The Truth About Keeping Secrets(45)

11:31 idk man. just a liiiiitle bit bummed

12:03 ok. Happy new year. Glad u r having a good time see u whenever

Ah.

A timely reminder that I didn’t, in fact, live in a fantasy and was instead primarily an asshole who let down her one friend in the na?ve hope she’d gain the affections of some faraway girl who didn’t like girls.

‘I have to go,’ I said suddenly, looking up from my phone. I think I might have interrupted the two of them whispering sweet nothings to each other, but whatever.

Heath spoke first. ‘Is everything OK?’

‘Yeah. Well, I mean, no. I’m … I’m a bad friend. I was supposed to, uh, meet Olivia before midnight, and I’m such an idiot, I totally forgot –’

‘I’ll take you,’ June said, already moving towards the door. ‘Let’s go.’

Heath grabbed her hard by the arm. ‘Are you out of your mind?’

‘I’m not drunk, Heath.’

‘You’re joking. So irresponsible. Oh, by the way.’ He pulled a phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. ‘I found this in the grass in the backyard. Sure, you’re not drunk. I’m taking you, Sydney,’ he said, like they were debating who should escort their daughter to soccer practice.

I banished any thoughts of potential car awkwardness and agreed.

‘OK. Yeah. Let’s go.’





Chapter 11


Heath played Vivaldi. I wasn’t entirely sure what sort of music I’d envisioned him liking; all things considered, this seemed to make sense. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel absentmindedly, hitting each note in Summer. I only knew it was called that because the screen in his car said so.

I attempted futilely to get hold of Olivia. The fog in my brain – thinner, thankfully, but still there – meant typing anything was a slow process – in fact an insurmountable task. I couldn’t get the words out. Wasn’t even sure what the words were.

So I gave up. Watched the world outside zoom past. We might as well have been flying through space, each passing streetlight some faraway star; being at the River Styx with June felt like it might as well have been a million years ago. It was even colder, now, and the heated seats made the car smell faintly like burning.

He wasn’t talking so I attempted to make conversation. ‘I think this is giving me anxiety,’ I said, referring to Vivaldi. Good one, me.

Heath kept his eyes on the road. ‘It’s supposed to. “The shepherd weeps, because overhead hangs the fearsome storm, and his destiny.” ’

‘Oh.’

‘Vivaldi wrote a sonnet for each of the four seasons. Pretty groundbreaking stuff for a composer at the time. That’s translated, of course. It sounds much better in the original Italian.’

‘Yeah. Of course.’ I don’t know why I felt like I had to impress him, but I did, like I was hoping for his approval. Anyway, there was something endearing about him listening to Vivaldi directly after leaving a rager.

‘Hey, so, I actually wanted to thank you.’

The steadiness of his voice implored me to turn off my phone. ‘For what?’

‘For everything you’ve done for June.’

I wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly. ‘I mean, yeah, you’re welcome! Happy to be of assistance!’ And then I saluted him, which I liked to think normally would have been caught by the filter that kept me from doing things that were lame as fuck. ‘What do you mean, though?’

Heath shifted. A lock of his hair tumbled forward, and stuck there like a Superman curl. Even with the film of sweat on his forehead and the slight pink tinge to the corner of his eyes, he was still annoyingly handsome. ‘She was having a really rough time this summer. Was in a really dark place, actually, and I don’t know if you know, but she saw your dad for a bit.’

I widened my eyes like this was completely new information. I don’t know why.

‘Yeah,’ he continued. ‘She really liked him. But she’s been happy, lately – I imagine you might have filled that gap for her, in a way. Don’t you think?’

‘Yeah, I mean. Yeah. I guess.’

Heath hummed, like I had just confirmed something for him. But I didn’t think too much of it; I was focused on my heartbeat, which, instead of ba-dum, took on four new syllables: she’s been happy, she’s been happy, she’s been happy. And then the bit of drunken truth spilled from me: ‘She’s helped me a lot too.’

‘Good.’

‘I’m glad you said that, actually. I was worried I was sucking the life out of her, or something. Like, I don’t know. Like I was a bummer to be around?’

‘Well, maybe you’re just sucking the life out of each other.’

I laughed too hard; based on the stiffness of Heath’s lip, I wasn’t sure I should have laughed at all.

‘How have you been, though?’

I stiffened. ‘Yeah, I mean, I’m, uh, I’m fine, all things considered, I guess.’

‘Still watching those videos?’ he asked, the corners of his lips curling at the last word.

‘Not as much, no.’

‘I actually wanted to talk to you about those … texts that you’ve been getting.’

Oh God. Had he heard me and June talking? Maybe he’d followed us upstairs. How much had he heard? ‘How did you know about that?’