house. “He’ll be back soon, Auntie,” I say. “Try not to worry too much.” Then I dash for the car, pretending I don’t see her eyes mist over with tears.

The boys are waiting for me in the front seat as I open the back door and slide in, dropping my backpack on the floor. “Typical girl, keeping us waiting like this,” Jay says, wagging a finger at me.

“Typical man, expecting every girl to come as soon as he calls, like a good dog,” I shoot back, and he laughs.

“All right, today we’re heading toward Kampung Baru,” Vince says, taking charge. “That’s the area that’s worst hit, they say. We’ll try to get to some places before then, but I think we’ll mostly be concentrating on drop-offs along Batu Road.”

Jay snaps off a jaunty salute. “Okay, boss!”

“Okay, boss!” I say, following suit. In my head, I’ve already begun the work of securing the car, making it safe for all of us.

Vince shoots a glance at me over his shoulder, then turns back to survey the road before us. “Say, Jay, you feel like singing?” he says. I look down at my fingers, twisting anxiously in my lap, and smile. I know what he’s doing.

“Singing?”

“Yes, singing! What songs do you like?”

Jay thinks about this for a second. “I don’t know, really,” he muses. “All you young people, your music just gives me a headache.”

“Okay, then, let’s sing something you know. Something happy.”

“What nonsense is this? Why must we sing?”

“Come on, Jay . . . ,” Vince wheedles. “It’ll make the ride go by much faster, you’ll see.”

It takes a few minutes of back-and-forth, but in the end Jay gives in, launching into a spirited rendition of “Twist and Shout.” “The Beatles!” I crow happily, and he stops to look at me, scandalized. “The Beatles! Those mop-haired delinquents? No, no, this is the great Chuck Berry!”

“What does it matter?” Vince grins. “It’s a great song!”