The Traitor Queen (The Traitor Spy Trilogy #3)(62)

“We’re to meet with the Traitors. They want to discuss the possibility of an alliance and trade.”

Over the rattle of the carriage, she heard him exhale.

“Ah.”

“The driver will stop in an hour or two. We’ll get out and walk from there, north of the road. The Traitors left me instructions on where to go. In a few days they’ll meet us, and Lorkin will be with them.”

“You left this to the last moment to tell me.”

“Yes, and I would have waited longer if I could have. You couldn’t be told before now in case we were waylaid by King Amakira’s men and your mind was read.”

“And your mind?”

“Is protected.”

She waited for him to ask how, but the question never came. He did not speak at all. The silence in the cabin felt a little reproachful.

“It isn’t that we – the Guild – didn’t trust you with the information,” she began. “We—”

“I know,” he interrupted. “It doesn’t matter.” He sighed. “Well, one thing does. Do you trust me?”

She paused, not sure how to read the tone of his voice. It wasn’t accusing, but it did hold a hint of demand. To avoid answering could make matters unnecessarily strained between them.

“I do,” she told him, and felt the truth of it. At the same time she realised he had cornered her somewhat, and it was only fair to do the same in return. “Do you trust me?”

Again she heard him exhale, but slowly this time.

“Not completely,” he admitted. “Not because I regard you as untrustworthy, but … I know you do not like me.”

She felt her heart skip. “That’s not true,” she told him quickly, before old memories rose to argue their case and make saying it awkward. “I haven’t always. You know why. We don’t need to go over that again. It’s in the past.”

He was quiet for a short space of time. “I apologise. I should not have brought it up again. Sometimes I find it hard to believe you have forgiven me, or could even like me.”

“Well … I have. And I do. You are … a good person.”

“You made me that person.” His tone was warmer, now. “That day, during the invasion.”

Sonea caught her breath as a wave of sadness washed over her. And another good person died that day. Suddenly she could not speak, and dread rose – not for the first time – at the memories she knew would return when she walked in the darkness over the bare rock of the mountains. But with a different companion. A different man.

“What’s wrong?”

She blinked in surprise. How had he even known she was upset? Then she realised that the rock wall on one side of the carriage was gone and the faint light of a crescent moon filtered into the cabin. She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, gathering all her self-control.

“We both changed that day. You for the better, me for the worse.”

“Only a fool would think that of you,” he told her, misunderstanding her meaning. “You saved us and the Guild. I have admired you ever since.”

She looked at him, but his face was mostly in shadow. How could he understand the bitterness and self-loathing that had come after Akkarin’s death? No matter how much my mind knows it wasn’t my fault, my heart never quite believes it.

The moonlight reached his face and revealed an expression she had rarely seen before. There had been a hint of a smile in his voice, she realised. What had he said? ‘I have admired you ever since.’

She looked away. All his rivalry and hatred of her and what she represented had changed to something almost completely opposite. And just as undeserved. But it would be unkind and ungrateful to say so. I’ll take admiration over distrust and contempt any day.

Admiration and friendship were very different. As different as friendship and love. I’ve seen novices who hated each other become friends after graduation. That didn’t happen with us. I’ve also seen people who hate each other skip the friendship bit in the middle and fall in love. Her heart skipped a beat. Wait … Surely not. No, he doesn’t mean that sort of admiration.

Glancing at him again, she did not have a chance to search his expression. Regin’s attention had fixed somewhere outside the carriage. He shifted across his seat and leaned forward.

“So that’s the wasteland,” he said in a hushed voice.

She peered out the window. The faint moonlight touched the edges of the landscape below, the ridges of many, many dunes creating eerie patterns.

“Yes,” she explained. “It goes all the way to the horizon.”

“So far. How did we do it?” Regin wondered. “Where has that knowledge gone?”

“Ambassador Dannyl has unearthed some interesting records, from what Osen had told me.”

“Any ideas on how to restore the land?”

She shook her head. “If a magician ever manages to return this to fertile land, it will be the greatest act of healing anyone has ever achieved.”

Regin gazed a little longer at the view, then leaned back in his seat again. “A few hours, you say?”

“Yes. The driver knows the landmark to look for. He’ll drop us there, then continue on to Arvice and the Guild House with the mail and supplies. I told him we didn’t need to go to Sachaka now that Lorkin was free, but we wanted to see the sun rise over the wasteland and would walk back to the Fort.”